I previously mentioned another guy in another thread, my ex. It's quite complicated, we're not going out anyway.

Basically i feel i'm stuck on what to do with this other male friend of mine. His names matt. We've known each other for nearly two years now and have been really close friends. I went out with him for quite a few months until i realized the relationship really wasn't going anywhere, due to me realizing he wasn't for me. Problem is he really attracted to me, as i said we get along great, we're both easygoing and grown up, and i can understand why he loves me. All along i've sensed that just being friends has been hurtful to him because he feels he needs to be close to me physically whenever he sees me (which i understand). However its become a problem to even be close friends because of this! I dont want to lose him as a friend, he really does mean the world to me, but i just cant feel for him in that way. I dont think i ever will, i have known him for a good while now, if there was going to be a feeling there, i think it would have come by now. When we first dated each other i got kinda scared of the sexual side of the relationship, i know how guys get when they become in love with their partner, but i'm 99% sure thats not the reason for me being un attracted to him. Hate to say this but he isnt really my type on the physical side. I am absolutely attracted to his personality loads, but selfish or not, his look doesnt appeal to me. (Not saying he is ugly), just not for me, if you get what i mean??
I dont know what to do, he knows a relationship hasnt ever really gotten anywhere because many of times i have told him i dont know if its what i really want and i dont want to lead him on with thinking i was a relationship. I was unsure whether i really did at first, we tried it many of times but it just doesnt work. I do have feelings for him as a really close friend, but im scared that if i tell him this he will stop seeing me altogether because his feelings are much deeper for me. He recently told me he felt hurt to just be a friend to me. He also said he really would like to have sex with me because of the strong feelings. Despite how long i've known him and how much i trust him, i dont feel this is right. But like i said i dont want to lose him as a friend.

Anyone else ever been in this position?
If so,what did you do?

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Need and support? I'll listen

Definitely a hard situation. I cant relate as i have never had a close friend of the opposite sex. But having sex with him would be really giving him false hope & that would be harder on both of you.

You have to tell him he either has to get over his feelings or you cannot be friends anymore.

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"I spent 90% of my money on women & booze... the rest i wasted" ~ George Best

You think so?

I know friendships dont work out sometimes, well any form of relationship. But i know this will hurt him and i know he will stop meeting me because he feels hurt too much. But i dont know how to deal with that, problem is i really wouldnt like to mlose such a good friend.

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I used to be really into my best friend, who is of the opposite sex (im a guy, shes a girl). I really felt like she was the one for me and I felt this way for a long, long time. I knew she wasn't into me, but I decided to tell her how I felt anyway and she threw it back into my face, she was really cruel to me and it broke my heart.
Were still really great friends and were always there for each other. Were the best of friends, but every time I look at her I never forget what she did to me, and I still hate her for it, and even cry about it sometimes which makes me really mad at her, probably because I still care just a tiny bit. It's all a big confusing emotion of love and hate.

So my advice to you is to tell him you don't want to be with him, but don't blurt it out or shout it or treat him like a piece of shit, because he'll hate you forever. Let him down easy and try and keep a cool head and think straight when he tries to get all romantic with you, don't do something nasty.

Hope my advice helped, and if it didn't... oh well at least I sorta got it off my chest

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Thanks.

I can see what you mean. He is very laid back, but inside he probably hurts.
I hate being in this situation, i know it is likely to happen again, i don't see why we cant just be close friends. I would never be nasty towards him about it, but knowing how to do it isnt easy.

Only difference there is you told her how you felt, this guy has told me but i havent thrown it back in his face if you get what i mean?

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You shouldn't put yourself through it is basically what im saying, If he cant accept the fact you will never be a couple again & you just want to be friends its always going to be a problem.

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"I spent 90% of my money on women & booze... the rest i wasted" ~ George Best

Its really painfull,

It sounds like a pussy thing to say, but It it feels like shit when a guy has a real interest in a girl, much less loves her,

If you think about it, for a guy to love a girl is a big thing, the way men are, love isn't our first priority, thats just nature, but for a guy to feel a connection like that, especially seeing as its almost looked down upon in modern society for a man to be openly emocional, its a big deal.

But homeboy is right in telling you that the best thing for you to do is lay it out for him and let him know how it is.

Its not going to be easy, and yea, you might lose a good friend, but it would be alot better for him to just have a week, or two, or even a month of pain that he will eventually get over.

everyone gets over it eventually, it may take longer for some than others, but everyone will eventually find some other attraction in life or just move on.

My Advie = let him know, dont give him false hope in thinking that one day he might get some kind of relationship out of you, because sitting around for months hoping, wishing, and wanting a relationship with someone that you think you might have a chance with but the opportunity hasn't showed itself, is more painfull then you just rejecting me now.

Alright, just tell him straight up.
Simply explain to him, that you love him as your friend.
You guys get along so well.
But you just dont see him in that way, and you dont think you ever will..
Tell him you dont want to jeopardize your great friendship for something that probably wont last.
You know?

You have to tell him how you feel though.
Im sure, eventually, he'll get over you.
But not until you say something.

But thats still a problem.
He will never stop loving me, feeling for me if we continue to meet, will he?

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Need and support? I'll listen

Maybe you have to make yourself unavailable, and to him about it before, if he really loved you then he'd let you do it, and be a man about it. You just need to let him down easy, and make it known exactly how you feel, which is a pretty difficult feat

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