What's up with him?

Fabss · 11-29-2009, 04:46 PM

Ok, well hey. I'm new here and just wanted some more opinions on my situation. Now this is gonna be really long so sorry for that. Ok, well I'm gay and 15, 16 in like a month. Anyway, I'm in my last year of secondary school and we're going to finish the school year in April becuase from there we go on study leave for our GCSE exams. It's two or three (Can't remember) weeks until our christmas holidays start. So, last school year (10) I came out. I came out cos I wanted to and everyone knows who I like. We'll call him Adam (It's not his real name but y'know) so Adam is like, the cool popular one. He's apparently straight and has a girlfriend, the last I heard was that they had an arguement, but that wa slike two months ago. He's the one most girls fancy. But mostly cos of his body becuase he's got a six-pack and is all muscely (sp?). He's really jock like and stuff and his mates are the populars. They're the homophobes. Well most of them are, Adam and a few others aren't. So, yeah Adam's the guy that loads of girls liked at one point. With me, I love him. I mean, I don't think of him in any sexual way, like I don't care about his body, he could have rolls and I'd still love him. I love his personality and his eyes and his smile and laugh and just the way he's random and always makes me laugh. I just want to make him happy and be with him.

Anyway. I'm extremely shy when it comes to talking to him, and being that me and him aren't exactly close it's like argh. So this is where the problem starts. Since September Adam's been staring at me. Science is the only lesson we have together, and we have that every school day. So I sit next to my friend, who I'll call Rose. Well every lesson, at one point, Rose would tell me he'd been staring. Sometimes I'd catch him and our eyes would meet. We would make eye contact and just hold it. That's another thing. Me and him make a lot of eye contact. We always hold it, in the lesson or in the corridors. We just do it. Once, in science, I showed my friend a picture and knowing what she did, she got the attention of my other friend who sits next to him along with his attention. He looked at the picture, said 'it's well good' and I said thanks. When I said that we made eye contact and held it for a while, then someone called me so I had to turn away. I've caught him staring from the other side of the room. He's tried to talk about weird stuff to me. Such as my papers falling out of my book and onto the floor. One, that shows he's trying to make conversation, two it means he's watching right? He came to me to ask me where the beakers went once, shamefuly. I stared at the floor when he asked me, whereas he looked at me. A few times, he'd walk past me when I was on prefect duty. He'd be with his 'crew' and our eyes would meet. We'd do the eye contact. but instead of holding it, he'd look away quickly. The only difference, he's with his 'crew'. A few weeks ago (Four I think), I asked my friend to ask him if he'd do anything with a guy. She did, it went like this. She'd ask him if he would do anything with a guy, he asked her why she's asking him this. She replied 'my mate wants to know' meaning me. With that he obviously had an idea that it was me. She askedthe question again and then he answered the question saying he's curious. Now, strange how he answered after he realised I was connected.

But ever since that talk. He doesn't stare. I'm lucky to catch one. Every time we make eye contact, he looks away quickly. On Monday, he asked me to put his book away, when he asked me. He wouldn't look at me, just to the space next to me. The next day, I had the courage to go kneel by his desk where another friend of mine sat with him. Another friend was kneeling with me. I was watching Adam, he looked from my friend to the other, never to me. He doesn't go to the toilet when I'm on prefect duty and before, at the end of lunch we had to go to registration. Me and my friends would always go up the maths corridor while he'd come down it. He'd always be alone. But since my friend talked to him, he doesn't come down it. And the one time he did, he was with two other dudes from my year. So it seems as if he's avoiding me. And all I really want to do is talk to him. So it's just getting harder. But a few days ago, we were laughing over the way my science teacher can't cook and every time we laughed, we looked at each other and our eyes met, we held the eye contact. And with three weeks until the holidays, I'm running out of time becuase I don't want to go through the holidays with regret. I get home everyday feeling that, and I know I wouldn't enjoy it. I just want to hear your opinions guys. But please, I don't want any of that, 'he's straight' or 'get over him' stuff. Thanks guys and sorry for it being so long : )