Over the last few years I have lived my life in two ways:

the first way is ultra-depressed, ultra emotional, overreaction to everything, very sensitive, everything makes you want to break stuff or cry.

the second way is a lack of all emotion. Going through life without caring, even when very significant events are taking place.

I find the second one most fasinating and was wondering if anybody else has experianced anything like this. During these periods, which can last upwards to two years for me, I don't really care about anything. I'm not happy at all, but there's not really much that can make me angry or sad. Then again, there's not much that can make me happy either. I simply go through life as a zombie, and it's easier on myself and everyone else then when I'm uber manic depressive and stuff.

Anyone else been through anything similar to this?

Yes I have been in your shoes.

I have lived the first 15 years of my life with low self esteem. Few close friends, wimpy, etc. One day, I had a crush on a girl. But she rejected me. After a few months, she permanently left to other state. It was really frustrating how things could go on like that. It felt like I'm a total failure. I got angry and hated everyone around me. Later on, I started to not give a shit about anything.

After a while of that, I slowly started grasping the reality. Everyone is born complete. You are independent by nature. That means getting depressed for small things shows that you are pathetically weak. You have to stand up for yourself. If you keep being a wimp with no backbone, girls will treat you shit, guys will treat you shit and life will treat you shit.

I found a really good quote from the other forum that describes this.

Defenitly I feel like that most of the time. Some months I'll be so emotional and depressed and I cry all the time sometimes it's even so bad I go back to cutting and then there are othere months with no emotion at all not caring. Currently I'm non-emotinal at all your not alone there alot who feel this way

Same here it sucks sometimes but hey sometimes you gotta just learn to express yourself learn to articulate your thoughts and feelings and well get things out and you will find that you let your depression out while keeping yourself open to feel....and for those who have doubts due to what i just said I am a guy.