Teen Forums - View Single Post - Years of therapy, and I'm still not happy

xX_Lilly_Xx · 06-22-2008, 11:09 AM

So, I'm out of therapy and all that I learned was that it wasn't my fault.

Here is the back story: born in the States, childhood mostly spent in Trinidad b/c my father is from there. He was verbally and physically abusive. I still have the scar on my chest from when he kicked me through a wall when I was five.

When he would become too much, I would hang around my uncle, who was a drug dealer and a pimp. He had me dealing for him with my best friend between Trinidad and Columbia, by ourselves, and I was his top seller. But when my friend wasn't doing as well as me, he killed him, in front of me, and had me bury the body. He was in jail for a long time, and I hung around my best friends family, where I met my future first boyfriend, my best friends cousin.

We all moved to the states. My mom divorced my dad, and the abuse stopped, but I became addicted to liquor and my first boyfriend, despite all we had seen and been through, joined a Columbian gang (since he was from Columbia, he became their leader eventually). Things were good until I became a target of one of the rival gangs, but they didn't know what I looked like, so he killed himself to protect me.

Around 16, I was an alcoholic; nobody ever noticed, even after my mom remarried. I was the youngest in the family, and to most overlooked. I've had nothing but rocky relationships after that and after years of therapy, I'm stable. But, even though I've survived all of this and can say that it wasn't my fault that it all happened; I'm still not happy.

I want to be happy.

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