im 19 years old and have never had a girlfriend

i make up stories about ex girlfriends so i dont feel stupid telling other guys im still a virgin.

my only "friends" could care less about me

I smile everyday at work and tell everyone im happy , even though i hate myself

Im so worried about what i look like, i cant walk past any reflective surface without fixing my hair.

I lost 110 pounds thinking it would make me HAPPY, but it DIDNT

I get depressed when i go to highschool sports games, because i see the guys having a good time with there friends... and thats ALL I EVER WANTED.

I wasnt picked last in gym class, i was NEVER PICKED AT ALL ( i sat on the bleachers because i was to embarassed to be the last one picked)

Nobody takes me seriously, im just "that one guy"

My family is disorganized, I wish we were all still CLOSE

Im scared to go to college because, I wont KNOW ANYBODY

I have to take people places, and buy them things, just so they will hang out with me, but id rather be seen with "friends".... then be SEEN ALONE.

I have no sympathy for people who CUT themselves. My life sucks and I still dont see the point in making it any WORST by doing dangerous things to my body.

My moms boyfriend calls me a pussy and a fag, because i never bring girls home, but the truth is... they dont want to go home WITH ME.

My dad has been with so many women ive lost count. I cant even get ONE GIRL.

So many people around me go to church, and I DONT ( even though i tell them I DO)

All I want to to do , is believe in god... but i know in my heart he doesnt EXIST. ...

because if he did ... i wouldnt be typing any of this. so much for answering my prayers dude. =/