A friend. *But of advice please*

Kat · 11-26-2007, 12:46 AM

The first thing most of you will probably say is "stay away". Before you say this please try to see the other side to this situation.

I met a male at my college a couple of months back. We just became friendly then it seemed to lead upto a great friendship. (I love to be sociable with everyone anyway) but it was just coincidental that we became actual friends.
Over the past month there has been a lot of trouble with several students (including myself), where people have been spreading a lot of shit and actually becoming quite personal (Because i like to hang around with another guy and this new friend doesnt like it). So i fathemed out what was going on. It seemed obvious that this new friend of mine didnt like me hanging with this other guy (because he has feelings for me as in love). So i tried to involve this guy (gareth) because i didnt want him to feel left out and jealous. Eventually it came out that gareth was part of the situation and i was quite sure he was one of the people spreading the stuff around. Anyway, things began to cool down eventually up until a couple of weeks ago when Gareth began to freak us all in the college coridoors. He is very obsessive over me (we trid keeping away from him because it got a bit over the top) but then what happened was massive arguments inside the college because he couldnt get his own way. Problem is he is coming near us and trying to scare the crap out of us. We werent going near him a couple of weeks ago because it would have made the whole situation worse. Instead, he was coming over to us. What really began to concern me was how he was behaving. Dont like to say it but he's mentally going over the top with his behavior. He comes screaming/shouting down the coridoor (which the whole building would easily be able to hear) then he literally tries grabbing one of us as he cannot control his temper when he gets annoyed. Nothing happened THANK GOD but something could happen. Someone nearly went over the railings (which actually was me) inside one of the coridoors because onetime he came running down the coridoor, scared the crap out of me and i quickly moved out the way in shock.
The staff are aware of whats been going on, but my only concern is what will he do next time!? I dont want to be in college and put at harm like this. One of my friends knew him at school and his mother said gareth actually put someone in hospital once. Im just worried this will happen to me or one of my friends.

I know this seems bad, but i am trying to be more understanding towards him.
I understand he has problems and i also know they're overboard, but i dont know what to do for the best here because i do believe he is a really nice guy inside, just with a lot of problems. What do you lot think?
when i stay away from him he seems to become more obsessed and then flies over the handle. Im worried that if i try and be friends with him he is just going to start dragging the whole situation up again, what happened a couple of weeks ago.
But then i feel maybe i could help him.
I just dont know. I dont think he likes how he is and i understand this, but i dont want to be put at risk of getting harmed.
Help!

killy750 · 11-26-2007, 12:50 AM

i dont think u should stay away, i think u should try to face it, with him his parentss and other person, try it to be with him an his parentss all the same time, soo it would be eeasier and secure, u need to face it because if u dont it wont ever stop

Nicole91 · 11-26-2007, 01:05 AM

so is this guy like mentally ill? should he be getting psychiatric help? i don't think you should stay away as that will make him even more obsessed and like he is now, i'd spend a bit of time with him and try let him down gently if he insinuates he wants a relationship

Kat · 11-26-2007, 01:25 AM

I am not sure.
I think he should get help YES!
I am trying to sit and talk to him about it, even with the mentor at college. He wants to discuss everything agan with the mentor but its bought up every week and im sure the mentor is getting fed up of the same discussion over and over again.
This is why i can tell hes obsessed
And i doubt she understands whats going on here either anymore.
Shes heard the whole story many times, but i dont think its becoming clear what the problem is, so she probably doesnt get it.

Silent Protagonist · 11-26-2007, 04:33 AM

I think you should refer him to people for help and try to keep your distance and maybe he'll get obsessed with someone else. Wanting to help him is very admirable but I am sure you are busy with college and other stuff and it sounds like helping him would take too much of you time and effort. good luck

indifferentx5590 · 11-26-2007, 07:17 AM

well, i think you have a few options here.

1. if you do not want to help him and do not care, then, obviously, stay away.
2. if you do not want to be around him anymore, but want to help him, confidentially talk to a counselor.
3. if you want to be around him, and want to help him, talk to a counselor and see what they have to say about the situation. they may think he needs professional help....which is very possible.

sometimes things like that are symptoms of personality disorders. i know someone with 8 different disorders. she's a fucking loonatic. drinks, violent, smokes, drugs....the whole package. (plus she has 5 kids, 3 of which are foster children in my household.)

x.VampireSaliva · 11-26-2007, 08:02 AM

You need to tell a Councillor or the staff about this again, tell them you are scared he's going to end up really hurting someone and steer clear of him as much as you can because unless you don't care about your own safety it's best for you to stay away from him because his psychotic behavior is dangerous you don't need to put up with it.

pinkdove · 11-26-2007, 08:04 AM

What Vamp said.

Kat · 11-30-2007, 01:49 AM

I agree with you all here, i really do.

But the problem is, the situation continues and continues which really does annoy me. It has been going on for weeks now, it all started with a slightly different story then got towards physical behavior a couple of weeks ago. the staff are stressed about it as much as we ourselves are.
My points here are;

I have tried befriending/understanding his problems. I understand he has physical problems and they must be horrible for him. However what he is doing isnt on at all. The friendship didnt work. Infact we argued all the time and as i said he would physically go over the top in the college coridoors because thats how bad he gets. SO obviously that didnt work.

Now, i have had to sign an agreement form to stay away from him because of all this trouble. I have signed it. BUT he is refusing to sign! Why?! Because his obsession obviously shows he cannot keep away from me.

He is still continously bothering me, he wont leave me alone! I have two friends at my college that he tends to talk to, i have to be careful over mixing with them now because if im seen by my mentor anywhere near gareth IM IN TROUBLE¬

My dad says he will just get the police involved if this continues because its affecting my colleging and its getting over the top now.

He said he is scared about his behavior and scared he will do stupid things.
He has also said hes scared me and this guy will get hurt. By who?! His obsession is getting him towards being physical because he cannot handle himslf. Again this concerns me because hes now worried he will hurt one of us and like i said he has hurt someone in the past.

So what do i do?

He shouldnt be in the college at all and im going to go to the head teacher until he stops all this, if he does.

I have blocked him off my phone numerous times but he is still managing to get through. I changed my sim twice already. I dont know how he got my new number :S

xxXRawrHelloKittyxxX · 11-30-2007, 05:59 AM

I wouldn't stay away. Because if something does happen, you will feel bad because you knew how he was acting and such. It's not your place to get him help but encourage him to get help.

Kat · 12-01-2007, 01:33 AM

But its becoming my problem here because i cannot do this. I have had to sign an agreement form to say i will stay away from him because the mentor said it was becoming dangerous us being friends due to how the argument gets.