Okay, this is hard. Really hard so please try to keep up.

I'm having a problem as you can see. And it's driving me away from the computer. I come up with excuses so I don't have to tell people the real reason why I won't be online for the next few days or whatever. But I feel like you should know because you deserve that much, okay.

I'm trying to keep away from someone. And it's the hardest thing that I have ever tried to do in my fucking life. And it's not for me, it's for him. He has this amazing relationship going and eveything. It's owning up to something. And of course he knows that I'm in an amazing relationship too. He is finally starting to love the other guy, you know. And I think it's time to just let them go. Because I know I'll ruin it somehow. And by now he problaby knows who he is. But that's great because now he understands.

This hurts because a few months ago we were close. And it seems we are slipping away. He shouldn't love me. He really shouldn't. And the same goes for me, because in the end it means more pain than before. I just can't move on and it hurts because he deserves that. More than I do. I'm sorry. I really am.

__________________