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Old 10-04-2012, 11:35 AM   #1
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Unhappy Is it time to let go?

I feel so betrayed by my best friend. To put it simply, I'll be italic and she'll be bold.

I just wanted to talk to you because I've been feeling really irritated lately
About what?
What do you think about Adam? (my boyfriend)
Adam? I think he's a great guy! No problem with him at all! You guys are so cute together. Why do you ask?
Why am I getting people telling me you think his an asshole, you can't stand him and you hate anything to do with him?
Um. Yeah. Well. April it's not just me who thinks this. Everyone's been asking me why Adam's treating me so badly you don't even notice.
So you lied to me? And you told all my friends?
Yeah...and they agree with me. They're all coming up to me asking why he's such a **** to me. I know it's hard for you to hear this I'm sorry.
Interesting. Who? Because the only people who have ever SEEN or SPOKEN to Adam are Rachael and Josh and they're the ones asking me what your problem is?
Trust me. Everyone else agrees.
How does that even make sense -
April you're so naive about your own boyfriend and I didn't want to hurt your feelings
Alright, I'm listening. Why do you hate him?
He's just so rude to me.
Okay, what's he said?
And disrespectful when you're not there. You don't know
Alright Emily just tell me what he's done or said to you that's disrespectful and I'll talk to him about it
He's just so rude
Yes...can you give me an example?
You just don't know April!
....Just answer my question?
I don't need to give you proof, April I'm your best friend!
What's so hard? How do you expect me to believe what you're saying when you can't recount to me one rude bloody instance you've had with him?
Wow, I just told you his rude and you don't care at all!
I'm willing to help you if you just give me some proof it's so simple, Emily. Are you lying to me? Do you not hate him at all?
You know what I'm over this I have the right to hate your boyfriend and you've gotta accept it I've done nothing wrong okay I'm allowed to express how I feel about your boyfriend to anyone I want so what's your problem!
No. You do NOT have the right to pretend like everything's peachy to our faces and then round up all our friends and stab us in the back. Especially if you have no reason to hate him. I'll try one more time and I promise I'll help you if you let me. What has Adam done to make you feel this way?
Oh my god I'M SO OVER THIS! STOP CHOOSING HIS SIDE I DON'T NEED TO GIVE YOU PROOF I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND I HAVE KNOWN YOU LONGER WHY ARE YOU STICKING UP FOR HIM THAT'S JUST PATHETIC!
Is it true you said I'm attached to him and can't go anywhere on my own?
I'm so over this
Are you jealous I have a boyfriend, Emily?
No, I'm not jealous don't flatter yourself, April! But you spend all your time with him and we don't hang out anymore.
Really? I see Adam, on average, two times a week. I have never cancelled plans with you to see him. I always ask you to go out, but you're always busy - so don't say I don't make an effort. I hardly ever talk about him with you because I feel uncomfortable after hearing everything I've heard you say but I always dismissed it. I can't shrug this off anymore. Tell me the truth, Emily. What's wrong?
I don't want to talk about this anymore, I'm over it.
Fine. My door will be open -
I'm over it
But it won't be for long.

What am I supposed to do? Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. Is it really 'unbestfriend-like' to question what she's telling me? I mean without proof, what am I supposed to think? Her inability to give me proof makes me certain my boyfriend has done nothing wrong to her and she's got another motive.

Problem is, she won't admit any of this. She just keeps lying to me. Every time I, I guess you could say, 'upstage' a point she makes she just keeps bringing back the same invalid argument of "I don't need to apologize for hating your boyfriend I've done nothing wrong" when I clearly want her to apologize for being so two-faced.

Ah, I'm sorry if this makes no sense. But someone, please help me! I can't just put it behind me and pretend everything's okay.
I don't want to her say sorry, I want her to BE sorry.
Is that too much to ask?
Or should I just let go of her? Easier said than done
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Old 10-04-2012, 03:28 PM   #2
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Re: Is it time to let go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dishingdetergent View Post
I feel so betrayed by my best friend. To put it simply, I'll be italic and she'll be bold.

I just wanted to talk to you because I've been feeling really irritated lately
About what?
What do you think about Adam? (my boyfriend)
Adam? I think he's a great guy! No problem with him at all! You guys are so cute together. Why do you ask?
Why am I getting people telling me you think his an asshole, you can't stand him and you hate anything to do with him?
Um. Yeah. Well. April it's not just me who thinks this. Everyone's been asking me why Adam's treating me so badly you don't even notice.
So you lied to me? And you told all my friends?
Yeah...and they agree with me. They're all coming up to me asking why he's such a **** to me. I know it's hard for you to hear this I'm sorry.
Interesting. Who? Because the only people who have ever SEEN or SPOKEN to Adam are Rachael and Josh and they're the ones asking me what your problem is?
Trust me. Everyone else agrees.
How does that even make sense -
April you're so naive about your own boyfriend and I didn't want to hurt your feelings
Alright, I'm listening. Why do you hate him?
He's just so rude to me.
Okay, what's he said?
And disrespectful when you're not there. You don't know
Alright Emily just tell me what he's done or said to you that's disrespectful and I'll talk to him about it
He's just so rude
Yes...can you give me an example?
You just don't know April!
....Just answer my question?
I don't need to give you proof, April I'm your best friend!
What's so hard? How do you expect me to believe what you're saying when you can't recount to me one rude bloody instance you've had with him?
Wow, I just told you his rude and you don't care at all!
I'm willing to help you if you just give me some proof it's so simple, Emily. Are you lying to me? Do you not hate him at all?
You know what I'm over this I have the right to hate your boyfriend and you've gotta accept it I've done nothing wrong okay I'm allowed to express how I feel about your boyfriend to anyone I want so what's your problem!
No. You do NOT have the right to pretend like everything's peachy to our faces and then round up all our friends and stab us in the back. Especially if you have no reason to hate him. I'll try one more time and I promise I'll help you if you let me. What has Adam done to make you feel this way?
Oh my god I'M SO OVER THIS! STOP CHOOSING HIS SIDE I DON'T NEED TO GIVE YOU PROOF I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND I HAVE KNOWN YOU LONGER WHY ARE YOU STICKING UP FOR HIM THAT'S JUST PATHETIC!
Is it true you said I'm attached to him and can't go anywhere on my own?
I'm so over this
Are you jealous I have a boyfriend, Emily?
No, I'm not jealous don't flatter yourself, April! But you spend all your time with him and we don't hang out anymore.
Really? I see Adam, on average, two times a week. I have never cancelled plans with you to see him. I always ask you to go out, but you're always busy - so don't say I don't make an effort. I hardly ever talk about him with you because I feel uncomfortable after hearing everything I've heard you say but I always dismissed it. I can't shrug this off anymore. Tell me the truth, Emily. What's wrong?
I don't want to talk about this anymore, I'm over it.
Fine. My door will be open -
I'm over it
But it won't be for long.

What am I supposed to do? Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. Is it really 'unbestfriend-like' to question what she's telling me? I mean without proof, what am I supposed to think? Her inability to give me proof makes me certain my boyfriend has done nothing wrong to her and she's got another motive.

Problem is, she won't admit any of this. She just keeps lying to me. Every time I, I guess you could say, 'upstage' a point she makes she just keeps bringing back the same invalid argument of "I don't need to apologize for hating your boyfriend I've done nothing wrong" when I clearly want her to apologize for being so two-faced.

Ah, I'm sorry if this makes no sense. But someone, please help me! I can't just put it behind me and pretend everything's okay.
I don't want to her say sorry, I want her to BE sorry.
Is that too much to ask?
Or should I just let go of her? Easier said than done
Well, first of all, you can't force someone else to think as you do, nor can you make them feel sorry for something YOU believe they should feel sorry for. Unless you feel that something is going on between her and your boyfriend, you shouldn't let it affect you so much.

I've had one of my oldest friends hate every single guy I went out with. The hatred was irrational to say the least, but it was mainly because 1. she didn't feel he was good enough for me lol (which is what friends will feel with just about any guy you go out with), 2. sometimes she just point-blank didn't like him (and really, this fact doesn't matter as much as you think. It's you who's going out with him, not her. She doesn't have to like him.) and 3. she wanted not just more of my attention, but ALL of it.

Yes, that last bit can happen, and people are especially prone to it when they're single. It's just something I've recognized over the years. It's not that she's jealous you have a boyfriend, per se, more that she just wants that kind of connection with another person. She sees you as offering that connection, however. And so another thing I've noticed is that when most people establish strong links of friendship with another person, it tends to promote the feeling of "possessiveness" within that individual. Like she doesn't want to "share" you, lol, lest you forget about her. It's irrational, of course, but humans are irrational .

But if you look deeper, sometimes you can find the root cause of this fear of abandonment. In the case of my friend, it was childhood programming. Perhaps she was lonely growing up, or never got enough love or attention from one or both of her parents. This is what happened to my friend, so it was easy to see why she felt so paranoid that I would abandon her.

It's really just something she has to work through. She has to realize you have your own life and your own experiences to go through with other people besides her. You can send her healing thoughts, but there's nothing much that you can do. It's up to her.

If she can't let it go and work through the situation maturely, then it will probably be best for you to move on. You can't let other people's emotions keep you from living your own life.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:49 AM   #3
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Re: Is it time to let go?

sorta seems like you should let her go also seems like she's being bitchy in a way too..
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Old 10-23-2012, 12:51 PM   #4
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Re: Is it time to let go?

Maybe tell her what he has said to you? Because she will just think you're lying. Straighten things out with her. Give it time. I have no idea what to say, just be honest with her.
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:56 PM   #5
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Re: Is it time to let go?

My friends used to tell me my ex was horrible and I wasn't seeing it and everything and he ended up cheating on me. I chose him over my friends. I learnt never to choose a lover over friends. Maybe you should just listen to her. Speak to your boyfriend about it and maybe he can see where your friend is coming from? Though it's silly that she can't give you an example and she basically lied to you in the beginning. I think you could distance yourself from her. You shouldn't really argue over a guy though.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:36 PM   #6
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Re: Is it time to let go?

She wouldn't give an example though.. She says shit but not once would give a reason or example. Just kept saying he's rude or something and that she hates him..

Then starts insulting April. Idk, doesn't seem like a good friend but I don't know your history.
Ask the other people if he's done anything or if its just your friend that's saying shit.
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