Try this out for size...

I grew up on welfare in a ghetto neighbourhood and was bullied my entire life until grade six. Half my first school was scared of me, I was scared of the other half, and all my closest friends moved away in a year or three.

We moved to a nicer area (seemingly) because Daddy got cancer when I was eleven. Halfway through grade six I moved to a new school, a horrible school where I became THE bully and had a lot of teacher conflict.

Daddy died November 28th 2005. I've been depressed since he got severely sick and suicidally depressed on and off since he died. I've sat there with a knife to my throat many times and stopped because something always seemed to appear.

My mother and I have grown to never-ending fights and I hate her with a fiery passion. I live with her because it's easy and there's nowhere else for me to go that I can be any happier. I'm not old enough to move out. I've been unable to go to school from the depression, although I am bi-polar and have extreme manic states, in those I don't sleep and so barely concentrate on anything anyway.

Right now I'm sick of it because my ex who I still love and care for is always either nice to me or hating on me, which confuses me, I don't know if he cares or not, another friendship is heading down the toilet and my BF is being jealous and giving me half-choices where I can either never speak to him again or choose what he wants.

All in all, this leads to much cutting and wanting to die. I want to go jump in a lake but I'm at a friend's house. So. Think you can help me?

Your bf sounds like how i use to be but other than that, i havnt had an experience like your's. If you need/want to talk to someone im always available.

Well I am thoroughly SICK of him in that manner. I'm hoping he either gets his fucking act together or just willingly bows the hell out of my life.

what are his reasons to be jelous anyway?

Paranoia -.-

Basically if I HUG another guy more than once in a day he flips -.-

Hokay, I'll help you with what I know.

1) You need to get away from your mum, no matter what it takes. Trust me, she'll fuck you up like you won't believe. Living with someone you hate is the last thing you want to do.
2) Get medication for your depression. You may need to try lots of different ones (I'm on my fifth now), but you'll find something.
3) Talk to your ex; see how he really feels. Speculating isn't going to do you any good.
4) Break up with your boyfriend. He's a shitbag and isn't worth the trouble.
5) You need to go to school, depressed or not. I take off days when it's so bad that I absolutely have to, but not going entirely isn't a good idea at all. Cry in class if you have to (I usually just go to the restroom).

~Maggot

That's the best advice I've seen in a while...

Going to school is a good idea, even if it doesn't seem like it. It can take your mind off things, and you can see people and friends and things. Try a sport...It always helps me. I go and lift weights when I'm pissed off...and even other people tell me I seem better during the wrestling season.

Talking to your ex is also a good idea...my ex broke up with me towards the end of a school year, and after that we didn't have to see each other and we just fought and didn't talk. It really does mess with your head though...

She cheated on him, more than once.

Go to school and talk to a counsler about what's going on in your life and see if they can help you get a therapist.

1) I don't trust counselors; I have a paralyzing fear of being locked up so I can't.

2) There's only more drama and worse drama in school

3) It's not going away anytime soon. I still want to die and I have for three years so shut it.

Uh, it's time for a professional. There's nothing stupid kids (myself included) on the internet can do for you. You need medication, perhaps cognitive therapy, etc. If you are participating in therapy/taking your meds/trying to get better, there is no reason for you to be locked up.

I'm sorry about your dad. I lost my mom when I was little, which really isn't the same because I hardly remember her, but I know how it feels to kind of be orphaned.

Get rid of the boyfriend. There is no reason to put up with emotional manipulation.

Why do you hate your mother?

Also, if you really do have bipolar disorder you should not be prescribed anti-depressants; anti-d's increase the likelihood and intensity of manic episodes.

My mother used Daddy so I hate her.

I also don't want my family to know what's going on so I can't TELL a therapist I'm suicidal; they're OBLIGATED to tell my mother shit like that and my mother would tell her mother and yeah.

It may be an irrational fear that I have of being locked up but I've already been locked up once overnight so how can I be sure?

^^^ the only to get rid of your fear is to face it. also if the therapist tells your mom so what? if you hate her then you dont care what she thinks about you right? and if you dont care what she thinks about you then whats the problem?

for example i dont like my stepdad and i dont give a damn what he thinks or says about me. and besides if you go to a therapist and he/she succeeds in helping you you will feel much better and happier.

1) I CARE ABOUT THE REST OF MY FAMILY WHO MY MOTHER WOULD TELL

2) No there is no way to stop her I've asked her before not to tell my grandmother and she told her anyway

3) I'll feel happier and then somebody'll die because I'm unlucky like that; something bad always happens and

4) Face my fear? So what, TELL them to lock me up? I think not.

Well even if your grandmother finds out I'm sure she wont hate you or anything. in fact she'll probably be glad that you are getting help right?

No i think you will just feel happier. No one's gonna die because your happier trust me. if you are happier it will be better for you and nothing bad will happen.

And no don't tell them to lock you up but try to focus on the fact that the fear is irrational and being locked up cannot really hurt you and your fear will disappear eventually