I've never been the most confident person. Most of my friends would describe my self-esteem as nonexistant. Which is pretty true I absolutely despise the way that I look. I'm kinda chubby, but I wouldn't say I'm fat exactly. My hair is the most boring color you can imagine, and it's all thin and does that stupid 'straight-at-the-top-but-curls-at-the-bottom' thing that's so unnatractive. I don't really have acne. My face stays pretty clear most of the time, but my skin is pretty dry. Which is eh. But enough about that. I don't like my appearance. The first thing that I do when I sit up from bed in the morning is see myself in the mirror. And I hate it. I've started to just keep my eyes shut till I walk out of my room. I want to cry everytime I go to put my makeup on. I feel like no matter how much makeup I use, it's never going to make me pretty. I cary a note around in my pocket everyday that reads
"Keep your head held high, pretty girl. You are beautiful, and don't let anyone ever try to tell you otherwise." It doesn't really help though.
And lately I've just been feeling more and more worthless. I've been getting that little voice in the back of my head that's saying "Just kill yourself. You're a waste of space on this planet.", and the more I ignore it, the louder it becomes.
I just don't know how to handle all of this.
I feel like all of my friends are secretly mad at me. Well... I have a few friends and then I have my two BEST friends. And I think they're mad at me.
I just had a really huge fight with my best friend about two weeks ago. Because I'm too clingy I guess... along with the fact that rumors were going around that I had a immensly psycho-obsessive crush on him. Which I don't. I never have. He basically told me to leave him the fuck alone most of the time. Now we have summer school together, and we're back to the way we used to be pretty much I guess... but I always get the feeling that he's mad at me for some reason or another.

I feel like nobody wants me. Like I'm an annoyance. Like i have no point in being here. I don't know how to shake it.
And I'm not sure if I'm every going to be able to.

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Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?

so sad a beautiful being can feel so down, listnin to sweetest girl while i was readin that almost gave me a tear.

you need to look up, and realize life isnt about how others see you. we have a life for a reason, its yours and its amazing. there are millions of people around the world who feel like you do, down and out, for those i wish i could take away the pain, but life goes on, people die and people are born, through the miracle of life we see it, but we cant fix emotions, time and love are our best options.

from my point of view, your intelligent, pretty, and sensitive.
don't portray yourself as worthless, nothing could be further from the truth.

if you need to talk the names cody, and my addy is c.j.e@hotmail.com.

stay beautiful.

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That note in your pocket is true.
It honestly is.
You might not feel like it because you wrote it and you don't like yourself.
You may have fallen out with your friends but you will make it up eventually, just give them some space.
Your self-esteem might be so called 'non-existent' because you don't like yourself.

You really shouldn't. If you don't believe yourself. Believe me and Cj above.
You are beautiful, you are clever and you are an awesome person.
Once you start believing in yourself. Other people will believe in you too.

Hope this helps darling.
xxx

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Life is the one thing we are in control of.
We can either let the bad times get us down
Or we can concentrate on the good - even when we feel that there isn't any.

Thanks Cody. That helped like so much you have no idea.
You too, Penguin.

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Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?

Don't get all obsessed with your appearance.

It's really not worth it, at the end of the day, personality is way more important.

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Hang in there tight girl. There is more to life than getting depressed at how people don't seem to like you.

If you think you are a bit on the chubby side, I would strongly recommend to start some kind of exercises like sports or hitting the gym. It will make you feel happier and better (at least while you are exercising). I was in your status once, I felt worthless, needy, etc. Then I have started working out at a gym few months ago and I found that I started to feel more attractive and confident. And now I feel that life is wonderful again.

Thankyou Jessikuh,

I just thought I would add that if you are really unconfident about yourself. Try watching 'How to look good naked' with Gok Wan.

He talks about well how sexy you can look without being size 0 basically, (even though I think you look fine as you are...from your picture) He is awesome and can help you feel better about yourself and bring back confidence jsut by watching it, not even going on the show!!

Seeing as it is on the telly for me at the moment I thought I would tell you about it.

It should help bring confidence back. Also try a new outfit, make-up and new look if you really want to be daring. Gok Wan can help with that too. He gives tips on styles and fashions and make-up through-out the shows.

Okay.
Have fun shopping darling!

__________________
Life is the one thing we are in control of.
We can either let the bad times get us down
Or we can concentrate on the good - even when we feel that there isn't any.

I was where you were once. I felt so undesierable. i thought everyone who was looking at me was thinking i was fat and ugly. i thought i was to fat,and pimply. I was very depressed for a time. my friends knew i wasnt confadent about myself but they kept telling me i am beaautifull. one day i was so tired of hating my self i tried smiling alot more and talking to people. it turnes out i was wrong about myself. 1 guy had a crush on me once he saw me smiling and just enjoying life. most times we trick ourselves into thinking we have too many flaws. but thats just it. we are all human. everyone has flaws. but if you surrender yourself to those flaws then you will think of yourself as one big flaw. look at the posotive, and try having fun in what you do. before you know it you will be branching out and feeling alot more confadent and honestly the confadent people in life look better than those who aren't. There is probably someone who has a crush on you but you are being to stubborn to realise it lol. just be happy. things will fall in place.
i promise.

best of luck
-Victoria

If you feel this way you should do somthin
exercise, dye ur hair, or style it, it will make u feel better,
but im sure your really pretty already you just need to be more confident,
guys love confidence and many have said it increases the girls sexyness :P xxxxxx

I totaly agree with that.
Listen to people when they say things like that. You may not see it, but not many people do about themselves anyway, while it's so obvious to others.
Just give your friends time.. They'll come around. And you can make new ones too... That will help so much with your confidence and self esteem.
xxx

I second that.

And I hope you get the confidence you should totally have.

I know exactly how you feel. Honestly hun, you are NOT ugly. I know how hard it is to gain confidence, but it is worth the effort, especially since you are not ugly! Like Penguin said, if you don't believe yourself, believe us, we have no reason to lie to you about it. This is going to sound a little mean, but I think you should see someone. You sound like you may possibly have BDD or Schizophrenia, both of which are serious.

I've been asked if I have schizophrenia before.
Along with tourettes, psychosis, OCD and bipolar disorder.
None of which I think I have though :/
What's BDD though?

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Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?

It's Body Dismorphic Disorder. Basically, a combination of a lack of certain chemicals, past experiences, etc cause you to literally not see yourself the same as others see you. People with BDD often become obsessed with particular traits and do a lot to try to hide the perceived flaw. You should look it up, and if you think you meet a lot of the symptoms, definitely go to a psychologist and ask about it. As it is, i think you should see someone to make sure you don't have anything at all.

I just checked Wikipedia. It does sound an awful lot like me :/
But I don't wanna jump to any conclusions and say I have a neurological disorder. Cuz I don't think I do...

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Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?