Complicated situation...

Maybe_Memories · 04-12-2008, 03:59 AM

Okay, just to warn you, this will probably be a long story, but I need to talk to someone about this, and I don't feel comfortable going to my friends or family for advice, as crazy as that sounds.

So, okay. I'm 15, and in the beginning of the school year, I had Study Hall 3rd period (still do, actually). My friend Lilly was in it, and this guy she knows, Mark (who's a a grade above us) was there too. I met Mark for the first time this year. So around October Mark and Lilly got in a fight, and he told me that they dated twice last year. The first time, it was around May when Mark had a lot of final exams and AP's to study for, and Lilly would call him every night and I guess he broke up with her because he couldn't take it. They went out a second time over the summer, but apparently he was drunk a lot and acted like a total jerk to her, and broke up with her again.

He's told me a TON of times that he's still in love with Lilly and he's been completely miserable for the past 8 months because she's pretty much been screwing around with his heart. Lilly and I both can tell he's changed this year and is a lot more trustworthy, helpful, nice, etc, and he doesn't drink nearly as much. He tries to help Lilly as much as he can with her guy problems (from what he tells me, she'll call him at like 2 in the morning crying about something, and he always helps her no matter what).

But, Mark's really confused because he can't tell if Lilly still likes him or not--she's told him she doesn't anymore, but she did earlier in the school year, but she still acts like she likes him. She's had 3 boyfriends this year--Ross for 3 months (he loved her but she didn't like him; she broke up with him); Sam for a week (she liked him, but he was a total jerk to her); and now Ryan (actually, I'm not sure if they're going out; all I know is they hooked up and he brings her coffee every day). So basically, it's like Lilly's playing games with Mark...right? I mean,she's "going out" with Ryan, but she'll text/call Mark all the time, etc.

Okay, and now for the sort of complicated part. I had/have a crush on Mark. It started in October, and since we became really good friends quickly, I told him in December. We went out on one date to the movies, but nothing really happened. And then, starting in like...February, he started talking about having sex with me. Like all the time. And at this point he had already called me hot, beautiful, pretty, babe, baby etc and it sounds stupid but I have really low self-esteem and it made me feel a little better about myself, like oh, someone actually does find me attractive, so I went along with it. I also went along with it partly cause I felt like if I was like, "No I'm not attractive", he would realize I was right, and I went, "No, I don't want to have sex", all our conversations would be like...awkward. And I HATE awkwardness more than anything. I didn't want to lose him as a friend, because I know most of the time he's a GREAT person.

We didn't have sex, but in mid-February I convinced myself that he was a jerk and I "stopped" liking him, and I told him I stopped liking him (Mark: "I know I was an a**hole and I feel terrible, I'm really sorry") and I told him it was ok.

But ugh, about a week later I started liking him again and I realized I never really stopped liking him, I was just upset that I wasn't the girl he didn't *love*, and I was just someone he thought was hot (and I keep abusing myself, telling myself like, "I'm not the only one he does this to, I'm just some other girl in his life etc." even though he's said I'm one of his best friends).

So I guess what I need advice on is, how do I convince him Lilly's just playing with him? Or at least make him feel better. He always seems so sad when he talks to me about her :[ And honestly, I'm not that great of friends with Lilly anymore--which I know sounds terrible, but a lot of times I've just thought of her as a wh*re (like, okay, she drinks a LOT and I know she's had sex with at least 3 different guys she never dated). And yeah, I really like him and I guess I don't really care if he likes me back, I just want to be the best friend to him possible and I don't even know what to say to him other than "Aww I'm sure she'll come around", when I'm sure she won't. :[

I'm so confusedddd.

Help!!

And by the way, thank you SO much if you read all of that, I appreciate it so much.

onyxeyes · 04-12-2008, 05:50 AM

It sounds to me like he's playing you in the exact same way that Lilly is playing him.

Plink · 04-12-2008, 08:38 AM

Alright let's start with your friend Lilly. What I think she has done with Mark is that she has in her mind and without telling Mark at all that she wants to be just friends. She still texts/talks to him because she in a way still likes him.

Mark says that your hot and all of that because he likes you. The reason why I think he wants to rush into having sex is because it might be that he thinks the only way to not think of Lilly is to have sex with you.

Now for the last part. About telling Mark about Lilly, I think that the only way to tell him whats what is by giving it to him cold. Sometimes its what works. Just say something like "Oh shes moved on". Hes a man, he should man up anyhow.

I hope that helps.