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Originally Posted by Einsteinette  Hi, everyone. This is my first post, so I'm not quite sure what to do, so I'll just give you the facts:
I'm 12 years old. I'm from England. I've always been a really good student, my dad tells me I should go to university...maybe even Cambridge.
I'm also disabled. I have calabrel palsy (spelling?) on my lower limbs, but I go to a normal school, and there's nothing wrong with my mind at all.
I do loads of extracurriculur activities: I'm a librarian, a student councillor, and I'm doing a Creative Arts Bronze Award.
I'm not bragging, but I'm also mature. Really mature. My friends tell me I'm 12 going on 40. That's the problem.
You see, I feel isolated with my friends. Like I belong on a different planet...or maybe they do.
I feel horribly humiliated when they are hyperactive (I'm never hyperactive), and when they get in trouble, I cover for them, because they can't do it themselves.
I'm a twin, and I love my twin sister like mad but she's always got into trouble, whereas I don't. I feel like she thinks my parents only care about me, because they look after me when I'm doing my stretching to keep my muscles flexible or praise me on good grades.
I want to talk about Shakespeare with my friends. I want them to know that I want to talk about literature, and be appreciated. I've tried telling them but the conversation always goes something like this:
Friend: Well, I'm sorry we can't all be smart.
Me: But you're so...childish! (not the best way of putting it)
Friend: We are CHILDREN!
Me: Yes, but why won't you try to be mature?
Other Friend: Look, Beth, that's not always a good thing...you're 12 going on 120.
Friend: Just because...
I feel like I'm suffocating because, not meaning to be horrible to them, but they just seem so inane. I look after them, like I'm their mother. But I can't be. I feel as though I have spent so long trying to protect and look after them, that no-one looks after me anymore.
I have never, ever told anyone this. You see, that's another problem: my sister is The Bad One. She lies. She fights back with our parents. I'm the Good Girl. I'm not meant to do anything wrong. I just paste a huge smile over everything and hope it will all be okay. Because I have to keep pretending, for my friends and family.
Do you want to know what the worst part is?
I'd give up all of it: my grades, my extracurriculur activities, the praise from my teachers, the GCSE work, just to be a normal girl.
Can someone help me or at least say they know how I feel? |
Hi, Beth.
I had a friend like you once. She was in and out of the hospital a lot when we were in elementary school. I found out in the 6th grade that she had cancer. She had to grow up a lot in order to handle the stress of her disease; she never got to be a kid.
She wasnt brilliant like you obviously are, but by the 7th grade she could hardly stand to hold a conversation to us; we were fascinated with boys & glitter lip gloss and she was all about the latest cancer research.
I cant say I know how you feel, because I dont. All I can do is imagine. But it really bothers me that you wish you could change yourself just to fit in. Honestly, everyone probably has that thought during those pre-teen days, even I did; but that's not a healthy thought, and I think you're intelligent enough to realize that.....although it's probably a hard notion to shake off.
The problem is you cant relate & interract well with your friends and the same is true for them? Okay, This is what I would do. Find some new friends. I understand that you may have grown up with these people, and it may seem like a daunting task, but I think I can make a good argument. People grow and mature at different rates, but you are a lot more mature that youre friends, and its a problem for both of you. So, why not introduce yourself to some poeple a grade of two higher than yours? or, make some older friends on the internet. You can keep your old friends to bum around with, but you really do need people who you can relate to you in your life. And since youre so smart, you'll have no trouble interracting with older people. I wonder if your friends are over-achievers too? Older over-achievers tend to love literature analysis and stuff like that.
Right now, being more mature and intelligent may seem like a curse because it sets you apart from the rest, but please trust me, in a few years you'll see that those two things will set you
above the rest.
The situation you described with your sister made me think of this novel I'm reading. Its called
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Peoult. The case in the book is a more extreme, but similar.
I'll be back to get your response, im intrigued by your story. pm if you feel like chatting.