Hey guys I'm pretty new at this, but I have this pretty long story and I'd really love your guys' opinions.

So basically all through my childhood, my dad used to hit us kids and really scare us. Not just spankings. One time I got this new scarf, and he didnt approve of it so he literally pulled it off of me while it was wrapped around my neck. Then another time, I'm pretty sure he was drunk, he came upstairs to my sister's room and was yelling at her and he threw her printer and kicked her computer over. then he hit her accross the face, and i was watching the whole thing from my room. I was so afraid that night that he was going to come into my room and do the same. A couple of weeks later he got into a fight with my mom and he was cursing at her and she kept coming into my room hysterically crying. I thought he was going to hit her! Also...i'm not really sure if its abuse or not...but i dont hug or kiss my family members becuase of this i think. my dad used to put me to bed every night and literally lie on top of me (beingvery little at the time) and try to kiss me. I would scream and squirm. I havent told anyone this really because I'm embarassed. I dont want this to be exaggerated because its not like he raped me. Just traumatized me. This was a couple of years ago, but I will never forget it. Nowadays, my parents are divorced. My dad requested 50% custody, but clearly that wasnt going to happen.

Originally I had to go to his house every other weekend, but he blew it. He lived literally 5 minutes away from my mom, and whenever i forgot like shoes or something, he refused to go home to get them. He wouldnt even let me talk to my mom a lot of the time. I would sit in the closet to talk to her.

Now the courts force me to go to therapy for an hour every other week. My brother and sister see him. My sister only visits, and my brothers sleeps at his house every other weekend (and visits). I however cant get over it. No matter how many parenting classes he has had, I'm scarred. I cant stand the sight of him. The mediator (therapist) thinks i'm ridiculous not to go out to dinner alone with my dad. And stupid that i wont let him pick me up in his car to go to therapy. Is it? Am I being ridiculous, wasting my mom's money? No one agrees with me. Except for my mom who hates him too. But she just cares about her spending the money on therapy. Like i said...she is crazy.

Thanks for reading

Wow....this is sad.
I say move out.

your "therapist" is fucking awful for starters. If you never want to see him again it's up to you, dont let anyone else bully you into seeing him.

No therapist is supposed to call you ridiculous. Ever. It's not their job to do that. It's their job to listen to you and help you. Not call you ridiculous. I suggest not going to see him and just trying to bare with what you can for as long as you can before you can just go out on your own.

i kinda know what you mean. Once i couldn't even bring myslef to look at my dad for a couple of weeks i'd just feel hatred when i did because he physically hurt my sister and almost raised his hand to me i just can't forgive him for that, no matter how many presents he buys me or how many nice holidays he takes me on. Depending on your age you shoulkd be able to decide what you want to do with your life, if one weekend you don't want to go see your dad that should be fine if the other you do then great, but it's up to you, don't let others push you into seeing someone you don't want to.

nicole thats exactly how i feel
he tries to buy me things. and for hannukah, he donated money to a charity in my name. I dont want anything from him and i wont take bribes.
and i tell her she isnt supposed to say i'm ridiculous! they just dont understand why i'm still mad at him after 2 years. meh.

Tell your therapist that theyre supposed to understand you, not criticize you. And if he just doesnt get it, get a new therapist. Some therapists really are great and could help you feel better, but you clearly dont have one of those therapists

i used to be just like you, my dad used to absuse me but not my sister cause he loved my sister, only he doesnt admit he did it and just makes out like im stupid and making it up (which im not) i used to be just like you, scared to be in the same room as him, i used to walk home from school so he didnt have to pick me up. but then my parents split and i thought omg thats awesome, but he really changed and now i live with him. i mean he still gets violent sometimes but he neer hits me cause he knows i will hit him back. so im not saying go and live with him, but dont rule him out of ur life completely, i mean he is your dad. but i can understand if u r scared u shouldnt push urself. but if you are seeing a therapist talk to them about it, i mean its their job to listen, just tell them how you feel and let them help u through it, you might as well make the most of the sesions.

meh. therapy isnt a choice. I dont get to choose my therapist. the courts appoint her.
It just stinks because like my dad can legally make decisions about where i go to school and such. For example, I want to go to college next year instead of junior year. i cant do that without his permission. And he has already said no.

Let's see..
Abuse is seriously disguisting IMO. I realize your father didn't rape you when he sat on you, but that's more of a torture as a little kid. Being taken advantage of because of your size, so he decides to make you feel like you can't breath. I'm pretty sure I know what you're trying to say there. It's perfectly natural to be afraid of you're dad, especially from all the bad memories you have from him. There hasn't been many good memories as well, so it's only natural you don't want to spend time with him. What would be the outcome? More abuse. So just stay strong, maybe you and your dad can figure something out and if you don't want to see you 'ridiculous' therapist, you should tell your mom. You could see another one or stop going, just make sure your feelings are getting out there, so confide in a close friend instead...
-GK

well i think that that is abuse and its wrong and you shouldn't have to live life that way.


~tiffany~

You shouldn't be forced to see your Dad if you don't want to. If he really wanted to be in your life, he should have thought about that before he abused you.

Hey.

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to u too!! I can totally relate to ur story, My parents got divorced when I was 9 days old, I never wanted anything to do with my dad cause when I used to visit him he always left me & my half brother outside a bar till 3am with nothing to eat or drink.. A few years ago my mom met my step dad, He and I have NEVER gotten along!! Now they're married.. My stepdad has HUGE problems, He is verbally & emotionally abusive all the time! He hit me once for no reason at all, and he's always pushing us around and throwing and breaking things! I hate being at home cause I always hide in my room cause I'm constanly afraid of him! He has also touched me unappropriately which bothers me till today.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, just know that ur not alone.. Personally I think it's better 4 u not to see ur dad and just try to move on(if that's even possible). and 4 the therapy thing, if u can get out of it u should cause I don't know about u but I'm so uncomfortable with talking about my feelings to a stranger who I don't trust... If u have any close friends u should rather talk to them..

Hope I could've been of some help!! My thoughts are with u!!

Wanda

OMG horteccla and wanda both of your stories are so sad. I had a friend like that. Basically same as wanda. Her sepdad moved in when she was 14 an she never got on with him or her real dad. Now what she did i'm not suggesting you do but basically she put herself into care. She says although it's scary it's better than living at home, he mums even gone way nicer than she was, she's even considering moving out. I know you feel trapped but believe me there are choices they may not seem appealing but you have them. Perhaps you can move in with an aunt or grandparents. I don't really know what else to advice.