ok so i have this friend, lets call her Jane, so jane and i met through a different friend of mine who passed about three or two months ago. they were dating (jane and my friend, we'll call her Mary) after mary died, jane went into a spiralling depression, and i was (it seemed this way) thee only one who could help her at all. i tried finding her a new bf or gf but all she did was say she wanted to be with me. dont get me wrong, if i was single (and interested) i would think about going out with her, but im not single, nor interested. whenever we talk about anything related to mary, or relationships, she says "i wish i was with you" or "i love you, andy, lets have a baby together" and im like whoa, dude, seriously? i need help of how to let her down easily but kind of firmly and how to keep her from coming up to me and saying she wants to have kids with me. sometimes, she even says "did u notice i was flirting with you?" and im like "um...no?" "well i was" its kind of over obsessive, and i tried telling her before of how i felt about her, and it just made her want me more. im confused, and i thought i would ask some of you for some advice
thanks
Andy

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this makes me think of walking on a tightrope on stilts. to make her happy, you have to break up with your current girlfriend, so that's no good. to make you happy, you have to tell her forget it, not interested. and with her depression like it is... not good either. helping a friend in the middle of depression is pretty tough, since it seems like you can never get through to them. are you simply telling her you don't want to date her? have you mentioned that you already have a girlfriend and are happy with your relationship status? honestly, you should keep trying to get it into her head that you don't want to go out with her, or she's going to fall deeper into her desire for you. you said she wants you more as you resist, well maybe you need to get a little more assertive about how you say it. but make sure not to make it so tough that you are yelling at her or putting her down or anything like that. it sounds like she's practically losing her mind, what with wanting kids with you and working to be with you. as much as a hate to say it, it almost sounds like she might need psychiatrist help. i'm not sure what to say after that, this is definitely a difficult situation. best wishes on fixing things!

You're really going to need to set things straight with her. She's probably gotten so attached to you because she feels the need to fill the hole. When I lost someone I loved deeply, it was either fill the hole or make everything obsolete. I did the latter, but had I gone for the first option it probably would have turned out quite the same way.

You need to tell her that you care about her but you are in a relationship and deeply committed to that person and don't want to let that go. She's a friend, but you have someone who's more than that already. Tell her you're there for her as a friend, but you really can't be anything more to her.

She may have chosen you to become close to because you knew that person too. I know that I became closer friends to my now best-friend when she needed someone after a person we had both known, died. It's easier to associate yourself with someone who was also close to that person because it brings back good memories.

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I would say set it down that you like her as a friend and dont see her in that way.

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