OK, so I am quite possibly the most confused I’ve ever been. Typically it’s about a guy… but also it’s about my best friend, which makes all of this so, soooo much harder…

To being with, the two of us have the most ridiculous relationship at the best of times - sounds like a silly comparison, but you know how in Wuthering Heights Cathy and Heathcliff sort of experience everything in a really extreme way? That’s like us. When we’re angry we’ll really yell at each other, once or twice smacked each other one (obviously nothing in an abusive way), when we’re upset he can sulk ridiculously and I’ll sob hysterically. Which doesn’t sounds like the healthiest relationship, but we make each other so, so happy, and we’ll have a blazing argument but then have this unspoken system where we just take it in turns to apologize afterwards.

And then to further complicate things… OK, the first time I met him I knew I really, really liked him, and then I liked him for about six months, but thought he didn’t like me so made myself get over him. But then AFTER I got over him he told me he liked me… And I thought that I should probably give it a go given how much I’d liked him before, but it just felt too weird and after about two weeks I split up with him. But we stayed really close friends, ad were for a long time.

Then at the beginning of this year, say, January time, I went through this awful time and didn’t speak to him for about six months.

And that brings us to where my problem actually begins… Since we started talking again we’ve been just as close, if not closer than we were before - like I said, he’s my best friend. But then the morning before I left to go on holiday for two weeks he sent me this weird text professing his love for me. I freaked out and said that i was sorry but I just didn’t feel the same way, but the thing was, I’d never really thought about him in that way since we’d been friends again. But the whole time I was away I couldn’t stop thinking about this text, and then when I got back we were just flirting all the time and he’d be holding my hand when we went out places and looking after me when I wasn’t feeling well… And it just felt so, so right… you know that fluttery warm feeling in your stomach you get. This is going to sound so stupid, but we were cooking together (Well, I was failing at cooking a pasta sauce, and he was moaning at me and fixing it) and it just felt so nice, like I could imagine us just doing that.

So I figured that I should say something, seeing as how he’d said he liked me and how we’d been so close and hand-holdy of late.

But then when I did finally get it together enough to say something… he freaked out first of all, which confused me a little. Then we had this awful talk yesterday evening where he asked why I hadn’t said anything before and I explained. But then he said that although he still liked me, he didn’t want to go out again because every time he thought about the two of us in the context of a relationship he was just reminded of what happened last time. And then (much, much worse) he said that besides this, there was someone else.

And I cried until two this morning when I had to take sleeping tablets because I didn’t understand how he could have acted like he wanted to get back together and then just said no.

And then, worse still, he sent a bunch of texts explaining how if he wasn’t in this situation things would be different, and how this is just the hardest thing for him and he really likes me and cant stand hurting me like this.

And so now I don’t know what to do. He’s basically said he won’t get together with me because he doesn’t want to hurt this other girl, and so I’m in a bit of a dilemma. I mean, I don’t want to get over him because the general consensus from people I’ve asked, and even what I feel given our history and how we are together and what he’s said, seems to be that eventually we should get together. But then I don’t want to split him and this girl up or anything. But then I just don’t want to wait around being miserable…

I’m not exaggerating when I said these last two days have been the worst of my life; I’ve cried solidly all day long just sitting around with a duvet eating ice-cream. I just don’t know what to do.

I’ve been miserable over guys before, but nothing like this. This isn’t just some guy I like… this is more than that. I don’t think I can tell him just how much he means to me now I know there’s someone else and I don’t want to ruin any chance of happiness they’ve got… But I so, so want him just to say, “you know what, I don’t care about her. We could be so great together, let’s give it another try”... I so want him to.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but please, please, just give me some sympathy or advice or anything!! I don’t know what to do

ok...i skimmed through that, but i think i got the main points.

basicly, you had your chance. On top of that, you waited too long. He seems like a really good guy b/c he doesn't want to break up with his girl for you, but at the same time he still likes you too which is a shame.

you can either try to break them up (which you dont want), or you're just going to have to wait and/or move on and get over it.

First.. you need to talk to him one on one. You need to explain how you feel and what you explained above.

Since you like him alot, and since you don't want to put him out of your mind, you need to talk. NEED TO.

Listen hunny, do exactly as i say

1. Take many deep breaths
2. go in the mirror and say that you love yourself
3. Dotn egt angry at me because its not helping
4. listen to my story

I had the same thing sort of happen to me. and i still am kickiugn myself in the head for it to this day. but girl...what u have to understand is that you two are dragging eachotehr down a very very VERY unforgiving pathway....what you need to do is remeber the reason you broke up with him before...remeber why it didnt work and then Please, PLEASE, remeber how you feel right now....u think you are hurting now...imagein if you went out with him for a long time then broke up....turn around and leave that pathway before it is to late...for your sake.

Thank you for talking.

The thing is, he only just got together with this girl, literally the day I told him I like him I think. And he spent so long moaning at me that I'd messed things up because he really likes me and it's not that he doesn't want to do anything, it's that he can't.

Which is better in some ways, but...

Maybe I do just need to talk to him :S But then I feel like that's the selfish thing to do.. I just don't know

@Tumbl3wEEd: I'm not entirely sure what you mean about us draggin each other down an unforgiving pathway. Do you mean we'd just be bad for each other, or that it's be stupid to risk our friendship, or..? I mean, we'd be so good together! It's basically like we've been going out these last few weeks and it's felt so right. And it just seems like a way to deepen our relationship... I don't know!!

im saying that if you are this hurt now, and it didnt work before, what makes u think its going to be better this time?...

i have had the same things happen to me...and i was saying the same things...i just dont want to see you being dragged along and waiting for him to break up with his girl and then when u are finaly sick of waiting....he will coem back...it has happend to me so many times.....i dont want it to happen to you, because it dosnt feel good, it sucks.

ahh right, i see what you mean. Last time it was that I'd already made myself get over him so I just didn't feel like that any more. And when we dated last time we were both very different, and it felt like he'd changed when we officially started dating. But like I said, it's been like we've been going out these last few weeks, and it's been different...

i can see what youre saying about waiting for him...i mean, thats waht happened with him before. But then, I think, he's worth waiting for, which makes it soooo hard... this whole situation sucks

Can i ask a question..how old are you?

and in what grade

17. I'm in England, just about to go into the Upper Sixth at my sixth-form, and then to University the year after (I know the schooling system is pretty different).

I'm certain I shouldn't be getting so distressed like this by now!

I say that you follow what u really think is right.....and btw do u care if i use this story for the my article?

Just so I know, what's the article for/about?

/could I read it afterwards? (*curious*)

its for this forum, and its about love and stuff, you can read it if u want...ill pm you it, i decided to leave you out but i still wanna know some oppinions before i put it out to the public

Ahh,m sure yeah thats fine.

It's be cool to read the article too, it sounds good. I'll take a look.

If anyone has any other opinions on this btw, they'd be appreciated (:

tumbleweed is right...ive done almost exactly the same thing as u. it really sucks. think about wat u want to do, and wat u should do. theres a difference.

maybe it was easier for me...me n my girlfriend were friends for a while before we went out, but not the greatest...n we havent talked since june...thats wat sucks the most...n the fact that shes got a new bf. but listen to tumbleweed.