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Old 06-17-2012, 03:39 PM   #1
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Post Just wrote this right now...

I'm up at 4 in the morning, so I decided to write. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I just felt like posting it.

Happiness is a Lie

Going through the motions of self-control
Pretending nothing matters, like you have no soul
The time ticks by and the pressure cracks
Through to the bones - they sear through attacks

What's the difference between the young and stupid?
If it's all the same to you, I'll remain informed and depressed
Knowing the truth is worth more than happiness, because honesty is real
Happiness is a lie when you're inside my head

I love easy and lose hard, but I'm no fool to believe in forever
Forever comes too quick, like the Knight that never shows when you need him
I cry for you almost every night, wishing you'd just see the words I write
You mean everything and nothing - I can't compete

What's the difference between love and friendship?
If it's all the same to you, I'll remain alone and distanced.
Knowing what's real is worth more than the weeks we spend together
Happiness is a lie when you're inside my head

It's fine, I'm alright - just a million more lies
Do you say it for yourself to keep the dream alive?
It hurts them more, but I'll never speak a word of truth
Because silence is the secret, the utopia where I live

What's the difference between freedom and laughter?
If it's all the same to you, I'll remain trapped and quiet
Knowing what's out there is worth more because what happens next
Happiness is a lie when you're inside my head

All the lies and half-truths that nobody has to know
I'm just hurting myself, but it's better than me than you
I laugh at the truth now, the pain minus beauty

What's the difference between inspiration and happiness?
If it's all the same to you, I'll remain intrigued by sadness
Knowing what it feels like is worth more than the alternate numbness
Happiness is a lie when you're inside my head

Will everything become all better, like they do on TV?
Do they wind up in love or become best friends?
One goes out and the other stays home
I'm just here, looking at the world

What's the difference between reality and fantasy?
If it's all the same to you I'll remain unconscious.
Knowing is a pain, worth more than the pennies inside my pocket
Happiness is a lie when you're inside my head
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:28 AM   #2
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Pessimistic.

There was a rhyme scheme that disappeared, so that kind of seemed like you were just too lazy to continue. There was an attempt at continuity that a lot of teen poetry lacks. It's not bad. The theme is overdone, but you can't help what you feel like writing about. I was going to go through and point things out that I liked and disliked and thought were kind of boring or interesting or slightly over the top or amazing or annoying or deep but blehhhh, that's so much effort. It was good, it made me feel a lot of different emotions. The imagery was lacking, but that's pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

Keep writing, if you wrote about something other than teen angst you could probably get something fantastic out.
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Old 06-20-2012, 04:46 AM   #3
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheChristianHippie View Post
The imagery was lacking, but that's pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

No, just no.
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:31 AM   #4
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

I was in a bad place and kind of tired when I wrote that. Re-reading, I think it's actually kind of terrible. I had stuff written, but I changed it quite a bit and think that was a big mistake. I might post something else alter, but I don't have my book here.
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Old 06-20-2012, 06:28 PM   #5
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyChatGuyManDude View Post
No, just no.
Lacking is not the same thing as "completely devoid". So elaborate or shut the fuck up.
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Old 06-20-2012, 07:36 PM   #6
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Hey, I wrote this after reading your piece, I don't think it's better than yours but you really made a small spark here.

For the time I now think and see,
There is nothing worse than reality,
Why work so hard into the degree
Of insanity?

To find honesty, in trade,
Of fear and in-balance,
Why live in ignorance and lies?
When there is happiness of not knowing?

Of course there is pro and cons.
For knowing and ignorance,
The bliss of knowing and the pressure of keeping it once known,
The bliss of not knowing and the pressure of not being told.

What A Decision...

Reality and Fantasy...
I believe lives separately.
During the day and night,
When our soul splits from our body.

Have you ever felt,
Like you are dreaming when you are awake?
Awake when you are asleep?
For me... plenty of times.

Words and everything different?
That's true,
That's why they are named differently.
But one cannot be made without the other.

Being Young is being stupid,
being stupid is being young,
friendship that developed from love,
Love that blooms from friendships.

Secrets are great to have and keep,
but a great burden to carry,
For me, why know so much secrets?
Why carry so much around?

Silence may be utopia,
Try staying in it for a day or two.
Craving for noise soon will come,
Of course, it's vise-versa too.
************************************************** ************************
Great piece. Mine may look unreasonable and confusing... but I can't help trying to write one too.
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:10 PM   #7
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

^ shoulda posted a new thread.
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:18 PM   #8
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheChristianHippie View Post
Lacking is not the same thing as "completely devoid". So elaborate or shut the fuck up.
I don't need to elaborate since my post was enough for you to get the point.
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:38 PM   #9
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Lol.
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:03 PM   #10
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

I'm still a little rusty, trying to get back into writing poetry is kind of hard since I've been writing stories instead for about two years.

However, I was thinking about someone who passed away, and how it's almost been a year now. This kind of got me sparked a little. It's still not perfect, but it should get the view across.


On that warm August evening, the tears stung in my eyes
I read the words that I couldn’t believe, and to this day they still sting strong
The body was yours, you weren’t coming back and for that I hated you
But it was only for a moment, then I understood there was no hate to be due
The smiles and laughter, they weren’t always real, and more often than not they were just for appeal
The slippery slope, how I’ve been there before. The sadness seems like madness, and the pain never stops
To cure this illness, is to cure the soul – but the darkness is a monster, who can swallow you whole
The longer you try, the more useless it seems – but I’ll always keep on trying with you in my dreams
My fighter, my glory – this is far from the ending of your story.
.
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:05 PM   #11
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

It was pretty good.

Why so bawful though?

You always seem like you're crying.

I just wish you'd write a happy poem some day
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:27 PM   #12
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

I stopped taking my pills a while ago, so I'm waiting for them to kick in again ... but life's been beyond stressful lately... and it's almost the 1 year anniversary of two really painful things, so I've been thinking down a lot. Also, possibly too much Dostoyevsky.

I'll try to write something not so depressing for you... eventually.

(what about a pathetic love sonnet? haha I have one of those)
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:32 PM   #13
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

I mean if you really are depressed and sadness is all you can think of, then by no means should you force some other emotion..

Lol

If you've ever read any of my shit, you'll see theres always a hint of psychosis.

:3
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:55 PM   #14
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

Sorry TheChristianHippie ... I'm just new here and not very sure about the procedure...

Blondstrom...I stopped taking my pills a while ago, so I'm waiting for them to kick in again Pills? Sorry if I intrude or touched something sensitive. Just ignore this if you don't want to answer.

I find that writing depressing poems are more easier to write than happy ones... I would swear that finding something happy to say is not easy.
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:03 PM   #15
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Re: Just wrote this right now...

I take pills for depression and anxiety, but I have issues with continuing them.

Depressing poems are easy to write because it's raw emotion, same with love. It doesn't have to be logical. Happiness is easier to write in a story because when you're happy it doesn't seem all clustered, I guess...
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