I need your opinion.
(And this is kinda a rant...)

Half a year back back, my mom had a mean car accident and she got in hospital for over 100 days. When she got out, my parents were arguing, like, massively. They had previously broken up in the past, when mom cheated on dad, then they got back together. Anyway, this + a bunch of other shit that happened to me, I was like ftw, overdosed and almost died. Almost.

Im not proud of it.

Anyway, when I was in hospital, mom came to see me, screamed at me that since I had tried to kill myself, I was ripping the family apart and it was all my fault. I tried to explain to her that I was only 14 and that I was under massive stress because of her and dad always arguing and pulling me into it, and dad was always out on the piss and I had to stay home and look after their kids, me being the eldest. Not to mention my mom coming so close to death. She basically bawled, and screamed at me that she was abandoning me.

And she did.. Then she reclaimed me a week later when the System was gobsmacked that someone would ever do this to their own child, and said something.

She dragged me home, and grounded me for trying to kill myself. Then she had the nerve to tell me that all the family problems are because of me.

Now, dads left her, she has no source of income, she can barely walk properly because of what the crash left her, and shes seriously in such a state. She'll bawl if she, say, wakes up late, or I dont cook her breakfast.

But I can go with my father, if I want.

But... My mom needs me more than she ever did, but the one time I needed her the most and she abandoned me, not to mention spread these awful stories about me to the rest of the family. So Im the family joke now.

What the hell do I do?
And Iv started cutting again, and I think one of them is infected. What do I do? I dont wanna show the doctors... I dont know what theyll do to me when they see them.

Please dont tell me im emo and flare up at me. I only want a bit of friendly advice.

Well kill yourself... or show a doctor; infections are slow and painful. It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place, but at this point I'd probably just forsake my mom and go with my dad. Don't worry about it though, a lot of people have tried to kill themselves for stupider reasons. I suppose you should find yourself a reason to live out of all of this as well because living without a purpose isn't much of a life at all now is it. Good luck to you man.

I'll help you.

First off, you could or could not have an infection.

• Pain, swelling, redness, or warmth around the area.
• Red streaks extending from the area.
• Pus draining from the area.
• Swollen lymph nodes in the neck, armpit, or groin.
• Fever or chills with no other known cause.

These are the signs of infections, skin infections.
Sometimes if you attack them fast then you don't need medicine to heal them over. I've had a lot of infected cuts and I'm going to tell you what to do. Now I'm giving you advice and it's your choice to follow it.

First, you need to clean the area. Soap and warm water. Scrub slowly around the area and clean very closely to the wound.
Second, take hydrogen peroxide and clean the area until it starts to bubble, this is getting the infection out of your skin.
Third, dry the skin and apply a cream called neosporin. Cover the whole wound with the cream and then cover it with a bandaid.
You don't need neosporin. Vaseline will work wonders as well.
Keep lotions and other stuff away from the cut.
Do this about two times a day.
You should be fine.

Thanks to Fay for the wonderful tidbit about taking care of it yourself solving the doctor conundrum. I don't know how doctor/patient works under 18, but if it gets worse or Fay's treatment is too late then you do need to see one.

Yeah your right I guess, Menthnax. Where I live, doctors have to stay confidential, unless your "in danger".
Thanks so much Fay. What are the chances of it getting worse? >.< And how the hell can I prevent it happening again? Cuz I dont see why it hapened to this cut and not any other. I treated it like the rest.

You're welcome.
Well, if you take care of the cut now then you're chances are pretty slim.
You can prevent it two ways, stop or watch what you're doing.
That's why it's best to always clean and cover cuts right after you cut.
I'm not going not to force you to stop but please be careful.

What she is saying is stop or we'll break your arms... and legs; then you can't cut. ^_^

only i have is to just go to the doctor. u can make up some kind of excuse if u dont wanna tell the truth, say it was a cat or something.

go into the room without ur parents, if u say u dont want them there the doctors can make them leave. also, if u say so the doctors wont tell anyone, even ur parents.

theyll clean the cuts and maybe give u some medicine.

but u dont have to worry, they wont do anything to u.


other then that, u just have to stop cutting urself...if ur about 2, make urself stop n think about y ur actually doing it.

o n dysfunctional murder's right, if u dont stop at least clean them.

Well they'll tell that they're self inflicted, its obvious since theyr all in perfect straight lines. Anyway, I'm not going to go to the doctors - Fays advice has helped so much. (<3 ty Fay!)

I guess this is punishment for being ignorant. I've realised that I've got to change or it could happen again. And next time it might not heal, then I'll be pretty fucked over.

Im staying with my mom btw -.- my dad isnt actually my dad, hes more moms bf. My mom used that against him, so now I have to stay. I really wanna find out who my real dad is, I dont even know his name. All I know is he sent my mom to hospital, by breaking her nose (smacked her over) and had another gf, and had a kid with her too, then sent her to hospital too (broke her arm). I'm wondering if it would be better, for my sake, to go live with him. I dont know..

I dont even know how to find him! My birth certificate says "Father unknown".

Anyways, thanks so much you guys for your help. I'm giving up cutting. Trying to anyway, successful so far.

Go see a doctor if you think it's infected. Doctors LEGALLY can't say any thing to a parent if you go to them in confidence.

Leave your mom, and get her some help. Tell someone what shes doing because she sounds like she has serious emotional issues that she can't work through herself, and she's pouring it on you, you're only 14.

Cliffs:
Go see a doctor in confidence, tell someone about your mom who can get her help, go live with your dad.

Wash out the cuts, and apply a disinfectant like polysporian and a bandaid.
I think out side of work school and family go see a councilar. Someone you can talk too. There are youth centers all over try and find one in your community.
Also you need to tell someone about your cutting, espically if they want you to stop they will be there right by yourside.

And hopefully they can give you perfessional advice in what to do with your mother and father. Remeber we are also kids as well, and are advice may not be correct.

hey u
i dont know what the hell is goin through ur mind but how could u even think of leaving ur mother who has been nursing and caring u for 14 yrs.i know that she had abandoned u but then she accepted u.a mother can never be far from her children,her dreams.
so my friend if u have to have my advice dont leave ur mom and try to make ur dad and mom 1 once again.
and for ur infection i advice u to show to a doctor before it gets too late.
i have a similar type of story.
if u wanna be my friend and share the views then please just mail me once.
bye

about the cut go see a doctor.. ifections could worsn to the point of ampution or death

nd as for ur parent sitution i can't really help u but
try to get ur mom to a doctor or a phycologist (shes clearly really depressed)
and if she is .. u might want to stay with her to help her thro with it its ur choice tho

luk im in kinda the same boat...you need to find a way to make your parents understand and they shld stop putting you in their arguments...ryt them a letter or sit them down and break it all down to them, yeah they mite turn your situation into theirs and blame themselves for your pain...cut just clear it out to them...coz you going to crack one day and do sumthin drastic to urself...and your ders nothin wrong wid being emo...you be who you want to and if ppl dont lyk it them they can go fly!!! coz you shldnt have to take all this shit..