Being locked up CAN really hurt me though.

And it's not that, it's that my grandmother would worry and she has enough on her plate ANYWAY.

And every time I have been happy something REALLY bad has happened.

How can it hurt you? I mean as long its not for a long time it cant really hurt you. One night or a few days cant be that bad.

And yeah i get that. But you could try not telling your therapist that you are suicidal. Just tell her about all your problems in detail, every single one just like in your first post. but leave out the part about being suicidal. Say you are really depressed but not suicidal. Then the therapist will help you with your problems but your mom will never find out that you're suicidal.

Then if you still need help with the suicidal part call a teen suicide hotline. They will give you advice and help you over the phone but keep your call anonymous so no one will find out. I am posting a link below for such hotlines.

Here is one of the better ones for you from the link:

YOUTH CRISIS HOTLINE
1(800)448-4663
Anonymous. Available 24 hours a day. No problem is too big or too small.

LINK: Teen Section

the first part of the link is about the dangers of meth, but scroll down about halfway and there are help hotlines for a variety of problems

Even one night is a problem I was put in overnight and went BALLISTIC. Plus even for one night if I have no human contact with anybody I care about I start to go insane and completely lose myself to insanity. I'm like that. I need human contact.

Why? Because when I'm around other people I tend to cling to sanity to make them happy

But when they're not around I let my true self out and it usually ends up bloody.

Talk to the guards and the inmates in the cell next to you. Or read a book to get ur mind off things. im pretty sure you can request to have a book in jail. Request to have a phone call i think you get one phone call. Or ask your friends to come visit you next time your in jail

I was put in a psych ward that's what I mean -.-

Oh. idk maybe you can still get a book? Or try to go to sleep in the cell since its overnight

They put you in a room.

They drugged me to get me to sleep.

And it's horrible for the next day, hospital food is gross and I have people I hang out with who I miss even after like one day -.-

well yeah but still its better to get help even if they lock you up right? i mean you will end up happier in the end

Cry me a fucking river, seriously.

Want help? GET IT. Don't sit around crying to kids on the internet. We can't do shit for you because you have an answer for everything.

And NOW after a scare I'm fucking pregnant. That's great. Abortion time.

Anyway, the BF and I broke up. For good. And now he's going out with my best friend and he hates me which means I don't get to see her pretty much ever.

The whole problem is that if they lock me up I go insane. I get worse. I need my internet, my video games, and my collection of books. I can't go for more than a night or two without them. And then life just gets so bleak and all I can think of is freedom.

People would miss you you have so much to live for getting a job your own house people DO care

Well I'm sick of waiting for things to look up. I've decided that since I have loose ends that need tying up before I can go ANYWHERE, I'm going to wait 4 months.

If things haven't started MAJORLY looking up by November first then I will wait until the end of November-one last thing to do and it's that month-and then kill myself. There's nothing you people can say to change my mind.

Hokay. Have fun.

~Maggot

... u wont do it, or else u woulda done it already. but like ^^^^ said... have fun with that