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Old 07-18-2012, 11:22 PM   #1
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.. not in a realationship, feels like one. Help.

background information: I got out of a 4 year relationship in April. I'm not sad about it, very happy. I've always felt the need to explore more, and I felt stuck in a long relationship that I was too young for (we started dating at 14 I'm 19 now). This is important because most of the relationship I was anxious about being in one, not worried about him leaving or anything just worried about how long we'd been together and that if we got married I'd never have the chance to date anyone else... I felt too inexperienced for such a commitment, and I also have relationship issues and anxieties from my mother who is DEPENDENT on a very very extream level (that I wont get into) . I'm extreamly reluctant to feeling that way toward anyone, however I think that I am dependent on the dependency of others? does that make sense. I like being needed because of the way I grew up.

So summer came.. and This guy we'll call him john thought I was really attractive and started really really liking me, my friend who talks to him even used the word obsessed, but he always seemed okay around me. We started hanging out EVERYDAY almost. I told him from the very begining knowing he liked me that I didn't want anything, I couldn't be in a relationship after that and I should really focus on myself and just "Dating" as in going on dates with people but not making any kind of commitments. Also try and come to terms with the problems I have with relationships in general. Instead.. one thing lead to another, we're sexually active now (which is actually better then worse because before I had a lot of problems with being self conscious f, but he's helping me a lot and I'm 3x as confident! So this is a pretty big deal for me to have gotten so comfortable with someone so fast. ) IT's awesome though and everything is great.

So what's the problem? Well .. it's like we are in a relationship. he knows we aren't we talk about, and yet I feel as though I have boundaries, he's a pretty jealous person and I feel like I can't talk to anyone else because I'd make him upset.. which is a normal reaction for someone... but I guess I don't want to hurt him, I like him, and yet not I feel like I'm kind of stuck? but everything is good.. He even thinks I might just leave him.. which is bad because technically there shouldn't be anything to leave. We have talked again though. I feel like the "guy" in all my relationships. I'm going back to school in the fall. He might actually move to where I'm going as well to go to a school close by .. in that case it would be great in fact everything is great if he doesn't come then nothing more will happen because I can't do distance right now.. I think what I need the most help with now that I think about it is my own fears on relationships and just second opinions on the situation at hand. I also should mention that every online test I take says I have anxiety that should be treated and most of my friends tell my I do too. but I'm too anxious to go to the doctors in the first place so I don't know.
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Old 07-19-2012, 03:21 PM   #2
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Re: .. not in a realationship, feels like one. Help.

You can't have a 'friends with benefits' relationship without someone getting more attached than the other. If you don't want a relationship with him, you should tell him outright, and stop what you are doing.
I have been in his position, and it's not the nicest, he may claim not to want a relationship, but it will progress. Stop his feelings getting hurt in future, if you're not interested in any way, tell him.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:48 AM   #3
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Re: .. not in a realationship, feels like one. Help.

Hey what's up?
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