Don't be ashamed that you are gay. You are who you are, and there is nothing wrong with that. Eventually you'll have to tell everyone the truth, and the easiest way to do that is to be confident in yourself. You come off as insecure. When you only focus on your flaws and envy others, you will not get much respect. When you see someone looking nice in an outfit and you feel sick in your stomach, then you are being self-centered. Why must you grieve at other's accomplishments? You need to love others so that you can rejoice in their accomplishments. In order to love others, you must find a way to love yourself first.

"Be who you are and say how you feel, because the people that mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind."

Seriously, you can't please EVERYONE. And your not. No one is- that's life. You need to accept this. Once you accept that, it is easier to move on. Be yourself, and im sure that people will love you for who you truly are.

i hope i helped. if you need more help, find a close friend to confide in