Teen Forums - View Single Post - *Sigh* I hate acting like an emo... but....

estrella · 06-11-2008, 05:40 AM

It’s been two years since I’ve been in a constant state of ‘sadness’ or whatever. It all crumbled down when my dad died and I was left with an alcoholic bipolar mother and an abusive brother.

Each day, I look in the mirror and I’m not far from tears. When I get changed, I close my eyes out of shame. I only feel a tiny bit happy when I picture some man/boy hugging me and not calling me ugly or fat. Then I start crying because I realise that no man or boy is ever going to think as anything but that obese hippo thing with a sad expression

All I want is a hug and someone to care about me but I’m never going to find that in my state, am I? I’m hugging a pillow into my old age probably. It’s not someone is ever going to date me. I’m just catatonic from the loneliness.

I have no real friends. I got kicked out of the reject group for not knowing Harry Potter’s middle name and not putting up with one of them ranting about how I’m a devilish meat-eater and that I should go to hell. They are even more socially dumb than me, and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was eleven (it got removed when I turned thirteen however)

The other crowds don’t mind me, but whenever you try to join I get rejected for being fat. The very words have literally been said to me, “You can’t be friends with us because you a fat mong!” Others start to bully me as they know they can because they know I have no one to defend me

P.S. I don’t want a ton of people saying what they think of appearance without the evidence. I'd show the pictures but this forum has a pointless 25 post limit to link links. I'm not linking anyone to pornography or spam. -.-

What the hell am I going to do with myself? I don’t really think my life is going to get any better. I’d die for an African any day... at least they’d enjoy and appericate their life more. I just feel like a selfish self-pitying cow

(I posted this on another forum and all I got what that I was fat because of climate change and that I should join a sports club – but I get rejected from football clubs and stuff.)

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