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Old 08-23-2010, 05:33 AM   #1
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Unhappy Can't get over it...

So, its took alot for me to come here and talk bout my problem
many of you will think im just some stupid clingy girlfriend, I partially agree.

Anyways, me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 8 months now, and for his birthday (in April) he went round town and into all of these clubs.
See I knew he was planning it as it was his 18th, but he was arranging it for the tuesday after his birthday when everyone was free. I'd spent absolutely months saving my money and making plans for his birthday, and we were supposed to be spending the day together, although that never happened.

He came straight to mine after he finished work and I gave him his presents and wished him a happy birthday, he then told me that he had to go out for a meal and his first legal drink with his family and that he would come back and we could spend the rest of the night together. It didn't happen like that, I didn't hear from him until hours later when he told me that he wouldn't be coming back to mine and that he was having a few pints at the pub with his friends. Of course I was hurt because i'd put so much effort into the day and he just blew me off. We argued, and his phone was switched off for the remainder of the night.

I went to his the following day and his mum let slip that he'd crawled in at 3 in the morning, from town and that she expected him to bring someone else with him. \cue increasing panic.
He never told me that he'd gone to town, and we were arguing so I think that he went to find someone else, and he did.
I found out that weekend, after tears and heartbreak that he'd spent his night with two other girls. There was pictures on facebook of him letting them grind on him and letting them cuddle up to him. He didn't tell me about these girls, I had to find out for myself, I still have the images etched into my mind and cant get rid of them

It only recently came to light that he was left alone with them most of the night, them prodding him and flirting with him - and im assuming he returned them and he didn't walk away. One of the girls told me that she had tried to kiss him, and my boyfriend denies even recalling this.

What upsets me, is that I was layed in my bed crying my heart out and he was off spending time with these two obvious slags? Why did he lie? Why didn't he want to be with me ? Why was he with them? Why didn't he walk away.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, we just had the most amazing weekend together and this has just cropped up in my mind again, and I cant handle it.
I know he's wanting to go out again, and i don't want to stop him doing anything hewants, i'm just terrified. I can see this ruining our relationship and it makes me paranoid that whenever he goes out, he'll do it again. I love him more than anything in the world, he's my life and it would kill me to be without him. Tonight he left angry, and we didn't even say goodnight, i'm almost in tears typing this. I still haven't heard from him.

So how do I get past this? I don't want to lose him, but this is tearing me up inside.
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:30 AM   #2
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Re: Can't get over it...

Yet another drinking and Facebook related problem, far too many of these recently.

Fights and arguments are natural with relationships, if he was drunk at the time when the girls were grinding (by the way i have no idea what that means) and cuddling then you could blame a little on the drink.

Would have liked to give more advice but i have no experience whatsoever with this sort of thing though.

Best of luck
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Old 08-23-2010, 12:12 PM   #3
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Re: Can't get over it...

Aye, I agree with Lucke there. He probably was blackout drunk on the first night he could legally drink, and never even recalled it. It is possible, however, that he simply was trying to hide it from you so that it wouldn't hurt you, and some asshole friend took pictures and put em up on facebook. I'm sorry this happened to you, though. You need to put it straight and unwaveringly into his head that you are his girlfriend, and that he needs to respect you and not get blackout drunk and cheat on you. Got it?
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:14 PM   #4
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Re: Can't get over it...

He claims that he never gets so drunk that he doesn't realise what he's doing... he says he gets more sensible... which is unlikely...
I said to him at the start of the relationship that I was taking a risk being with him
(i'd got my heart broken recently before and was hesitant to give it to someone else)
He says he doesnt want to go there anymore, but deep down I know he does, I told him that if he ever cheated on me then we'd be done, with no second chances.
Does this count? He said he feels guilty now, but maybe thats because he see's im so upset? because he doesnt think he's done anything wrong.. and keeps saying im just hurting him..
im just terrified that he's gonna do it again, it's been 4 month now and I can't get over it...

Thankyou so much for your advice xx
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Old 08-23-2010, 07:07 PM   #5
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Re: Can't get over it...

Well it's been 4 months and he hasn't done it again, that is a good thing. Aren't you with him when he goes out drinking normally now?
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:06 PM   #6
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Re: Can't get over it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Welsh Prophets are Lost View Post
Aren't you with him when he goes out drinking normally now?
I'm only 16 so i'm not legally allowed, plus its always just 'him and the lads' when they go.
And no he hasnt done it in 4 month thats because we've been together like almost everyday and i've become into the most clingy girl in the world.
And i hate it. I hate myself for it, Im beginning to think he deserves better. :/
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:00 PM   #7
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Re: Can't get over it...

This is the hard part of a relationship, trust....i admit he hasnt helped his situation by hiding the event, but then again, he probably didnt tell you since he was afraid of loosing you....(no excuse)....

Your right he should have left, but he didnt, now he can not do anything about that. You will never get over this fact if you dont give him another chance. Its hard, and all you would do that night is think and beleive that he is doing it again, but you can not stay with him 24hrs a day now can you.....

Dont be clingy, see what he does, if it happens again....well im sorry but for me that would be the end. You will never know unless you give him a chance to prove himself though.

Side note: dont keep mentioning your ex bf'a experience, that really annoys and hursts him i guess.
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:50 PM   #8
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Re: Can't get over it...

I know, and we do need some space, we've been getting better at it.
I do try to give him another chance, like i said while i was on holiday last month that he should go out again with his friends.
That way I could get over it and not just be sat at home worrying that he's done it again.
But he didn't, he said he couldn't take the risk, which is making me think that maybe he doesn't trust himself not to?
I want to be proven wrong, but to me hes the most amazing person in the world, he's such a gentleman and I know other people can see it too, and want him..
I know I have to be strong enough to realise that if it happens again then I can't be in this relationship, he just wont prove me wrong so im stuck in this situation.

In answer to your side note, I don't mention my ex boyfriends, I only did in the beginning of the relationship to explain why I was so reluctant to get together with him. I don't compare him to anyone else, because tbh, theres no comparrison by a long shot. Thats why i'm so worried.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:21 PM   #9
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Re: Can't get over it...

I have had this similar problem before and to be honest you have done nothing wrong and you have every right to feel this way. Even if its 4 months later or whatever. When my ex cheated on me, I took him back and we were fine but I just couldn't get it out of my head. Even if he didn't cheat on you, the fact that his not showing other people that his committed to a long term relationship is harsh. As soon as a girl came to grind on him, he should of got out of the situation and went to spend time with his real friends rather than some random sluts.

Are you the same age or are you younger so you can't go out? because if you are the same age, you should go out with him and see what its like. But if your not the same age, then your completely right that you can't stop him especially if he has just turned 18 but to help you feel comfortable with him going out and having a good time, he should take the time to let you know where he is and what his getting up too.

It takes less that 5 mins to text someone and thats the least he could do. Or send you a kind text reassuring you that everything is ok and that he loves you. If he can't even do that, im sorry to say that he really isn't worth it and you should really think about moving on.

Get him over, talk to him about it.. properly and calmly. Explain how your feeling and the things he can do to make you feel better when he does want to go out because you don't want to stop him having fun. You have feelings too and the number of times, girls are left there, crying themselves to sleep because there boyfriends have been thoughtless is normally because they dont understand. If he agrees to keep you posted then maybe you can work on it but a relationship with out trust doesn't work. And, a relationship when your guy isn't honest to you and turns his phone of to avoid talking to you.. well you deserve better. Hope it helps. Its so frustrating because i know exactly how you feel and its so horrible. x

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Old 08-25-2010, 01:05 AM   #10
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Re: Can't get over it...

I would just stop thinking bad about yourself and concentrate on what is needed to help the relationship.

Give him more space, and that should leave it up to him to be responsible. And if he does nothing wrong then it is a really good sign, if he does do something else then end it really.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:23 PM   #11
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Re: Can't get over it...

We spoke about it last night, he was in a stupid mood so was making it a joke.
I just looked him in the eye and told him what i classed as wrong and that if they happened we'd be over.
He agreed to text me and says hell go out for his friends 18th (29th)
im terrified, but it has to be done, thankyou all so much , you've really helped.
and Melly its nice to know im not alone, thanks again x
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:38 PM   #12
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Re: Can't get over it...

Your welcome, will help any time you need it. Now that you've spoken to him.. don't remind him to text you or anything. Leave it and see if he does it naturally. If he doesn't.. then i'd seriously consider finding someone else as he wouldn't be respecting you at all if he doesn't keep you informed to make you feel more comfortable. x
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Old 08-26-2010, 06:57 PM   #13
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Re: Can't get over it...

I think he will
hes just really hesitant to go, saying hed rather be with me :s
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Old 08-26-2010, 06:58 PM   #14
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Re: Can't get over it...

Well thats a good thing
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:05 PM   #15
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Re: Can't get over it...

Coming back to this, a long time on.
I think I should inform you all that he did indeed go out again.
and cheated on me for real, 100% ... no details really needed.
safe to say I dropped his sorry ass, he now has a new relationship with a completely different girl, and a month in, she is pregnant.
I have had a lucky escape it seems.
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