I too struggled sooo much with all of that. I took everything as if people were insulting me, thought I was stupid, thought I was ugly. I'd get defensive a lot. I'd always assume I was bothering people. I'd never go out afraid that I'd only annoy them. I never felt like anyone wanted me around. I always used to worry what people thought. Always afraid I was dissapointing them or letting them down. Any small sign that someone wasn't pleased with me, and I thought they hated me or thought bad things about me.

I also never used to let anyone get close. I woudln't talk to them about personal things, I didn't let them in my little bubble. I was alone. Alone with my own causes of depression and anxiety and low self esteem.

I dug myself so deep into depresion that teachers were pulling me aside asking me if I was alright because they said my eyes were so listless, so lifeless. No shine, no life to them. Just.. dead. I wouldn't eat, and when I did eat I wasn't hungry and really didnt' want to eat. I got to the point where I couldn't even feel emotion. I couldn't even cry. I was emotionally dead. I surely wasn't happy, but I couldn't even cry or feel sad. That was scary.

The only thing that helped me was making myself change the way I thought. Whenever I'd even begin to think something negative, I had to stop myself and instead compliment myself. Most of the time this was very hard, and there were plenty of times I didn't even try and let myself go further into my depressing thoughts. This is why it helps to have people that care about you. I had teachers, a mentor, a counselor through an afterschool abstinence program, and my boyfriend who was always there to shut up my thoughts that I was ugly or stupid. And finally, what always, with never failing, would bring my spirits up, would be helping animals. It just felt good to save an animals life, or to work to gain its trust..

What do you like to do? What is fun? What brings you joy? Find that, and make a hobby of it.

Does your mentor know of this? HAve you ever told her? Now would be a good time.

And yes, stress can affect that. I have a bit of an ezcema problem. I stressed so much over it that I made it completely flare up! Lol. I don't know if you do, but if you dye your hair a lot, straighten it, or anything like that could affect it too. Let it breath some, don't do anything to it too much for awhile, and you might find your hair looking healthier as well.

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The Voice of Reason

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love." - Augustine.