Told Mom I hated Her

xx stars · 03-17-2008, 02:05 AM

I told my mom I hated her today, after screaming twice and telling her to get out. It was a totally inappropriate reaction to a little bit of rudeness towards me. Afterwards she started crying, said she was going to leave (not for good, just for a bit to calm down). I came down stairs and told her how sorry I was -- that I just use words everywhere and don't think about what they mean. It wasn't the first time I told her I hated her, perhaps the second or third.

She said she was in a loveless marriage for a daughter who just says hurtful things. I'm a pretty good kid -- it's just my temper that gets out of control. I get to a point where I'm not thinking rationally and fail to step back and look at why on earth I'm so upset. I just take it out on people. It only takes me moments after to figure out what an idiot I am.

My parents yelled at each other a bit, and I caused it, as per usual. My mother says that this isn't true at all, and I keep telling her how sorry I am but I can't fix it. She's probably still crying... I apologized profusely and have done everything I can to make amends but it has changed anything. I have such a terrible feeling. I don't know what's wrong with me that I say such terrible things. I really just needed to tell someone this, and the best way to do it is over the internet, since I'm so ashamed I'll be hanging my head for the next week.

We only have blowouts like this every now and then, but it's always there, lingering beneath the surface. My parents would be better off divorced, and I need some help of my own. I can't believe the person I am, I'm not sure why I go off like I do, if it's for want of attention or even reassurance or maybe just a buildup over a long period of time. I just needed to tell someone.

Hobone · 03-17-2008, 03:32 AM

Well, when you and your mom argue, saying you hate her is the last thing you should do. You can apologize to her, but if you still keep on doing it, the apology really doesn't mean anything. Talk to her about it.

stratosfear · 03-17-2008, 04:48 AM

That was an out-of-order thing to do but I think you realise that already; beating yourself up about it more is not going to help. Everyone says stupid stuff they don't mean when they're angry, maybe you need to think about what you say a little more.

Telling her you're sorry over and over again will lose meaning pretty quickly. Since she's going through a hard time already maybe you could try and make it up to her by helping out around the house, making her cups of tea etc. If you love her, tell her when things have calmed down a bit.

Silent.Deathwish_x · 03-17-2008, 05:00 AM

I understand you feel horrible about what you said, but beating yourself up over this and dwelling over how wrong it was and such isn't going to make matters any better.
Just give her awhile to cool down, and just let her calm down and wait awhile, then just tyr and talk to her and tell her you didn't mean that you hated her.
I told my dad a long while ago I hated him, but we've gotten over that and she will too. She will eventually come to realise you didn't mean it, but it'll take some time. Things like that can be very hurtful, so my suggestion to you from now on is to try and control your temper, and refrain from saying such stupid things. You know you can, so using your temper isn't an excuse. You can control your mouth if you want to.

onyxeyes · 03-17-2008, 07:01 AM

When I told my mom I hated her it was the most liberating thing that I've ever done, because I honestly do hate her. That happened in June, fortunately, we haven't spoken since. Not having my mother in my life is one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Maybe you could make your mom a card or buy her one and some flowers to show her that you really are sorry.

Kat · 03-17-2008, 07:45 AM

I actually dislike most my family, but i was closer to my mom. However there was times i said stuff harshly which i never meant, wheres with my other family i would mean it.
Now i regret it towards my mombecause she isnt here now.

7isUnlucky · 03-17-2008, 11:55 AM

Oh ouch bummer

Everyone in my family has a bad temper; that sort of thing happens with me and my mom or dad sometimes, except with my dad he yells at me and hits me, but with my mom she lets me go into my room.

Sn4ke · 03-17-2008, 03:22 PM

This was a common thing with teens, especially for me. I've been out of the teen stage for 2 years now and I still do it. Except, I actually mean what I say to them. I told my stepdad the f-word and he flipped out. What you need to do is just get away yourself before things get out of control.

adam_swann · 03-22-2008, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hobone

Well, when you and your mom argue, saying you hate her is the last thing you should do. You can apologize to her, but if you still keep on doing it, the apology really doesn't mean anything. Talk to her about it.

first thing you should do is go get is leather bound bibles with your names on them

god will forgive you if you belive in him

jesus ftw

The Boob Lady · 03-22-2008, 10:03 AM

THIS actually sounds a lot like me a few years ago.

my mother only stayed with my father for me and my sister, and it made her horrible to live with.
i don't mean that ... y'know. she's my mother and i love her, but she was constantly stressed, constantly angry and snapped at EVERY LITTLE THING.
i did, too, as did my sister.
infact we were ALL like it.

my mother left my father as soon as me and my sister were old enough to understand, and my god, life is SO much easier.
i was always a daddy's girl but ... my mother is my best friend in the whole world now.

when you're in certain situations ... something can be affecting you, and you may not even know WHAT it is, or WHY it's happening.

your parents' situation is probably affecting you and that is probably the reason why you get angry and snap.
it happens; people say things they don't mean.
i'm sure your mother understands that.

Angelwings411 · 03-22-2008, 10:06 AM

I have told my mom I hated her as well, but then I always apologize because I know I am in the wrong to say it. My temper gets out of hand as well-- we are teenagers, it's expected.

Dragoness · 03-22-2008, 04:17 PM

Hey theres no need to worry you will not be the first one eva to say that
trust me perants can be pretty annoying at times!

Sophia · 03-23-2008, 04:44 AM

Mostly life changing events that should affect us big time go over our heads, and little things grind our bones until we can't hold it in anymore. When you lose your temper, have you ever thought about how you feel? Obviously you are angry, but why are you angry, who are you focusing your anger on? Whats your drive for your temper?
It's understandable we all lose our rag. Tell your mom how you feel, tell her what you have just written on this forum. If she really is in a loveless marriage, then surely all you wish for her is to be happy? And if that's the case, tell her that.
Hope this helps.

theman123 · 08-27-2008, 11:55 PM

lol every teen has said some mean things to their parents in the heat of battle she will get over it

AccessDenied · 08-28-2008, 05:18 AM

You say you caused your parents to end up yelling at each other, but the root problem could well be them getting on each other’s t*ts because their marriage is going through a rough time. True, your ‘hate’ attitude is sometimes a trigger but never blame yourself, at least not entirely for the way adult people behave in front of their children. It is to their undoing that their arguments have boiled over to ultimately affect you.

You may well have, and this is entirely understandable, an anger problem. And the only way out to let off steam is to consciously hurt the person you are closest to. But you can get help to manage your anger. In fact, there are websites that give good practical advice on helping people to overcome anger problems.

You mentioned there is an undercurrent of bad feeling just below the surface between your mum and dad. You know, silence can be a weapon and used unfairly against the other person and this is unfair to you if your parents’ simmering anger is not being discussed democratically and without further argument, and you are the target to which another raging argument erupts.

I was wondering then if you could get your mum on your own and have a heart-to-heart? You say you have apologised to her and in the past, so I am only guessing you are closer to her than your father. I disbelieve you are unendingly mean; you can not express easily how you feel or, sense your mum isn’t listening to you neither appreciating you enough, and so arguments begin to snowball again until there’s no return and you get to say those hurtful words again. So perhaps you can find a time to be alone with your mum, and talk things over? And you know - (((hugs))) is very healing, as are tears when really, underneath all the anger and hate, lies someone whose heart is breaking and who wants to hear again those words, “I love you xxStars.”

Best,
Poppi