Hi, i dont know if this is the right place, but i dont really have anywhere else to turn, well my name is jamie, and i really dont know what to do anymore about what has just happened and how to cope with it, me and my girlfriend who i have been with for a year now, have just broken up, well she has left me last night, we had just gotten a flat together about a week ago, bought all the things to go in it, you see the reson she left and people are going to hate me for this is because i got angry a few times and hit her , I really did not wnat to do it, and now i have lost the best thing i ever had in my life and the one person i have only ever truly loved , Im finding it really hard to cope and i dont know what to do, i cant work, i cant even stand coming home, i have nothing to do and i just start to panic and i feel sick, i love her so much and its tearing me apart she has left because of my own selfish ways.

I really dont know what to do anymore, i feel so down all the time too.

Any advice on what to do or on how to cope better would be appriciated, Please dont get angry at me because i hit her, i love this girl so much i would do anything for her, i really cant understand why i do it, I hate myself about it i really do.

honestly man... you never lay your hands on a girl for any reason like that. You need to check yourself and probably a see a professional because that stuff should never evverrr happen not for any reason. She did what most smart girls would do... no one wants to be in an abusive relationship.. I think you should get help then after a month or more of help you could tell her you are getting help and try to win her back. Thats the only way I can see she ever taking you back.

You can't expect people to like you when you do things like that. I donno though GL with your problem seems like you brought this on yourself..

I know i did, it just hurts so much, i just dont know what to do, i have never been violent before, i havent even had a real fight, i dont know why i did it, i just love her so much I said i wanted to go and get some help but she just said it like its all rubbish and wouldnt help, at the begging of the relationship, it was so nice, for thef irst 5-6 months then it all started, i started getting angry etc, i hate myself for this now, i have lost her and i dont think she is coming back I just dont know what to do about being upset, i cant stop crying and thinking about her, its bad enough i have to go back to a lonely cold flat, which we got together for us to be happy. im so scared and upset.

try and talk to her and she may come around eventually.
If you have anger problems or something related see someone?
Its wrong to hit i'll admit but i can see you are generally sorry and youve made a mistake.

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support leader,

Its a long story though, her perants hate me, i can understand why, but im so sorry for what i have done, She was my first girlfriend and i love her so much, she is kind, beautiful everything, I just dont know why my stupid head took her for granted! now she wont answer my calls, she wont email me or anything do i need to give her time or something, its just so upsetting, because she called her mum and dad to come and pick all of her stuff up and i left her before they came and when i got back, my flat is empty, i miss her so much

Thank you for the advice, Personally i know hitting is wrong okay, i have been brought up to know what is right and wrong, but i have made a mistake and i need to get some help, i do believe people who hit women, can genuinly not mean it, because i certainly dont, i love this girl if anyone touches her in the wrong way or hurts her i would go nuts, but then why do i hit her :-S

well i can understand how you must feel.
i also understand how it feels when you lose someone you truly felt attracted to.
I understand you must be feeling terrible for what youve done, but i also understand what anger can cause. Plus you arent exactly denighing any of it, so yeah, give her time. Shes probably annoyed and angry that much so its best if you let it cool off. If she loves you she would most likely come back to you eventually, if you prove this to her.
Its never solving anything to sit constantly trying to get them to listen to you, when theyre annoyed.
Just give it time
I wasnt being offensive, i just know how much people change from seeing mentors etc.

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support leader,

I just keep thinking about things and it gets me so upset like how what if she really is gone and i never see her again, its just this was a really big breakup like she is never coming back, all her stuff was gone and her ring i got her was left on the table I just feel so down at the moment, and i have work to go to, and now a 6 month LET on a flat, its all just building up and i cant handle it if im honest

yeah i know it hurts a lot.

Then maybe you need to have someone else to help you through this, maybe?
It often helps.
If you're generally decent im sure she is aware of that, yeah?
I say a lot when im annoyed/angry, sometimes horrible things but i tend to come around.

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support leader,

she keeps saying she wants the jamie she meet at the begging, i have changed a lot ince then but its confusing, because i know what i am doing, i am completely aware of how i act, but i cant help it and i still do it, i am possesive, controlling, angry and violent, and its only starte since i have had my relationship with her, my first one. she knows that i was a ncie boy at the begging, i didnt swear or anything, but i have just turned into something horrible, and i am aware, but i need some help trying to fix it

Im pressuming the rowing etc has caused it, right?
but why wouldnt you want help to alter that?
If you love her that much and you want to prove that to her, why dont you?
It may help.
you seem very eager to alter.

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support leader,

tbh the only thing u can do is talk to her
at least make you and her have a friendly relationship
then hopefully work up from there
u need to prove u still love her tho
u rly shudnt of hit her tho
bt u kno tht so im not gonna go all grumpy
women are normally understanding about things

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but thats not going to stop it from happening again, the anger!
thats where help is important.

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support leader,

If she said that then you need to listen to her and sort yourself out. Maybe you could try and get psychological help or something. Why did you hit her, were you drunk?

I think you should leave her alone for the time being, maybe a week or two, at least until you've calmed down a bit, and then talk to her and try and convince her that your attitude towards her has changed and you won't hit her again. If she accepts this (and you'll be very lucky if she does) then you need to fufil do that. I wouldn't say try and get her to move in with you again yet, you need to start back at the begining, I reckon.

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