Long story short I fell in love with a boy I can't have. Why I can't have him? 'Cause he lives across the country and has no job. I have tried all I can, including sending him bus money so he can go find one. After months of waiting he finallyt used it. But did he tell me this? No. His friend told me.
Now he told me he loved me too, more than anything in the world and anyone. At the end of November he started acting really weird. Not saying things, constantly negative, ect...then at the middle of December he comes out and tells me something. He had been dating a girl for 14 months and they just broke up.
We said that it was ok to date other people. I have been in a relationship, but its not something that will last forever. But I came out at the beggining and said I liked this other guy. The internet boy said he encouraged me to date him because he didn't want to put my life on hold. So I did. But along the way I have felt ENORMOUS guilt for liking two guys at once. I told this to internet boy constantly, but he encouraged me to carry on with my relationship. And since I care for my boyfriend I did. I even encouraged him to date, 'cause I know his self esteem isn't the best and it would help him earn some, and give him someone to cuddle and kiss where I could not. All in good faith that the relationships on both sides would run thier course, and in the future we would be together when we would be better equipped for it.
Anyways, I was obviously upset that internet boy hid this from me. He said it was nothing, but the fact that it was 14 months long says something else. Allt he meanwhile I think that I am holding him back from happiness. Then ever since hes been very moody, down and not himself, despite my love and support. When I tried to help him he would just snap at me, and when I went away for a few days instead of calling, getting me by text or at least saying he'll miss me he just said "ok". Then today all the sudden he was back to his normal self, and I thought that perhaps he finally broke through.
I was already having a bad day because a old friend of my family's got into a drunk driving wreck and is on life support. After I break this sorrow to him he comes out and says this...
"We got back together."

I don't know what to do about this. It hurts so bad....worse than anything I have felt in my life. I am starting to realize he probaly never loved me in the first place. And that all the guilt for caring for another and that I thought I was holding him back from happiness, was for nothing. That first I wasn't worth the truth and it was ok to let me carry my guilt. All this through a life that already was falling apart after an illness paralyzed my mom.

I have already gone other places to help me understand what to do about the situation. Should I be mad at him at all for not telling me? Should I hurt this much? But I got thrown to the wolves and called things like a whore/slut and crazy bitch. I do not come here for judgment, I already do enough of that for myself.

This is my most vunerable point, and I need some clarity. I understand that I'm no victim, but what I do need is a third party veiw that has no emotional attatchment look into this. Please.

Dont be sad friend
I know your problem
But this is 2009
Get your chance and change your life
it will be better for you

__________________
MY Personal BLOG
my fs or facebook: michele15015@yahoo.com

I feel like I have nowhere to go. Used to, when I was hurt, I would go to him and he would take care of me. But now I don't know where to go.

I'd have hope, but for the last few months every time things started to turn for the better something else would bring me right back down. I don't know where to go or what to have hope in anymore.

And thank you, thank you for not judging me or ignoring me like others places.

SOmetime its okay to remember him
but iam sure you can forget it
Maybe not in 1 day,1 week,1month or 1 year
Just wait unti that day come to You

__________________
MY Personal BLOG
my fs or facebook: michele15015@yahoo.com

Exactly as "JingJing" said (sorry I dont know your real name), you just have to try your best to move on. It sounds to me as if you were very nice to him and he, suddenly, can't seem to return that. Now, that doesn't mean you can't still be friends at some point, but that does mean that you can't let him crush you.

From a guys perspective: he probably told you about this break up thinking that you would be there to support him through it, not realizing it might upset you. He wanted your support through the break up, and you didn't give it. Thats not bad on your part, he could have handled the situation a lot better than he did.

I reccomend you forget about him for a while, as much as possible. Don't go for a relationship (as your on the rebound and that type of relationship usually doesn't end well), rather spend time with your best friends doing things you absolutely love. Maybe you can try something new that you never got to do before?

I hope that helped, PM me if you need.

__________________
condoms arent completely safe, my friend once got hit by a bus while wearing one
-Anonymous

i know you most probably cannot forgot him soon or something. but you've gotta learn to move on babe.
do not listen to how people judge you. that will ruin you.
what you need is to learn how to direct ur attention to other stuffs.
do sports, go clubbing, socialize, parties, whatever...
you get ma point?