I want to talk to my parents about an issue that i KNOW would make them angry, but I don't know how to do it. I am 17, and my stepdad had been known to lose his temper. I don't want to be kicked out of my house.

To clarify what I am talking about, and to give a perspective, i'll describe my scenerio to you

It started when my parents told me that they "haven't seen me in 8 months"

During the summer, I worked a job from 6-4, sometimes 5, Monday thru saturday. At that time, i didnt go to church or anything like that. Just worked and came home. When School started in August, I joined the academic teams (science and Scholars Bowl) and started to go to church. So, I had my monday nights (6:30-8:00) wednesday nights (7:00-8:00) and thursdays (4:00-5:30) taken up during the week, and of course church on sundays. I had to stop working, because of school. In october, my boss asked if I wanted to go on a backpacking trip with him and the son of the man who we built the house for. (My boss is like... my best friend here. Nothing creepy or anything like that.) There was no definate date, but he said it would be as soon as they got finished in the house. There wasn't that much to do. I told my parents that, and they said that was fine, and could go if i ahd all my chores done, and stuff like that.

Its december now, and things are very nearly done in the house. Almost ready for them to move in. Things have gotten a little... bumpy... with me and my parents. They dont like me being gone for what they say is "all the time" They say that I am being lazy, and am losing sight of where my priorities should be.
(The priorities part came from when I went to church, when my stepdad was putting up christmas lights, and when my sister and her 2 kids came over to put up the christmas tree. I didn't know any of these things were happening. No one told me anything. I was pulling out of the driveway, when I saw my stepdad on the roof, starting to put little clips for the lights on the roof. When I got home, i got chewed out because he said I should have came back and helped him instead of going to church.)

They now aren't letting me do much of anything. They get mad when I have to do things after school, and make a huge deal of it. Like... today. I had a dr. appointment. Afterwards, i told them I had to pick up a couple things for my costume for the church christmas play. I got what i needed from walmart, and had to go to my boss's house to get a pair of black boots. (Our church christmas play's are comedies with a message)
I called my mom to tell her I was leaving walmart, swinging by there and getting the boots, and coming straight home. She made a big deal out of it saying that I could do it tomorrow (its not even 5:00 at this time) and that I was going to miss dinner... and how it was out of my way. (Which it wasn't, i would to have to travel an extra 5 miles total. Nothing big.)

I called him up, and told him I would pick them up tomorrow, and he said that was alright. So i went straight home. When i got there, I expected dinner to at least be cooking, since I would have been 10 minutes late getting home, and have missed it. But there was nothing taken out. Nothing cooked. Just nothing. it was an hour before anything was cooked. That made me really angry, because she made me fee guilty saying I was going to miss dinner, and she basically LIED to me.

Well, my mom was talking to my aunt after we did finally eat. They planned the Christmas get together, which consisted of eating cookies, drinking coffee, and downing "Alabama Slammers" which is an alcoholic drink. They did this knowing that I was going to go backpacking really soon. I cannot to have anyone drink any kind of alcohol around me. My First stepdad was a drunk, and i just HATE it. They both know this.

They gave me the guilt trip again when I asked if I could miss it if my backpacking trip was that weekend. I mean, its not like they are going to do anything but talk anyway. I don't see why its a big deal if I miss it. Plus, I ahve been planning this trip for 3 months now, and they knew about it and told me i could go. Yet, they plan something right when its about to happen, then expect me to go with it.

I want to talk to them about it., but as I said, I know my stepdad will get angry, and there is the possibility of them kicking me out. I am the kind of person that tries to please EVERYONE all the time. I hate conflict, and avoid it if at all possible. Should I start living my life for ME, instead of everyone else? i dont know what to do.... please help!

I think it is ridiculous that they are angry over you being involved academic teams and church. If anything, they should be proud. The nicest way I can seem to put it right now, is they're simply blind idiots. They should LIKE that you dislike alcohol and even being around it.

I wouldn't talk to him. He sounds like he won't listen. Instead, I'd carefully think and write out your argument. Put time and effort into it. It could be a bulleted list of why they are being stupid(well, not in those exact words ), and then paragraphs to explain further. Usually making a person sit down and read something MAKES them have to at least somewhat comprehend your side of it because you will not be there for them to simply slam down, insult, and argue against. Also, in this way you are not likely to sound irrational in a loud argument of who's right or wrong, but instead able to present your side and the explanation of why you feel that way.

__________________
The Voice of Reason

"In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love." - Augustine.

If what Tessa suggest doesn't work, I would recommend going to your school counselor. Tell the counselor what is going on at home, and how they are treating you. He may have professional advice, on top of that he/she may schedule a meeting with your parents so that you can cover the subject together professionally.

Your step father sounds like he wants you to be chained in the yard. I had a problem similar to this but not as extreme. My parents wanted me to get involved at school and to get a job. All I did was sit on the computer for hours at a time. So what did I do? I joined like three clubs, and got a job, and I joined the swim team. Then they would bitch at me because I was never home, when they were telling me to get involved. I would just seek help from the Counselor.

I can relate- I'm in almost every community organization in my town from the church, teaching religion, the youth group to the schools interact club, student council officer, mock trial lawyer, french club, pit orchestra...etc. My mom is alright with a lot of what I do because i live really close to the school where I spend half my life at, practically, but my aunt thinks that unless i'm going to get 'scholarship money for college' from them, that i'm just wasting my time and everyone elses time. You just need to please them once in a while and do special things for them by putting some time aside, extra stuff around the house and helping out with dinner so when you do need to run a quick errand now they arent as hostile. good luck.