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Old 07-15-2012, 01:08 AM   #1
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is this a good start?

is this a good begaining to a story? Would it make you want to read more?
It wont be that good cuz i wrote it 2 years ago and it was my first story.

I was running thourgh the forest, confused, unable to find a way out. Even when I looked up i didnt know where i was becasue the tree tops are so thick. I heard a small clap of thunder off in the distance. There was no way to tell where it was coming from. The forest was silent. Not a single animal was around. The only noise i could hear was the thunder. Slowly, each boom was getting louder. I was getting more worried with each minute that passed. There was no wind. Everything was completely still. It was humid, but no rain. There was a loud clap of thunder and a flash a lighting. I opened my eyes.
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Old 07-15-2012, 10:45 PM   #2
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Re: is this a good start?

Nice start, I would continue reading.
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Old 07-15-2012, 11:13 PM   #3
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Re: is this a good start?

thanks the rest of the story wasnt to good but im going to work on it
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:52 AM   #4
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Re: is this a good start?

Quote:
Originally Posted by calvindiaz214 View Post
Enjoyed reading post. Excellent start. Wish I had a creative mind like you. It feels like I am in a tree house hearing the noise of thunder and flash that creates fear and when I opened my eyes...............wish to hear more from you. Really enjoy reading your post and looking forward to know more after you opened your eyes.........
thanks
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Old 10-25-2012, 05:42 AM   #5
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Re: is this a good start?

Well it has an interesting beginning, but you break off into too many short sentence. I'm guessing you are trying to create a mood of suspense using that technique but something is missing.
Also do a little more show and a little less tell. Example, instead of I was running, confused, unable to find a way out. Try; I was running; flying past unfamiliar trees and shrubs. Everywhere seemed to be a dead end, and my heart beat sped up with panic, as I felt trapped by the forest.
or something like that.

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Old 10-25-2012, 05:49 AM   #6
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Re: is this a good start?

I would agree with what Jeminii said. Using descriptive phrases rather than simple nouns and adjectives can change your writing into something so much better, although it's a good start regardless. I could feel the anxiety and, sort of, rushed/fleeing feeling through the whole paragraph, which is something most people have a hard time doing, switching feelings into words. I'd read more.
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Old 10-25-2012, 08:36 AM   #7
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Re: is this a good start?

niggggaa, sounds good so far.
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Old 10-25-2012, 02:37 PM   #8
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Re: is this a good start?

I would continue reading, too.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:41 AM   #9
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Re: is this a good start?

very good start
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