So i met this girl, and things were going really well. My feelings were so strong for her that i feel i'm in love with her.

Being 16 i can't really say i know what love is, but i've never gotten this depressed about any of my previous girlfriends.

All my life i have despised emo's. Cutting for attention. Shit could be worse, they could live in iraq and get shot at every day. Live in a box and have no food or water.

I have all this. Except my 'love'.

When we broke up, she cut herself. Right on her side with a razor blade. She says it helped her get by, through this stressful shit.

now i'm sittin here 12:30 in the morning on a tuesday and i'm holding a razor in my hand and i want to slide it across my wrist.

She took my virginity, she took my heart, she took my soul, and instead of holding onto it she threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

We've talked. We hung out today actually, even yesterday. But i don't think she's getting back together with me. I've already been replaced by some nick asshole. She plays with my heart - says she loves me. Says she doesn't love nick, and thinks that on some level me and her are meant to be together. 'soulmates' she said. Yet she refuses to dump nick.

When we talked yesterday our faces were so close to each other, i thought we were going to kiss. I told her to her face i wanted to, and she said she wanted me to, but i couldn't if she was just going to go back to nick. Today when we saw each other we were leaning in slowly to kiss, but instead i turned my head away because i can't put myself through this.

She's fuckin around with me and i can't continue doing this. I'm on my third pack of smokes and that shit just aint cuttin it. I heard coke helps, but it's common sense not to do any of that hardcore shit, so instead i just want to cut myself.

i can't pull myself together to do it. I just sit and cry, but don't do anything. So far all i've done is cut a deep wound into my thumb to see how sharp the razor actually was, big thing i accomplished there.

and of course i have the least supportive parents ever. the night we broke up i hooked up a 360 i bought (same day). She was supposed to come over after school and we were gonna chill and play guitar hero or some shit, but instead we broke up. so i sat there playing my xbox, and my mom knew i was crying, but instead of being supportive she told me that 'she better not see that shit there in the morning. she wants it cleaned up or i'm in grounded'. i skipped school today to sit at home and cry. cry and smoke, it was a combination between the two. Then when i saw her i told her she had to make a decision by tomorrow (technically today) who she wants to be with because i can't keep holding my shattered heart out there forever, because it's killing me, and she told me she needed more time. it's been almost a week! I can't wait any fuckin longer or i'm going to have a mental break down. I'm already at the point where i'm thinking about cutting, and if any of you knew me, I'm the last person that would even think about doing this kinda thing.

i don't know what to do. should i try it? I know most people would rather someone not cut, but i need help.