i really really really need some help

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-17-2008, 12:34 PM

ok so here is my situation.......

for about two and a half years or so i dated a guy (lets just call him drummerboy) of and on. numerous nights i found myself crying myself to sleep because he broke up with me for yet another seemingly bogus reason. he would tell me that he was having family problems or that his parents were making him end things with me. i believed him and gave him chance after chance even when my friends told me it was a bad idea. something in my gut just told me he was telling the truth and made me not want to get over him. so then the more recent time he broke up with me was because he found out i was moving away for college and didn't think we would make it even though i told him numerous times that i loved him and he was the guy for me. finally he got it through his head and decided he didn't want to loose me. i told him that the only way i would get back together with him was if he promised to me that he wouldn't leave me and break my heart and put me through the hell i went through ever again. he promised that to me. then one day after i had moved he asked if i had been talking to one of my exes (who i dumped for drummerboy) and i was honest and straight forward with him and said yes i had and that him and i were friends and that i was not going to ruin a relationship with a friend just because he didn't like them. he flipped and the end product was us ending it.

so now that you know the background here's the problem:

after our breakup a friend (we'll call him militaryman) i had met in my new "neighborhood" expressed to me that he liked me. i had never met someone i had so much in common with and had never met someone who i hit it off with so well. so of course my immediate response when he asked me out was yes. we have been dating for almost 3 weeks and now my ex came back to me and wants to work things out and change his ways. he says he loves me and wants to marry me and that i am the only girl for him. he wants me to end it with militaryman. i told him i loved him too and that i would dump militaryman for him...........but now i'm not so sure i want to do that. i really like militaryman and like i said we have such an amazing time together and we hit it off the first day we met. i really love to talk to him and spend time with him and i find myself thinking of him and missing him when he is gone.

so my question is what do i do? what would you do? is this thing with militaryman just a fling? i would really love some peoples' thoughts on this. it has totally consumed my mind and my life. i really need help.

thanks in advance for any advice

superfly_sammie

Laura · 09-17-2008, 12:59 PM

ok well, dont dump military man (nice names hehe :P). This drummerboy guy seems like an arrogant,stupid,jealous penisface, he promised you he wouldnt break up with you then he does it over some stupid thing, let him go. tell him he had his chance and move on. It sounds like you have a good thing going with military man and you should do your best to keep it! if you have fun together then its worth seeing where the relationship takes you.

Drummerboy can get lost!!

Support Leader,
Laura

Jasmine · 09-17-2008, 01:04 PM

well you have to take into account the reasons for your breakups and also the times hes hurt you. do you want to let go of someone good for someone that has let you down so many times? ask yourself who makes you happier? who do you like more? who do you enjoy being with? etc... maybe your ex only wants you back because hes jealous of 'militaryman'. i'd say wait til you actually see 'drummerboy' changing. dont believe his words, look at his actions. you havent been with 'militaryman' for too long of a time so if you like him and think it could work then give him a chance. if 'drummerboy' really does love you, he'll change and be there in the end.
hope this helped, good luck

Support Leader,

Jasmine

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-17-2008, 10:13 PM

but what about the fact that i told drummerboy i loved him and would break up with militaryman? i mean what do i do about that? he's gonna think i lied and just made the whole thing up. he told me that if i did "break his heart" again like when i did when i told him i was dating militaryman, that he would never talk to me again and we would be done.

i really appreciate the advice btw! it's really kinda helping

superFLY_sammie

internationalbanana · 09-18-2008, 02:19 AM

Oh, screw what you told drummerboy. He told you he wouldn't leave right? Do what you want, don't break up with M-man because you made a promise under pressure... :S

Twelve Pack · 09-18-2008, 02:30 AM

Sounds like Drummerboy is a jealous bastard, I can relate to him. Truth is, if you continue to go out with M-Man, drummer boy is gonna go like insane, deffinantly. Prolly start ignoring you. (If I were him)

Sounds like, he just needed a break at the start to get his feelings straight with you. When he heard about you and your ex being friends, he just couldn't handle it mentally because he wasn't comfortable with that, hell I wouldn't be either. Just seems to me like ex's shouldn't talk.

Drummer boy just wants you back, probably because he sees you as the most special girl in his life, but if they guy is anything like me, then if you go back out with him... it's gonna be rocky, heh. Lots of Jealousy.

M-man will prolly change on you quickly, everyone always thinks everything is perfect for like... the first month of dating or so. I'm gonna assume you know drummerboy for a long time so, best to make your decision based on that. Just don't flop back and fourth, or you'll lose both, for sure.

cyndy08 · 09-18-2008, 02:33 AM

I think that you should do wat makes you happy....u r in school and need to be able to concentrate on that, and have a boyfriend that will support u....I think that drummerboy has broke ur heart over one to many times, and b-cuz u keep runnin back to him he will never change or stop wat he is doing....he wants u on his time and his way....as for alredy telling him u would break up with miltaryman....just talk to him and tell him u dont trust that he wont break ur heart again and that once u can c a change in the way he acts and treats u, then u will consider breaking up with militaryman, and if he cant or wont wait he doesnt really love u and is not worth ur time......u deserve better than that

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-18-2008, 02:49 AM

drummerboy is kinda showing me he is trying to change. but i'm still kinda hesitant. i dunno i've just been burned so many times by him that it's really hard for me to trust that he is gonna stay with me this time.

Jasmine · 09-18-2008, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superFLY_sammie08

but what about the fact that i told drummerboy i loved him and would break up with militaryman? i mean what do i do about that? he's gonna think i lied and just made the whole thing up. he told me that if i did "break his heart" again like when i did when i told him i was dating militaryman, that he would never talk to me again and we would be done.

i really appreciate the advice btw! it's really kinda helping

superFLY_sammie

you have to think about yourself in this situation. dont think about what 'drummerboy' wants, this is about what YOU want. think about what makes YOU happy. in my opinion, a promise to never break someones heart is an empty promise. it shouldnt be taken to heart because anything can happen. feelings change or things happen and sometimes its best for the relationship to end. honestly, if you two are promising to not break each others hearts then you might as well get married because basically you can only mutually breakup or else someones getting their heart broken. im not telling you to get married, but thats how i see this situation as, ya know what i mean? basically you cant break up with him unless its mutual or else you will 'break his heart' and he'll never talk to you again. pretty immature of him to say that.

its not a lie that you love drummerboy unless you dont really mean it when you say it. people can still love each other and care about each other and not be in a relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by superFLY_sammie08

drummerboy is kinda showing me he is trying to change. but i'm still kinda hesitant. i dunno i've just been burned so many times by him that it's really hard for me to trust that he is gonna stay with me this time.

its understandable for you to be hesitant. give it more time, people change for a while but once they have what they want they go back to their old ways.

Support Leader,

Jasmine

Pfat is trill · 09-18-2008, 08:55 AM

This sounds like the SAME exact situation my parents were in.

My Mom, dated... a militaryman (not really) after drummerboy dumped her/she dumped him and tons of bullshit.. drummerboy comes back says I love you I want to be with you, etc. she accepts. He has me. Then leaves my family because hes a stupid asshole.

GO WITH MILITARY MAN

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-18-2008, 09:38 AM

i think i'm gonna try and lay low with drummerboy to see if he's being truthful and changing and see where this thing goes with militaryman. i really like him and we have so much fun together. i kinda wanna see where it goes.

Humanity Beautiful · 09-18-2008, 09:42 AM

Quote:

i really like militaryman and like i said we have such an amazing time together and we hit it off the first day we met. i really love to talk to him and spend time with him and i find myself thinking of him and missing him when he is gone.

who are you happyer with?

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-18-2008, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolchrisVV2

who are you happyer with?

i'm not quite sure. they both have their good qualities.

superFLY_sammie08 · 09-18-2008, 10:08 AM

and i've also been thinking about a few things today..........

maybe i want to stay with drummerboy because he talks of marriage and spending our lives together

maybe my love for drummerboy has dimmed; i miss him but it's not so bad that it hurts when i'm not with him (if that makes sense)

maybe i'm just going crazy:eek:

Humanity Beautiful · 09-18-2008, 10:19 AM

not asking about qualities. if one makes you feel happier then hes it. fuck future planning if its ify now it could only get worse