Hi, well i don't really know why i'm doing this but i guess it's just so i can get it off my chest or whatever, so here goes.

I don't like my life. Sometimes i do, sometimes it's ok but when i think about it and when something goes wrong, then comes the depressed stuff.

I'm not attractive, and no that's not just my own judgment (i think i'm neither hot or ugly i just think i'm not attractive) it's by observing that i can't get a real girlfriend makes me realise that girls must not be attracted to me and that they think i'm not hot.

I did have a "fling" or a "thing" with i guess 3 people over a period of about 4 months, none of them worked out.
The first thing was with a girl that i had a crush on for ages, we spent valentines day together and i had no idea that she liked me that way, but she owed me a valentines day kiss, and after that things just got better as the day wore on. I spent the whole day with her, helping her at work, talking to her, few kisses and a little touchie at the end of the day (her mum came home though before it got further. and no sex) We talked about how this would change things, i thought she wanted it to happen (thats why we kissed etc, right?)
The next day i went in for the kiss at school, she pulled away and from what i can remember i was a little disappointed, but it was worse because it was the weekend the next day, and that weekend for me was the crappiest weekend ever because i was alone, i had no idea what the girl wanted and yeah. I later found out that she didn't like me that way.

The second "fling" with a girl wasn't much we met in a class at school, my friend gave her my number and we started texting each other after school and on weekends. I tried to impress her every chance i had because to me she's way out of my league. We hardly talked at school (i guess thats my fault, everythings my fault) and eventually i guess she realised how much of a loser i was and she ended it before it even began. We don't text anymore.

The 3rd thing is this girl that i'm not attracted to at all likes me, one weekend i let her came over (i think i only let her come over because i knew something might happen) she came over and we had sex, that was my first time, i wish it didn't happen because i don't like the girl in that way and not attracted to her.

Next subject i guess,
I have friends, both chicks and guys, just no good friends or a best friend. No friends that i can talk to without them thinking that i'm a weirdo, and no friends that i would be even comfortable to talk to about my feels or whatever. I rarely see my friends out of school.

I'm a one of the "losers" in my school. Theres the cool kids and the not cool kids, i'm in the not cool kids. Although some popular kids do hang out with me and i am their friend (i think) so to them i'm not a loser (i hope) but to the other popular cool kids and to the good looking girls, i am a loser.
Today one of them was talking to a mate of mine sitting next to me, i looked at him and he said "what are you looking at" (something like that anyway) and threw something at me, it hit me under my eye (i think the guy was just mucking around i don't know but it wasn't a full throw, just a little throw if you know what i mean) i swore at him and tried to find the thing he threw so i could through it back at him, i couldn't find it. And now i wish that i got up and put him on the ground and punched him a few times, but i don't have the balls to do that and i always forget to when something like that happens.

Why can't i get the balls to punch someone when they give me crap? I hate it and want to punch them when i walk away, but it's to late.

Exams are next week i'm probably going to fail. And if i fail one exam for a particular subject i fail the whole subject for the whole year because i was caught "cheating" in a test and thats my punishment. (i wasn't cheating by the way)

I also have stacks of homework and i have no motivation to do it, all my subjects are boring.

So yeah theres my year 11 so far, bad bad bad.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything because i can probably predict what people will say, i'm just writing this for something to do and to avoid doing homework i guess. This took like an hour and sorry for the wall of text but i hope some of you read it.

Thanks.