I would very much appreciate a little advice/mature answers here. If you are just going to answer harshly, please don't bother.

As i've probably mentioned before i'm getting quite a lot of depression/anxiety. This is probably due to the stress i'm having at the moment.

Tbh i feel my life has no purpose right now. I became a stronger person after suffering a lot of bullying etc (couple of years ago) and i seemed to get out of it when i started college.

I have always wanted a close friend, someone that i can really get on with. I have quite a few friends now, but they never really bother with me, or at least be there for me. The only person i haveever completely trusted is my mentor at college. I see her as my friend and thats another problem to me because i only wish we were out of college friends. I am happy to have someone though.
My head seems to work differently to others. For example.. i take a lot of things literally or the wrong way. I assume an awful lot.. i dont feel wanted by many people but they tell me i do mean something to them, well a lot. But i cannot getthis into my head:S And i depress because i feel im being placed below everyone else. Again, i think this is just my head thinking this,. My brain doesnt see or read what people tell me, it suddenly thinks DIFFERENTLY. It's really confusing! I need a lot of reassurance by people because it seems i cannot just KNOW that i mean a lot to people unless they constantly tell me. :S People dont even give me chance half the time. I understand this may be hard for others to actually understand, but i often wander why people cannot just try to understand.


One of my parents died recently. I am learning to accept it now, but it has made me so lost/lonely inside which is horrible. I feel i need to be doing something all the time to get away from these feelings.
Any change to a routine devastates me also. I know i have people there for me but its still hard because i cannot see them each minute of every day. Truth is i find it much easier to talk to members of the same sex as myself.

My periods really get me down. I am worried that if i go on the pill i won't be able to swallow them. And i'm also afraid i'll get some serious illness from taking them. I'm hoping something will ease them though soon.

I become very afraid of losing people that mean everything to me. This is probbaly because i have been let down a lot in the past by people. I want to keep my friends for life, i know we sometimes grow apart from people, but i dont want to do that. Whether someone lives in the area you live in or whether they live half way across the world, they're still apart of your life!

My hair is my main depression. Its gone so limp annd lifeless lately. Maybe this has something to do with the stress? I dont know! Its so silly i know, but its depressing for me.

I got over the problem overnot eating a few months ago. But it seems im just getting the urge to want to do that again.

I get obsessed with things easily which really can get me down.

My possible disorder may play a role in this because it frustrates me head completely. But i dunno. Does anyone else feel like this? Or if you have been through this what advice would you give me now?
Again, it may seem stupid but its important to ME.

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support leader,

I feel exactly the same way as you about taking everything the wrong way and assuming too much and feeling like I'm not wanted. I automatically assume that I am below everyone else and I just assume that everyone hates me, or I take the slightest comment as being told to go away. Just try to build confidence in who you are. As for the parent, I'm so sorry, that must be terrible. I cannot even fathom losing a parent. You may want to look into grief counsling for that. I think a solution to a lot of your problems would be to just feel confident with yourself. It gives off a positive feeling, and it makes a lot of people want to be around you and talk closely and get to know you as a really good and close friend. I do know exactly how you feel though with that and I did not know others felt that way also. Good luck with it all!

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Thankyou.

I dont really understand myseld tbh. I feel quite confident in my skin. Its not that. Its about my problem and what has gone on lately, im sure.

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support leader,

I too struggled sooo much with all of that. I took everything as if people were insulting me, thought I was stupid, thought I was ugly. I'd get defensive a lot. I'd always assume I was bothering people. I'd never go out afraid that I'd only annoy them. I never felt like anyone wanted me around. I always used to worry what people thought. Always afraid I was dissapointing them or letting them down. Any small sign that someone wasn't pleased with me, and I thought they hated me or thought bad things about me.

I also never used to let anyone get close. I woudln't talk to them about personal things, I didn't let them in my little bubble. I was alone. Alone with my own causes of depression and anxiety and low self esteem.

I dug myself so deep into depresion that teachers were pulling me aside asking me if I was alright because they said my eyes were so listless, so lifeless. No shine, no life to them. Just.. dead. I wouldn't eat, and when I did eat I wasn't hungry and really didnt' want to eat. I got to the point where I couldn't even feel emotion. I couldn't even cry. I was emotionally dead. I surely wasn't happy, but I couldn't even cry or feel sad. That was scary.

The only thing that helped me was making myself change the way I thought. Whenever I'd even begin to think something negative, I had to stop myself and instead compliment myself. Most of the time this was very hard, and there were plenty of times I didn't even try and let myself go further into my depressing thoughts. This is why it helps to have people that care about you. I had teachers, a mentor, a counselor through an afterschool abstinence program, and my boyfriend who was always there to shut up my thoughts that I was ugly or stupid. And finally, what always, with never failing, would bring my spirits up, would be helping animals. It just felt good to save an animals life, or to work to gain its trust..

What do you like to do? What is fun? What brings you joy? Find that, and make a hobby of it.

Does your mentor know of this? HAve you ever told her? Now would be a good time.

And yes, stress can affect that. I have a bit of an ezcema problem. I stressed so much over it that I made it completely flare up! Lol. I don't know if you do, but if you dye your hair a lot, straighten it, or anything like that could affect it too. Let it breath some, don't do anything to it too much for awhile, and you might find your hair looking healthier as well.

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The Voice of Reason

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love." - Augustine.

My mentor knows me in and out vertually.
I tell her everything,infact only she knows most of my problems. I couldnt rely on telling other people because when i've previously done this they've decided tocause big dramas and start spreading my personal issues around the college. This is what i am trying to avoid.
I will often make the most of a hobby,but it doesnt always work. Im not very independant, i thrive to have somebody with me. I know i cannot have this all the time but i dont have many close friends because people let me down a lot.
As you probably dont understand it isnt easy to sit and focuss on stuff when you have just lost someone in flesh.

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support leader,

I understand that. People find out about things, think you're a weirdo, act as completel jerks and talk about it and spread it all around. Ya.. people can really suck. And I'm sorry.

Ya, I can understand the not being independant. I always and still do find it hard to do things on my own. Always scared I'm going to make a fool of myself, too afraid to try it and not be good at something.

I can't even begin to express the sadness and empathy I feel for you. No one should have to feel like they can't trust people.. you shouldn't have to feel like you can't talk to people. But, I guess that's the world we live in. Just know that though people have let you down, they're not all bad. Took me a long time to start letting people in, to trust them, and it was scary. Very hard. Still is a lot of the time.

You're right. The pain that caused my depression wasn't a death of someone I loved, that someone who was apart of my family and so close to me. In fact, besides my childhood dog(don't laugh, animals mean A LOT to me ), I've never experienced the death of a family member I am close to. I'm not even close to my dad, and still can't even say I really love him, yet when he almost died of a heart attack I was a mess. My depression was instead caused by abuse and the lack of being protected by the people that should have been there, all mixed in with many other problems. I can't imagine losing someone in my family that I was actually close to. So you're right on that. I can't understand. And I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

If no one else ever tells you this, at least know this. I might only know you from the internet, and heck, you might think I'm stupid for many of my opinions or beliefs. I don't know.. all I know is that even though this is only the internet, and I can't even say I know you other than what you've said here on this thread.. I care. And I truly wish this world would treat you in such a way taht would bring you happiness instead of this sadness.

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The Voice of Reason

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love." - Augustine.

Thanks.

Your support is helpful.

Yes,your right. I find it very hard to trust. It seems that every person i have trusted has just let me down. I am learning to give faith in people now though,but its still hard.

Good he got better!
And you seem a very supportive person.

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support leader,

Good, I'm glad I could have helped in any way.

I really really really do hope that the right kind of people come into your life to help you. I certainly can't blame you thus far for not trusting if people don't treat you well. I didnt, and I woudln't. And even if htey do let you down,.. I still like to think at least most people still have good intentions and aren't complete jerks.. maybe I'm feeding myself a lie, I don't know. But It seems better than thinking negatively.

Well, don't make this about me, but that's part of the reason I chose to stay on this forum. It's given me a chance to talk to people like you. Some have PMed me for advice and some have said I've helped and made them feel better. I know I might seem like a religious bigot at times. I know I have some conservative beliefs and speak "christian propoganda" and some like to call it here on the forums, but when it comes down to it, I don't care if we disagree.. I still care. I do try and want to help.. though I'm no counselor or psychologist. I've just had a bit of my own problems and want to see peopel get through their own too.

Stay strong. continue trying to trust. And if you want, you can PM me any time you want.. can't promise I"m a genius or can take your problems away.. heck, I can't even say I'll always have godo advice, or any at all..but I do have a good ear.. or in this case.. haha, I've got good reading eyes.

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The Voice of Reason

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love." - Augustine.

I think it takes time to find the right people to be honest.

Again thankyou, i can see you help people. I have seen numerous of your replies and they have seemed to be very mature/helpful.
same to you.
Its not easy over a computer i agree, but i still appreciate it.

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need support and advice? Come talk to me!
support leader,

I'm not going to give you an essay on advice. Because the advice I'm about to give you is the best I can give.

I'm always here for you, no matter what.

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pardon?