So, I've been thinking about bands lately. Not just bands that I listen to (though, let's be honest here, I think about those too. Maybe too much so), but also being in bands. I think it's because my mom's boyfriend is the lead singer in a band. But he's in a band that plays pop disco. Ew. 70's flashback. And not even the good 70's. More like the disgusting yellow/orange furniture and paisley everything 70's.

But to the point, I've been thinking that I want to be in a band. An emo/rock band to be precise. Wouldn't be too hard if 1) I actually knew anyone here, 2) I actually spoke the same language as people here, 3)I didn't live in Belgium. Oh, and I could actually write songs that don't sound like pathetic poems (and I do mean pathetic) and I could play an instrument. Or I actually liked my voice. I've got a ok voice, but it's a coffee house solo artist type voise, not exactly the type of voice that sounds good for the music i would want to sing. But yet I still dream about being in a band.

I think it's cause when I was little, when people would ask what I wanted to be, it was usually a singer. Even after I learned about the "Real World" and responsibility and such and changed my answers to ones that would please the askers more than that one, I always kept that as a dream in the back of my head. I tried learning instruments, but we never had the money to buy one, and I was taken out of school at a early age, so it was never a possibility for me. So I stowed it away in the "fantasy" oart of my mind, only opened in my dreams.

But now it's come back full force. Perhaps because now my future is in question, I don't really know. But it's still as unlikely now as it was before. But I still want to be in a band.

Random post, but I'm in a werid/random/reflective mood right now. Plus, I wanted to post something, lest ya'll start to forget me in my multiple absences (damn real life, and damn correct spelling) from Teen Hut. Especially since I'm moving (again) soon and won't have net for a while. But that's what net cafes (if you can call it that) are for.

On a side note, mom's boyfriend had a concert last night. We went with him and sat in the balcony thingy to watch. For some reason I just ended up feeling really lonely. Maybe it's because I was the only one that had no one to talk to. Mom and him were making out (right in front of me...I hate when they do that. And I don't mean just chaste kisses, I mean open mouth heavy kissing. Though they do that all the time. Gah, like I really want to see my MOM making out in front of me), the other band members were talking to each other, and everyone else spoke a different language. Though I'm sure some of the younger people spoke some english, I wasn't really able to find out. I also realized that I have absolutly no chance in hell with any guys or girls. Aparently I only attract the attention of creeps who stare at me, but the nice ones either don't see me or if they do, they never say or do anything. Aparently I'm scary. I have no idea why. And it's not like I'm going to make the first move because...well, I'm kind of shy irl, and even when I'm not shy, I'm quiet.

And I have no idea why I'm babbling and pouring my heart out on here when most, if not all, of you couldn't give a rat's ass what I feel or what I want. But I'm just in one of those moods where I have to type what I feel somewhere. anywhere. And I know no one will comment on this, or care, or whatever. And I don't really care either because I'm used to that. Just like I'm used to being ignored or having my mom and her boyfriend break promises to me. It's just life and it's just normal.

Btw, that thread title is from a song by 30 Seconds to Mars. As if anyone actually read this far to care.

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Aww, I'm so sorry. I'm in a shitty mood myself.
Ask your mom to limit it to the bedroom, and when you're not around?

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Urgh, I have. But she just says that it makes me uncomfertable because I grew up in a bad enviroment (dad was abusive and neglectful and all that other cheery rainbowy stuff) so I don't know that how she and him are acting is how people are supposed to act when they "love" each other. 'Course, I've never even been kissed myself, so how am I supposed to know? But anyway, she refuses to stop.

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It's kind of rude.

Man. I'm so not hungry. Usually by now I'm starving and eating the house decorations. But after today I'm just.. not hungry.

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Yeah, I thought so too, but I don't really have the right to say so.

And what happened today?

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Look at my other thread[s].

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**looks** You mean what you wrote in the "I could cry" thread?

Ugh, sounds like a sucky friend. Best thing to do would probably be to just cut ties, but that's just what I would do. Course, I haven't had too many friends, and the ones I did/do have we tend to just drift away so I'm not all that qualified to give advice, though I have had two end with a bang. But with those, well, they were beyond complicated. I did just simply cut ties with them though when they made it clear that they and I just couldn't keep up a friendship.

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There's also a "Some Friend" and "Hmm;;" Thread in the family/friends section...

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Ok, I'll look next time I get on though, if that's ok. I gotta go now. We're painting the new apartment tomorrow so that we can move in.

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