This is the 5th time in a month I've broken down crying in depression in the past month. I keep hitting bottoms telling myself that after you hit bottom there is no where to go but up but this is just not case every time I go up I only come down father and harder.
If I had to start from the beginning I guess my problems started back in elementary school. My parents owned a business that they put all their money into, and to put a long story short our own family and employ's stabbed us in the back and we lost everything and ended up going bankrupt. My parents found an alternative business breeding dogs and eventually it ended up running our lives. At around the beginning of 7th grade I had to drop out of public school and end up getting home schooled because we were on the road 300+ days out of the year.
Along our travels I found a person to look up to he seemed like a good guy so I trusted him (he was in his 50's). Things started off good but eventually started to get weird. The guy began asking me to kiss him because his son (which ended up committing suicide) used to do it and it would remind him how happy he was. I figured that it was OK if that's what it reminded him of. Eventually things got a lot weirder and I ended up getting molested for 6 months before I could tell anybody what was happening. My parents ended up filing police reports and eventually telling me the guy was dead because he was gunned down at his house.
Even though everybody was telling me I did the right thing by coming forward about it I felt like I was the one who ended up causing his death. I ended up trying to commit suicide by the time 8th grade started but was unsuccessful because my stomach got pumped. I transferred back into public school during the 2nd semester of 8th grade. I didn't have a lot of friends but I actively attended a Christan youth group where I ended up meeting people who were actively engaged in drug use. By end of 9th grade I was getting high every night but that passed by 10th grade when my dealer moved away. I took it as a sign and did not smoke anything the entire 10th grade. At eleventh grade I meant the girl of my dreams she was perfect in every way and i loved her for who she was. There was only one problem she had a boyfriend. When I was attempting to ask her out she told me this I felt crushed because she was leading me on and she admitted to it. I wanted nothing to do with her but she eventually convinced me to stay friends with her. I spent everyday with her and ended up falling in love again. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend and I decided to try and ease into a relationship. She decided to start seeing a good friend of mine and i felt back stabbed by both. She told me they really weren't dating and they were weren't doing anything but my friend later told me they were sleeping together.

At this point in my life I felt like a disgusting person. I've gotten compliment my whole life about my good looks and she seemed to enjoy me company so much. She ended up sleeping with a friend who never got girlfriends and in her words "really isn't that interesting of a person". He later decided that he was completely gay after he slept with the girl he knew I loved. She ended up graduating and it's been a year since we've hung out more than once every 3 months.

I feel like I can love no other girl or trust any other girl. I also feel really ugly inside and out and since she broke my heart I've been on and off of Weed. I've also been really thinking about suicide a lot. I'll go over killing myself at least 5 times a day. I just really don't know what to do. Is there anybody who can help me?

yo dog how old are you?
anyway depending on ur age i say u hit the teen clubs, or nightclubs. its a great place to meet new people, and have fun. i tell that to everyone and it always works. or maybe pick up a sport. or since ur in a youth christian group get involved with the church. i say you jus need to broaden ur horizons, and get out more, or sumthin. when trying something new u always meet someone new. who knows it could be a girl u might find urself liking. as for your past... i say u sit down one night, play ur favorite sad music (we all have our sad music) and let the emotions run through you. i do it when bad things happen to me, and it helps me get over them easier.

good luck man
peace

Be optimistic its all I can say Ive been abused and I know how you feel but, look on the bright side you could be worse.

Talk to a doctor. You can get meds for it. And if you have any kind of medical insurance, it should cover it. Or, if you're really that worried about it, check yourself into the psych ward at the hospital. Quite frankly, I don't think locking people up is a good way to treat depression, but that's just me.

And don't get all wrapped up in religion. The only thing that'll come out of that is you getting brainwashed, and then, if you ever come to your senses, you'll feel worse because you'll realise all you've believed in is fake. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard people say they've gone through that.

Also, I don't really believe anything you've said. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.You officially suck at giving depressed people advice. Seriously, just cut off your fingers now.

~Maggot

Luckily for me I didn't join and type out an entire summary of all the crap in my life just so you can believe me. And frankly I think woodz advice was better than yours. If I wanted to see a doctor I would have seen a doctor instead of joining a site that offered teens help. And who are you to spit on other peoples beliefs? Next time you try to offer advice it would help if you didn't shit all over the person you are trying to help.

*shrugs* I just said I didn't believe it. I've seen shit like that over and over and over again. So, yeah, I'm a little skeptical. If you wanna get all pissy about that, so be it, but I don't see anything wrong with not believing every word every person says. How silly, I know. LOL. Let's look at what's wrong with it, shall we?

Depressed people, especially those with history of making stupid decisions (which is all depressed people, really), shouldn't go to clubs. It leads to more problems than it helps anything, I assure you. And if you want an example of that, my ex started doing that after his dad died and got into shit he never should have. It's only done him harm, not good. There are plenty of other ways to meet people (which, in itself, is a good idea). This is decent, but people who are genuinely depressed find it hard to do that. They're usually too exhausted all the time, not to mention they can't find it in themselves to care.I already explained why that's bad. All it does is create a dependence which is potentially destructive later.Again, not good for depressed people. For an emotionally healthy person, sure, that's fine, and it'll probably work. But people that are having thoughts of suicide? ... Okay, seriously, do I really have to explain this one?
Then you're the problem, not your past.Hai, name's Laura, nice to meet you. I didn't. I gave you advice, despite saying I didn't believe it (which, again, isn't unreasonable). It's not my fault you're overreacting.

~Maggot

Does ending your life seem like the best thing to do? I have never personally felt so sick of living that I would even consider suicide, but I would still like to try and help.

That's great you tried joining a Christian group, but not so great about what they were doing. They obviously weren't true Christians either.

If you don't want to see a doctor or get medicine or anything, I believe the best thing to do is turn your life over to God. I don't know where you stand religiously, but I really believe that God will help turn your life around. If you have a Bible, turn to the New Testament and start reading and if you don't have a Bible, go to bible dot com and look around there. I've gone through rough times in my life where I'd cry and ask why this had happened to me, but I kept faith and prayed about my problems and God has helped me heal tremendously. No matter what has happened in your past or what problems you face right now, God loves you regardless. He always has and always will. People who hate God and talk about how stupid I am and how I'll find out soon that it's all a lie, but it's not. God is real, Jesus died and rose again, and He had stakes hammered through His hands and bled so that the Devil couldn't drag us down to Hell. I've loved God all my life and turned my life over to Christ in October of 2006 and I've been a strong believer ever since.

Most importantly, pray. Pray for healing, understanding, and guidance. Ask God to show you what His purpose was for putting you here on this earth and ask Him to surround you with His love. If you truly ask Him these things, He will answer. People may bash me and call me dumb for saying this, but from the bottom of my heart it's true. If God can control the entire universe, why wouldn't He be able to answer your prayers?

I will also be praying for you. I really hope you ask God for help during this time in your life. And I hope you decide that suicide isn't the way to go, but of course, it's up to you in the end. Give God a few days or a couple of weeks to work in your life and help turn things around, because He will if you really truly believe He will. Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions, I can look up some Bible verses if you want me to.

~Sara

I hope you're a troll. Seriously.

~Maggot

dog u got some issues no lie. jus cause u an ur atheist/emo friends had bad experiences goin to clubs an gettin involved in church doesnt mean that this guy will have the same issues.

if he is religious, or is trying to become more religous why would you stop him? religion is a great way to sort out your problems. and getting out more often to meet people is not a bad idea. its alot of fun and you can meet some pretty cool people, and in his case a new girl possibly.

last joining a sport isnt as tough as u make it out to be. it doesnt have to be any every day thing. going to the gym to play basketball once or twice a week is fine. playing flag football on week-ends. bowling with friends are all ways to have fun and again meet new people.

soooo yea

I'm not going to stop him. But it doesn't just make problems magically disappear, like people like to think it does. As I just said, it creates a dependence.Dude. Learn to read.Again, you apparently either didn't read or didn't comprehend what I said. Depressed people are usually exhausted 24/7 - far too tired to participate in sports. And when one feels like shit, it's hard to bring oneself to go out and play a sport. You're looking at this from the perspective of a normal person, completely and utterly out of context of the current situation.

~Maggot

Will you all just shut the f*ck up!

This guy is asking for help and all you guys can do is contend on who gives the better advice?

heres some advice for you, shut the hell up and focus on the bloody issue at hand.

Now...OT.

Love is painful.
Life hurts.

These are facts. They are facts people these days shouldn't have to live with or learn...but some of us...like yourself...they learn these facts the hard way. And the weight of them threatens to crush us.

I am not christian. But I respect religion. I wont tell you to go to a doctor or turn to god or any shit like that...I'll tell you to turn to yourself.

Your hung up over a girl that was nothing. She played you time and time again...look at yourself. Look what its done to you. Is she worth all this? Is she the kind of girl that should affect you this deeply? No.

Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see staring back?

A boy lost in darkness due to a girl that was not even worth his time...let alone his heart.

Everyone feels they will never love again. I cant count the amount of time such a feeling has overcome me from heartbreak. Yet you will. It will surprise you and you will probably hate yourself, and think that it should have taken longer for you to get over it and stuff...but you will love again.

I wont give you the crap ass remark of theres plenty more fish in the sea...there isn't. Theres 1.

Maybe 2.

Maybe 3.

Maybe hundreds but certainly hard to find. And they will be hard to see.

But their there. People like you who you can relate to. You will find someone. I know it.

By reading your post In see you have a kind soul, albeit tortured and guilt ridden...but still kind.

You have a lot to offer the world. Dont throw your life away over that kind of girl.

She's not worth it.

And you are are worth so much more.

1) I'm not saying I give good advice. Hell, generally, I know I don't. I usually just laugh at and insult people.
2) I was giving the OT help by explaining why that person's advice was bad, and why it would most likely lead him to things he didn't want to get involved with. Am I being more helpful by letting him follow that kind of advice without speaking up? If someone said as a home remedy for the flu to lick a battery, wouldn't you tell them it's probably not a good idea?
3) Again, I was focusing on the issue. It's not my fault if you can't see that.

~Maggot

I'm sorry, I missed the part where I stated that my post was directed at you, hmm...I'm pretty sure I said all. yes. I do believe I did.

you were in the right for correcting that persons posts, but I currently dont care who was wrong or right or who started what where and fuckadoodle.

what I care about is that the thread was turning into nothing more than a spamming fest of people hating others posts and barly anyone was actually helping the guy.

so. thank you for correcting that guys posts. but lests stay OT now.

Except there was only one discussion about the lack of quality of advice given, and guess what? I was in it. Unless there's some make-believe conversation that I missed, it's obvious that post was at least partially directed at me.
We already gave our help. You want us to just repeat what we already said?

~Maggot