Getting Asked Out. And Avoiding A Creep.

vanessavigilante · 11-15-2009, 01:11 AM

So I just got out of a relationship. It ended horribly and my heart was broken, and after many pitiful attempts to get the guy back it took me a while to learn that I deserve better. So I dropped all contact with my ex and decided to move on. Of course I miss him, he was my best friend first and my love second, but I can't remain hung up on someone who doesn't want me anymore.

Now I know this sounds brave for me, and I'm going to explain why:
I've met another boy.

Don't judge me on this. He just appeared in my life when it seemed no guy would ever pay attention to me again. I thought that once my first love left me, my love life was over for good and that I would never find someone else. But I started going to this youth center where some of the highschoolers from my school go to right after school to hang out, play games, etc. And I met him there. Let's call him Joe :].

So Joe and I just naturally started talking and hanging out together. He goes to my school and he's incredibly sweet. I was still very much hurt over the breakup I went through, but Joe just manages to make me smile and laugh. I started feeling happy again. Like overly happy. I always leave the center smiling.

And over time we started liking each other. It was obvious from the way we talked to eachother, how we moved closer to eachother and looked in eachother's eyes while talking. And whenever I would walk to another part of the center, he would follow. He would stare at me a lot, too. Basically, the regular things that happen when you like someone who likes you back happens.

Apparently, Joe had been talking about me a lot because his friends started going to the center just to see me. They wouldn't talk to me, they'd just stare at me and then whisper to Joe something about me. I didn't get this confirmed until Joe's best friend finally arrived at the center and approached me. We talked, and I was told Joe had said he was going to ask me out today. I was surprised and asked, "Do you really think he likes me?" His friend laughed and said, "For the past two weeks he has been smiling like an idiot and talking about you constantly. He really really likes you." But Joe left early without asking me out, and I was confused but his best friend reassured me Joe was just nervous and to wait till Monday or so.

The delimma of this is... I'm not ready for another relationship. I want to go out with Joe, yes, and I REALLY like him, but the thought of being close to someone in a boyfriend-girlfriend way after getting my heart broken..scares me. Hopefully, you all will understand is that I need time. And I also want to get closer to Joe before I say yes to dating him. And now whenever he comes around me I get nervous and shy and panic and run away or stammer my words >>;;. I just don't know what to say to him if he actually DOES ask me out in the near future, so I was hoping someone on here could share a thought on what I should say if the subject arises from Joe.

Now, onto the next issue. Ever since I've been going to the youth center, a boy named Ray has been getting pretty rough with me. He's 6'5" and full of muscle, and I'm totally too weak to actually fight back when he grabs on me. He is constantly picking me up and throwing me down on the floor or in a chair, then getting up in my face and threatening things like raping me and stuff that FREAKS the hell out of me.

Today, he went too far and I'm honestly scared out of my mind. After Joe left the center, I went outside in the backyard to watch a football game. When I was about to go back inside, Ray runs up to me and forces me to the ground. He tries to get on top of me and pull down my pants while at the same time I'm screaming and kicking. He's only laughing at taking this as a joke and gets up off of me. When I think he's about to walk away, he picks me up and throws me down on a bench. Then one of Ray's friends laughs and tells him that he and Ray have to leave now. So Ray asks me for a hug but he'd made me mad so I said no. So what he does is try and grab me by my neck and waist while I'm yelling at him to leave me the hell alone. he grabs my face and turns it slightly and growls in my ear, "You better watch out because I'm gonna f-cking rape you right here some day."

Yes, I know, disturbing. So what I need to know is what kind of actions I should take with dealing with Ray and a great guy like Joe?

LordOfTheBooks · 11-15-2009, 02:14 AM

Well lets hit up Ray first off, filing a assault charge against him by simply going to the cops that is the best course of action. Also tell them what he said to you, whilst he will claim he was joking people do not take rape jokes kindly. Otherwise stay with a group of friends at least 3 of them at all times when your on campus or even walking home until this issue is dealt with.

Moving onto Joe the answer is simple if you are not ready for a relationship that is perfectly fine. If you present that to Joe he may be a little hurt but if he really likes you he will accept your standpoint and wait for you whilst still being your friend. If he leaves give him a few days if nothing happens (i.e. no talking, seeing one another etc.) then simply move on, even though this will prove to be just as painful. If he stays he is worth it if he leaves then ditch him not worth your time.

I hope it helps.

Need anymore help feel free and pop me a VM or PM.

~LOTB

ComplicatedMind · 11-15-2009, 07:12 AM

First off, saying that you are not ready for relationships does not help anything. That only allows you to still hangon to the past and allows you to keep thinking about it. There's no point to that 'strategy'.

Second off, if you are still scared of Joe, just tell him that you'd like to get to know him better first.

Third off, report this Ray fucker to the center and carry pepper spray around. If he does this again, spray that bottle right in his face and he'll definitely learn his lesson. A person like him deserves pain.

Shute · 11-15-2009, 07:33 AM

Well, with Joe, you might want to think it over a bit more. You could tell him that you just aren't ready yet, but then you might miss out on a chance to be more with him. You can't let your past screw up your future. But, he sounds like the kind of guy who would understand that you just need some time, so it is really down to you and what you are comfortable with doing.

As for Ray, he deserves to die. Quite literally. You need to report him or tell someone what he is doing. Or tie him down and castrate him. Whichever suits you.

hanon · 11-15-2009, 09:33 AM

yeah and kick ray in the balls.

Ready · 11-15-2009, 10:57 AM

If Joe asks you out, tell him that you aren't ready for a relationship yet, but that you appreciate the fact that he's always been there beside you. Don't push him away, and make it clear that you're still interested, you just need some time to re-adjust after your last relationship. If he's a good guy, he'll understand.

For Ray, wow what a fucking asshole. I'm not even joking when I say you should go to the police and report that fucker. If you don't want it to get that serious, at the very least go to the youth centre administrators and tell them to ban this kid out. If you're scared that he'll approach you outside of the youth centre, tell the administrators of the youth centre that very fact, and they'll probably involve the police.

PirateX · 11-15-2009, 11:11 AM

For Joe, I'd recommend a little soul searching to see if you REALLY like him.

And for Ray, I'd recommend bringing this for next time.

If you miss, then at least you'll scare the shit out of him (if not, I'd recommend another round)

vanessavigilante · 11-16-2009, 09:29 AM

Thank you all for responding. I really want to avoid things like pressing charges against Ray simply because I'm too afraid to, but I know I should stay around a group of people at all times and not bother him.

And I think ComplicatedMind was right about Joe;; believing that I am not ready to move on still forces me to hope that me and my ex will get back together and causes me to cling to the past. It's just hard accepting how everything went wrong with my ex, but I'm going to be positive about it. I'll take losing my ex as a learning experience I had to go through to understand love and then move on with my life. I like Joe, I'm ready to learn more about him and possibly be his future girlfriend :] He's the sweetest thing ever~

ComplicatedMind · 11-16-2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanessavigilante

Thank you all for responding. I really want to avoid things like pressing charges against Ray simply because I'm too afraid to, but I know I should stay around a group of people at all times and not bother him.

Don't be afraid. He obviously doesn't care shit about you, so treat him like he treats you and bust his ass to the security.

Shute · 11-17-2009, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ComplicatedMind

Don't be afraid. He obviously doesn't care shit about you, so treat him like he treats you and bust his ass to the security.

Or castrate him. Slowly.

sumjohnsmith · 11-17-2009, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shute

Or castrate him. Slowly.

lol

Slyguy7 · 11-17-2009, 05:36 AM

Seriously, buy one of these:

They are amazingly painful. They're only $5-$10. My Dad teaches this stuff for a living, effective shit.

bad news · 11-17-2009, 05:48 AM

As for Joe, if you say no to him, even in a nice way, know that you will never have a chance with him again. Guys are wary of stuff like that. If you reject him, even if you tell him you like him, you will not have another chance with him. I know, I've been in this situation. If a girl doesn't want to go out with me I just don't bother with them any more. I guarantee you Joe will feel the same way. So you have two choices, go out with Joe or forget him all together. You don't want to be in "I like him but I rejected him" situation. It's not fun for you or for Joe. You really need to move on.

As for Ray, I would be delighted to show you all the wonderful ways to break his finger, wrist, arm, neck, shoulder, and nose (3 years and counting of Kung Fu), but I don't know you in real life. Don't be afraid to turn this fucker into the police. He has committed a crime, and for that he will go to jail. Don't let him get away with it. If for some odd reason you don't want to do that, tell a teacher or tell Joe. I'm sure either of them will be happy to set ray straight.