My ex-girlfriend and I broke up last summer after dating for a year, it was pretty serious and I've never been happier than I was during the year we dated. She dumped me for another guy (they are still going out), and after a few months I felt that I was over her. But recently, over the past few months, I've realized I'm not, and I don't know why. I think about her all the time. We haven't talked in a long time, so there's no contact between us. Since we broke up, I've not been the same person I was, I'm mostly in a 'down' mood all the time, although I successfully do hide it when I am around other people, so no one knows I am still not over her.

We never really had closure in our relationship, since she dumped me online and that was pretty much it, we never talked about it in person or anything like that. Recently, I've thought about possibly writing her an email telling her how I feel, that I still think about her all the time, and I still love and care about her. I wouldn't be doing this looking for a reply (and I'd indicate that in the email), and I wouldn't even care if she read it, but I just think once I send it, I'd feel like that was closure). I don't know if that's a good idea or not, though. I think she would probably show her boyfriend and others, and it would become a big laugh-fest, but who knows.

I really want to be over her, and as I said I thought I was as I didn't think about her for months but gradually I started thinking about her more, and I can't pinpoint why that happened. All I can think about are all the times when we were both happy and everything was golden. I keep wishing to rewind 2 years to when we first met.

Does anyone have any advice or has felt like this before??

Thanks

Hi. I have totally felt like this before, and in fact, I still do. I broke up with my boyfriend about 9 months ago, and we said we were going to be friends, but I moved away to university and we lost contact. Now he's seeing someone else, and I have come to realize that I miss him so much and that I love him.

I started to feel very down all the time, like you. I actually got very depressed, and had to go to the hospital to talk with a crisis worker. I am now taking antidepressants, and I'm also going to therapy.

I've learned a lot though, going through this. The first thing is just to let yourself be sad sometimes, and tell yourself that it's okay and healthy to feel that way. But if you feel like you can no longer focus, like you are constantly being tortured by the thought of her, or like thinking of her briefly can make you sad for the rest of the day, I think you might want to talk to someone. Anyone really. And I know that you're a guy, so you probably don't talk about things like girls do, but it sometimes helps to make it more real, and that can sometimes help to get you through things.

Another thing is this: A lot of people (if you talk to them) will probably tell you to "just get over her." Don't listen to them. Trying your hardest to make yourself feel some way that you do not feel will not help you in the long run. It's kind of a balance thing. You can't deny things that are really happening, but you also can't obsess over them either.

Basically, I have to be blunt and say that it's really not easy, and that heartbreak is one of the most profoundly painful things in the world. But if you really start sinking to a low place, please please please remember that things will get better. Even if it doesn't feel that way, things will.

Oh yeah, I forgot. The letter. I think a letter is a really good idea, but I definitely definitely don't think that you should tell her that you can't stop thinking about her and that you love her right off the bat, ya know? The key is casual to start off with. Like, you can say that you miss her, but you don't want to freak her out with all of the emotion. If she doesn't have feelings for you, it will be too hard for her to think about seeing you as a friend. But more importantly, if she does have feelings for you, she won't be freaked out and guilt-ridden about her current boyfriend. It's been a whils since you guys have seen each other, and you guys are gonna be different. You need to develop a friendship with her first, because if you truly love her, but she can't be in a relationship with you, at least having her in your life is better than nothing, right? I mean that's what real love is. And if you guys do end up wanting to try the relatioship thing again, you have have have to build that on friendship, or else it wont last.

Wow, I really let loose on you there. Sorry, I guess I have a lot to say because I've been through pretty much the same exact thing. I don't know if this was helpful, but if it was, you can add me as a friend and we can talk. Or anything. I just sympathize with you, and all. So later, hope things go well.

I say try what you can dude, if you really feel this way towards her. If they laugh they laugh, then you know you have to get over this. I would say grab some friend's get close to em, let loose, go out party have fun. dont stress that hard esp. if she left you for someone else. if a girl did that to me. rofl it'd be my mission to make her miserable.

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Ahh, I've had the same problem. You'll think about her all the time, it feels like it's never going to end and your never going to get over them, then one day, you'll think to yourself "Hey! I haven't thought about her for a while!" That's really what happens, the bad part though, you never know when it's going to happen. I fininshed with my girlfriend because she messed around with someone else at a party, not because I wanted to, but because I had to for me, and for my pride. Took be 2 months to get over her, and now things are going well with an amazing girl, and I think nothing of my old girlfriend. Take the highground, she's hurt you, show her you don't care, try to move on. It's ALOT harder than I've made it out, but that's because there's no real answer, it's a matter of waiting.

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My Music Taste: Death Metal/Metal Core AND Basshunter <3 Yes, it's an odd mix.

Maybe just write the email, but not send it.

You'll get over her eventually, don't worry about it so much though, you're only young.

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Hi fplan. As weird as it is to say, it is kinda nice to hear from someone who knows exactly how I feel now. I used to think it would be easy to get over people, and the most part it is. The first girl I dated a few years ago I had no problem getting over after a few weeks or so, and anyone I've had a crush on or anything, I've always moved on quickly. But this girl has me hung up for sure. I just can't seem to get past this, and it sucks.

About the email: I wasn't thinking of writing it in hopes of getting her back eventually, or becoming friends or anything, because I can't realistically ever see those things happening. I just thought that maybe if I got all my feelings and thoughts off my chest and sent them to the one person I want to know about them (her), regardless of what she did afterwards, whether she replied or not, or simply deleted it without reading it, I just thought I would feel better once I sent it, as if it would be closure to myself. I dunno though. We're in the same program at school so I'll be seeing her next fall, too.

I added you as a friend, fplan, so maybe we could talk more on msn or something? I don't know how comfortable I feel telling everything in an open message board...

Wow, she dumped you for another guy and you can't get over her because you still love her although she just ditched you?

That is an infatuation, caused by the fact that you haven't got many girls to date in your life at the moment. So you get more desperate thinking that she's your only chance.

Some guys don't even care if they broke up with someone because they are pimps.
Sorry but that's the truth, I learnt it the hard way. I hope you have it easier than me.

My friend, I wont say I went through a simular thing like others may have done...I've been through the exact. it was even a girl. the only girl I ever fell in love with.

your right, writing a message will help. it did me. greatly. amazingly so. but do not send it, and do not type it.

here is what I did, and here is what I suggest you do.

Pick up a pen, or a pencil, get some paper. get comfortable...and write.

write everything as though it were a letter to her, explain everything, sorrows of the past, the love you felt, the pain when she broke your heart. everything and anything you need to say. write it all down.

typing will not help, you cant pour your feelings into keys as well as you can the strokes of a pen.

do not stop. write until you are finished.

and re read your letter but once.

then tear it up.

this is what I did. and I was amazed. my original insentive had actually been to send the letter, but once I was done I felt so much better, I realised I didn't need to. I didn't need to forgive her or have her apologise or anything, I just needed to express my pain completely as I felt it. and what better way than through the powers of words.

I felt so good, so ready to be myself again. so I looked down at the paper and I thought to myself, that this single sheet of paper held all the pain she had given me. and I tore it up. and threw it in the trash.

I felt like I had left the pain behind. it really did help.

that is my suggestion. that is my advice.