now i've already made a thread about my problems but it wasnt very good ( didnt really explain what the problems where) so im going to try again.

for the past few days i have felt extremely depressed. I have also thought about ways to kill myself and decided which way would be the best to do it (i dont have the balls to act on it though)
i have known for a while now that i have hardly and friends but i've recently come to realise that i actually dont have any friends and that the people that i did count as friends are probably the worst at making me feel worse (eg things like constantly taking the piss out of me)
the people i got on 'okay' with at school are/were just people that used me when it suited them and also spent there time taking the piss out of me all the time.
lots of people know im not a happy person but they just make a joke out of it (this is helped by the fact that i try my best to make it seem like i'm alright, a lot of the time)
my dad is a horrid person, he blames me for the littlest of things (and blows them way out of proportion) try standing up to him he shouts and gets angry and doesnt leisten to reason, i've tried talking to my mum about him and she then talks to him about things causing an arguement which then my dad, in his rage (and after), blames on me
i cant talk to my mum as when i talk to her she twist things so that she is the one with the problems and then tells me to go away, she also can't seem to notice when im not happy and on the rare ocassion she does she automatically assumes it is her that has caused the problem and then goes on to ignore me for a while.
there was one person, a person that i did count as a friend, a person that was allways nice to me, never said anything bad to me and allways managed to make me feel a bit happier but today they decided that they will no longer talk to me any more (they have a lot of problems of their own)
i hate myself, all i do is sit in my room doing nothing which is not good as it gives me time to think about my problems - allthough this makes things clearer it makes my problems seem even worse. I now have 11 weeks of doing nothing (extended summer holiday due to study leave and lack of friends also mean a lack of a social life) to think about these problems making myself feel even worse

because of feeling like this, it makes me feel physically ill - i get headaches and feel sick, i dont feel like eating much anymore and havent been able to hold a conversation with someone for the past 3 days

i sometimes wish i had a new life completely different from mine

i know the advice that is going to be given to me and i will most probably come up with reasons against it which kinda defeats the object of me post this all in the frist place

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