Just looking for advice...

Faintfootsteps · 04-17-2008, 07:09 AM

Firstly the story behind all of this
So I’ve wanted to be an artist for as long as I can remember and while I was at school I went from day to day just living live. I had a lot to deal with mainly the fact that for some reason people just didn’t seem to like me. I couldn’t understand it I was always left out from my friendship group for example they would go out after school to ride there bikes or get drunk.

So then I left school and went to college with some of my friends, however I just didn’t like the course and to make matters worse the friends I went to college with already had friends at college or were starting at the same time as them. And so I was pushed to the back and found myself walking around alone at breaks and lunch.

Because of all this I just stopped going to college. And when it finally came out that I wasn’t going to college I was ripped apart by everyone in my family. And felt like I was not only getting the cold shoulder from all my friends and family, and so I started getting really depressed and found myself asking “what the point of living” and that’s the first time I contemplated suicide.

However I didn’t do for the normal reasons I didn’t want to hurt my family ruin everyone everything. And so I didn’t and slowly I started to enjoy myself again with life I wasn’t doing a lot but I was working on my art I had all these great ideas and I wanted to focus on that with some part time work on the side.

However my mother told me that I wouldn’t get a part time job and that I should go back to college. And so I went back to a different college and my class was the worst because everyone on the course seemed to be friend already and so they would all go off together and do whatever they did. But because of this I felt so alone, at least while I was at my first college I could walk around with a group of people even if they weren’t my friends.

Here I was really on my own all the time I didn’t have anyone to talk to, and everyone was looking at me with a sort of “Look at that loser” kind of look. And so I because of this I just felt depressed again. But this time its worse not only have I lost all my passion for art; I’ve become filled with hate, like I just snap when anyone talks to me. And I’ve almost been pushed to attacking my grandfather all he was doing was making a joke.

And so I’ve really had to ideas the first is to just run away and no one have to see my face again, or the worse one was kill myself, this time I don’t have those feelings like last time for example I don’t care how my family feels I just want to get away from this town…because I’m dieing inside.

James
(P.s Sorry about the state of the Text i didn't proof read, it was hard for me to write this.
P.P.s I'm not planning on killing myself.)

iphu · 04-25-2008, 03:46 AM

Are you in the U.S.? If it's college, a semester (or a quarter) shouldn't last too long. I would grin and bear it for now and make the best of life. There's always next semester (or quarter) where you can try to make friends. If you feel lonely, your college should offer some sort of free counseling. You could also just go outside and talk to random strangers.