I feel horrible right now. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel depressed. I am alway constantly thinking about over-dosing because life is just not worth it. Insanity is knocking at my door for real becuase my thoughts have grown even more delusional and
irrational.

To make matters worse, my mom doesn't want to listen. It felt like someone stabbed a knife through my heart when he said that she was tired or hearing my situation. To be honest, I see my mom as a monster...it's the truth. I get nauseated or my head starts hurting the moment she even comes near me. It has gotten to the point where I hate seeing her face, I hate her voice and and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish she weren't dead.

Before I lost faith, I used to pray to god asking him to please remove her from my life because she makes me just that miserable. She alway says that "If I do this, I will leave the family hurt", but yet they don't think to ask how I feel.

I'm so sad and disappointed right now because I that I want is happiness. I haven't done anything wrong. Now I could see if I was like the average teen who rebelled without a cause or became a drug addict but tha's never even came to my mind. It's not fair, all that I desire is happiness but I just can't find it.

Even my school teachers are disapointed in my and that makes me feel bad. I can't understand why they would turn angry against me becuae all that I ever did was be myself by being kind-heartd(maybe too kind). I feel having a good heart has gotten me nowhere and I regret that to this very day. Maybe I should have been bad like everyone else...at least it would have spared me this grief.

I feel like my good heart is literrally being ripped from me and darkness is growing there instead. My sadness is turning into anger.
I guess I will take comfort in knowing that my mother won't live forever(who does anyway?). It's a disgrace that I even came from her filthy and vile womb. I need help because you know that something is wrong when you are literally counting down the days to your parent's death. Is this hate or just another one of those teenager things?

How can I vent my anger?

Until you turn 18...

I think you should go see a school counselor or something similar. Those might be people you can talk to and who would be objective and certainly help you with matters.

Yeah see someone.
Your mother may sound nasty but im sure she loves
you. Killing yourself isnt the answer when you turn
16 you can legally leave home & when your 18 a whole
new list of oppertunitys are there for the taking