am i just a friend?

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-08-2009, 08:22 PM

so i alread posted this in the friends and family section... but not many people have replied... and not many people seem to be viewing that section... and because my post also relates to dating and relationships i thought i'd repost

so here goes... there are three parts to it... so i'll put them under the different dates... and id be grateful if when you reply you could say something about each bit... thanks

2nd Novemeber 09

Right... here goes... just a warning, this will probs be a very long post... so feel free to leave now if you wish... but any advice or just your general thoughts would be greatly appreciated

thanks

basics... 16 year old girl... who really really likes this guy... you've probably heard this all before.. but well i'll go ahead with this anyway.

Well, there's this guy in school (i'll refer to him as J). Me and J have been friends for 6 or 7 years now, but i've really really liked J (as more than a friend) for over a year now.

For about four months the only people that knew i liked J were a few of my close friends... and that was the way i wanted it, but in february this year my best friend (i'll refer to him as L) talked to me about it and helped me decide that the best thing to do was let J know how i felt.

for a week or two there were several occasions when i tried to tell J, but i just couldnt do it. i was too scared about what he'd say. so eventually L told J for me.

i thought things woudve been easier from then on. i thought that J would either say he liked me too or that he wasnt interested in that way, so then either maybe we could start hanging out more or i could move on...

but things werent as simple as that. for about two days after he found out it seemed that J was avoiding me at all costs... i was devestated... well obviously i took this as a rejection... so spent the whole two days trying to think of the reasons why he rejected me...

but then the next day... after the two days of him avoiding me... he was going out of his was to come and talk to me, and it wasnt even as if he wanted something... he just came over and asked how i was and general stuff like that... after two days of being devestated i was absolutely elated... at this point i didnt care whether he liked me back or not, i was just over the moon that he wasnt ignoring me anymore...

since then we've spent a lot of time together... but he still hasnt said a word about the fact that i like him. 9 whole months... and not one word

so 9 months on... where do we stand now...

well... needless to say i still like him a hell of a lot... and more recently we've been able to spend more time together because of the classes in school... another thing is there's about three hours a week in school where we spend the time ... just the two of us... and tbh its amazing... we just sit in the music room (just the two of us... nobody else) and we talk, we laugh and joke and we play the piano and stuff together... he's even had me teaching him how to play some songs... and vice versa... he always tries to make me laugh and smile... and well... you get my point

and its during this alone time when i just look at him and think... wow... because he really is such an amazing guy... and he really makes me feel special... i spend the whole time im with him constantly smiling...

i sometimes think about telling him how i feel... but then im scared it'll change everything... im afraid that he might start avoiding me again... and im just scared that i'll lose what i have...

what are your thoughts? do you think he likes me or not? and what do you think i should do?

thanks

Rhi

xxx

6th November 09

well... either he's not picking up on my hints or he's ignoring them...

our school prom is 6 weeks... so i was kinda hinting at things...asking how he was getting there... if he was going with anyone etc.... no response...

also im not a naturally flirty person... but ive sorta upped it a bit... like he was trying to get me to sing for him earlier on... but i was like... but do i have to?... if you really want me to i will... and that kinda thing... and me and him were listening to stuff on my ipod together.. and there was the occasional brush of the hand followed by a glance.... and more stuff like that...

and nothing

this is so frustrating... im trying so hard... but not getting any response :/

8th November 09

this might sound stupid... but i had a dream last night involving J. i just want to know if you think it means something.

well before i went to sleep me and my friend were talking about me asking J to prom, which i said wasnt going to happen.

then the basics of the dream... i had a phonecall and it was him... he said he'd heard how i felt and that i would like him to take ask me to prom. but then he said he'd rather take my friend R. so obviously i was a bit like oh ok... we arranged to meet up that day. we sat on a bench and just got talking. then he said that he just didnt feel the same about me. and he wanted to ask R to prom. i started crying... then pulled myself together and said ok i understand but at least listen to what i have to say. then basically i told him about how i felt and how i'd felt over the last year since i started liking him and everything. and he just looked at me... and then i said (through tears again) i understand you not liking me in the same way i like you, and i completely understand that you want to ask R to prom... but can you just do one thing for me... a hug would be nice... so he took me in his arms and we sat there like that for a while... me crying into him...

and thats basically it...

so do you think this means that this might be how he'd react if i spoke to him about it

or is this just because i was thinking about him before i went to sleep and this is what im scared will happen. so basically its just all in my mind

im just confused and a little scared to be honest...

and you might think im being stupid... i just need to hear somebody elses point of view

thanks

Rhi
xxx

Bektas · 11-08-2009, 08:34 PM

He's probably very nervous and shy around you because maybe he likes you.. Is he comfortable around other girls? You obviously really want to go to the prom with this guy and carry on dropping hints. There might be only one way to find out. Tell him how you feel. Or either carry on as you are, flirting, which may take long to finally work. Arrange a meeting or something, not necessarily a date and tell him you need to talk to him about something. He'll probably work it out before the meeting that your gonna tell him that you want to be more than friends and observe his response.

Good luck.

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-08-2009, 08:38 PM

thanks... and as for the being comfortable around girls... as friends he is.... but im not really sure about anything more than that... because i dont know if in the whole time we've been friends he's ever had a gf... i dont think he has... but im not 100% sure...

so he's never had a gf and ive never had a bf so all this kinda stuff is probably a bit new to us both...

i mean of course ive liked guys before... but never as much as this... never enough to try and do anything about it...

Bektas · 11-08-2009, 08:49 PM

The fact that you can possibly be his first girlfriend really explains alot. I was kinda in the same position as him and me and this girl really got on well. She decided to set up a meeting and she explained her feelings to me I felt the same and we kissed. This was my first relationship and hers to. Hence why im advising you to do the same.

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-08-2009, 09:05 PM

thanks again

ComplicatedMind · 11-09-2009, 02:41 AM

You are going to have to make the first move on this one Rhi. You guys aren't going to go anywhere unless you do something. I used to be exactly like him, exactly. Either kiss him by surprise sometime or ask him to prom. I'd recommend either one.

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-09-2009, 03:09 AM

i'll take the prom one out of the two... seeing as i havent been kissed yet i want the first to actually mean something... so i dont want it to be ad out of the blue thing with someone who might not feel the same... i currently have a text in my drafts which is me asking him to prom...it's been there since about 3 o'clock... and it's now half 8... but i havent had the guts to send it all afternoon :/

ComplicatedMind · 11-09-2009, 06:48 AM

Send it.

Alex · 11-09-2009, 08:09 AM

I say that you need to go for it, ask him to the prom. At worst he says no and you will likely still be friends.

And if he says yes, well you will likely have a long and amazing realationship with him.

Just force yourself to send that message, you will feel better once you have.

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-14-2009, 08:49 PM

i sent the text about half an hour ago... now im waiting for a reply :/

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-14-2009, 11:21 PM

3 hours later... still no reply :/

Bektas · 11-15-2009, 12:04 AM

Whatever you do. Dont think of negative reasons why he has not replied.

- Maybe he is thinking about it,
- Or simply does not have his phone with him.

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-15-2009, 12:45 AM

i'm trying to be positive.... i just have my moments where i slip into the negative mindset... but well what will be will be

I'mNotThatGirl · 11-15-2009, 03:59 PM

he said he cant :/.... he's promised to go with the guys... ah well

Bektas · 11-15-2009, 04:15 PM

That sucks.

If you see him in person again it will probably be very awkward for both of you because you have basically told him you like him and want to be more than friends.
Try make it not be awkward..

Continue your friendship and try go to the prom with some friends too.