Okay, so I'm so frustrated I decided to google help forums and found this one.
Basically, here's my problem:
I have a girlfriend. We've been dating for 3 years now and are very close. She's the sweetest girl, loving/caring. But the issue starts with something since, like, ever. She's always had this "guy friend" who she's best friends with since I met her, and whom I know personally through parents, friends, his brother, and this whole asian community (we're all asian). They've been friends since having the same middle school and high school, and now they're in 12th/senior year (I'm 2 years older). She's always getting rides from him, eating lunch with him, doing homework, going to class, texting, calling, etc etc... things friends do--and she's a pretty caring friend. I've always been uncomfortable about them always being together, with my strong belief that a girl and a guy can rarely be "best friends" (without one/both being gay), and I've always seen their joking as *flirting* with sexual innuendos strewn about. Of course, whenever I mention it, she insists and assures me that they're "just really good friends" and that she doesn't find him to be a relationship-worthy guy anyway.
So this goes on and nothing's happened yet, but just 2 days ago at an annual party (for our asian parents' clique) I noticed they were really "close" friends. This didn't mean anything to me until yesterday, when my girlfriend decided to bring up that she had this minor "crush" and wouldn't tell me who until I decided to guess his name. And she says "it's nothing big! It's just something physical." She told me that after the party she confessed to him online and he told her to "flip a coin" (uh...). She kept assuring me and sounded uncomfortable/guilty, so I tried to lighten up the mood by saying something like "well an attraction like that is understandable as long as you don't let it manifest itself into something else" (I didn't know what else to say/do! and I didn't want to seem like a jealous asshole...). Later, we were talking and she said that she'd definitely date him if we didn't have our 3 year relationship under us, and that he's probably holding back simply because I'm still here.
And now that I think of it, whenever she's at my place and on the computer, she's always logged in her email and chatting with him or just absent mindedly clicking his chat name to check for messages.
She says she "loves me very very very much" and that I am so much more than her friend, but she seems particularly distant (head in the clouds, mind not present, uninterested) ever since the party. I can't tell if it's her homework load--she tells me she has to finish this book and has soo much to do and she doesn't want to put it off, but I call and she's with her dog and online.
I love her (perhaps too much), and I don't want to doubt her, but I'm the kind of person that just can't help it. I've always been paranoid of people's intentions, and I have a trust issue. And I can't help but think about the "awful" things that could be going on between her and this "best friend," like what if I'm losing her. I'm horrible at speech, and I seem to never be able to bring myself to say what I wish to say. I feel like her and that guy are too close and flirty to be healthy "friends" but I don't want to be an ass and tell them to stop being friends either.
I can't stop thinking about her chatting, calling, texting him under this "friend" pretense, and I'm just sitting here in agitation (I can't do shit else). Are they too close for a friends level I should be comfortable around??
or am I just over reacting?
I don't believe she's the type of person to actually physically cheat, but I don't know how soon her "crush" will end(?)... and I don't know how to confront her about this... What should I do now???

---------- Post added at 09:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 AM ----------

Sorry. I didn't realize how LONG that post was...
but please advise! D:

First of all, I believe everything she has done to this point is very disrespectful. You did everything right to a t, especially with the "attraction is fine as long as you don't do anything about it"

however, you have to trust your instincts in this case. I think you need to move on, especially in light of how disrespectful of you she has been. You should a lot of restraint especially when she told you that she would definitely date him if not for you. On top of that, I think she has already begun something with this guy or is about too. You are her "emotional" boyfriend while he is the "physical" one. I can't say for sure if this is true, but everything fits:

She doesn't "have time for you anymore"
When you're together, she still doesn't have time for you
etc

If a girl wants to be with you, they will. It doesn't matter if their mom just died, if they're really busy, whatever. If someone truly wants to be with you/be around you, they will do everything they can to do so.

Trust your instincts on this one and tell her it's time to move on. She might get all emotional but don't let that dissuade you. She's not really going to miss you, she's just going to miss having that emotional relationship with you

Same with schmedes2 said. If a girl says that she'd definitely date a different guy if it wasn't for your relationship, that's basically saying that she's lost interest in you and is going for him. I'd drop her and try to move on as quick as possible. If only 3 year relationship, so that means she doesn't want to hurt your feelings...lame. Get rid of her. Sorry bro.

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Tell her that what she's doing is fucking with your head and isn't working for you (assuming both are true), and let her know that it's over if she isn't going to change then you are history (or just keep fucking her and sever your emotional attachment, but that's not really honest with her and you have to be pretty cold to make it work).

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Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

Thanks for the replies.
Saying she'd date the other guy if not for me really killed me. I mean it was honest, but the truth sucks. And wow, I guess that "emotional boyfriend" thing really hits the spot, as for how I feel anyway. Although it's not as extreme as you portrayed, schmedes2, where she just doesn't have time, other things I didn't mention lead me to feel just like the emotional boyfriend...
In conversation, she suggested jokingly (though, I really believe that most hurtful/inconsiderate jokes stem from some real belief) that she feels enslaved to me and my parents for taking so much food, time, money, etc from us. We joke a lot, and stuff, but while I was fearing that she'd feel trapped by guilt/debt, she brings it up. Somewhere inside I feel used...
Honestly though, lately I haven't felt any attraction for me from her. I mean, she still assumes the role of my girlfriend pretty well, except I FEEL she doesn't admire me like she once did. As much as I'd like to stick around her presence, I'd rather die than be just that "emotional boyfriend" for her to rely on.

It's not like I can pull out precise examples that can confirm this dying of our relationship, and I don't want to realize it, but you guys pointed out some things that I wasn't willing to admit myself. That given, I think I'll grab her to have a serious discussion about our relationship...

and lol @methsnax: I'll keep that cold hearted plan for backup. :P

i think u r drown in too much facts n circumstances.....

the first thing to do is clear ur mind.....delete all ur wrong thots....n start a new life....n talk to her with an open mind.....

thanks for the reply.
I was thinking the same thing. But then, whenever I clear my mind all I can think of is how much I want to be with her. In the end I don't know WHAT to think, and I probably don't know enough of her real feelings to know what to think...

I'll talk to her soon.

Keep updating us and see how it goes. We'd like to know for future references... Good Luck!

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