Firstly, any 18 year old that is interested in a 14 year old should be one that you avoid. A self-respecting legal adult would not do these things with a child. If he were 28 and you 24, this would be an entirely different situation. Age gaps aren't as huge when you are older, but through the teen years you grow up so fast and learn so much. At fourteen you are still so much more immature than he is. He should know this and have responsibly chosen not to get involved with you. He should have known, but he didn't.

Yes.. at 14 you can love people. I'm not saying you can't love. But I am saying your *reasoning* for loving him may be skewed. Soon enough the age gap will matter. Perhaps when he goes off to college and wants to enjoy sex with college girls instead of jsut a child in highschool.. or when he sees that you love him so much more than he loves you.. he might actually feel sorry for you and end it.

Secondly, by getting drunk you are leaving yourself unable to think clearly. You do things that you might not otherwise have done. Sex isn't something to joke about. IT isn't "just" sex. Sex is a very intimate action that will create feelings even if they weren't ment to be there. You think you love him now, but would it have been different if you'd never done anything phsyical with him? Probably so. I loved my current boyfriend for over a year before I even ever kissed him. Those feelings never changed in all that 13 months before we added phsyical intimacy to our relationship. Could you be so sure without those sexual actions?