Me and this girl have labeled each other as bffs for quite some time now (it started around early last year), and we have always talked and hung out and stuff. Just casual friendly fun.

Recently, she got a boyfriend. I was never really fond of this kid because hes just..... a creeper.

But im getting ahead of myself. Nowadays instead of talking to her friends and having fun and stuff her time is eaten up by this guy. He is taking her away from all of us (not just me, all of our other friends) and now she doesnt talk to any of us that much. She has even called me by his name by accident. She ignores everyone but him at lunch.

Now on to the way he acts. Starting two years ago, hes been stalking her and shes never cared for him at all. He pulled the guilt trip recently and now they are together. Like I said, he is always demanding her attention and instead of coming off as a calm figure, he is always looming over her shoulder when any of her friends are around, like hes trying to be intimidating. There has been times where during school they didnt meet inbetween classes, and he had called her to make sure she was still in school. Also, (me and her are in the schools band, thats necessary to know for the next part) one night we had a concert, (she plays flute and i the drums) and when she went into one of the back rooms to tune her instrument, he was frantically walking in and out of the band room, probably some number like 18 times, looking for her. Finally our band director kicked him out of the room.

Also (this one was the biggie), look at this convo me and one of my friends had about him. The girl in question has a facebook, as does everyone else under the sun these days. Well, she jokingly wrote on one of her friends walls something like "hey (name), how are you, i love you!" (the "i love you" is obviously a casual friend joke), and he responds back "haha i love you too! ive been good etc etc". Look what happened. The convo is between me and a mutal friend of the girl and her boyfriend.

1:26:59) ***********: about (boyfriend)
(01:27:07) *******************: he just started talking to me on that facebook chat thing
(01:27:15) Me: and...?
(01:27:54) ***************:

(boyfriend):
hey (girl im having AIM convowith)! 6:52pm

(aim convo girl)
hi 6:52pm

(bf)
hey
do you know ********? 6:53pm

(aim girl)
no
what about him? 6:53pm

(bf)
okay then
wait
you say no and then what about him?
what aren
t
you telling me?




The girl showed me this and I became uneasy. She said that he was interrogating her about this other guy that he thought his gf was seeing.



I really don't know what to do. Noone else in our group likes him, and I really wanna speak up about it before it gets even more out of hand then it already has.

Im afraid that if i do speak up, ill lose my best friend and everything will be crap. If not....Im still afraid im gonna lose her to this creep.

Speak up. If she is unable to listen, is she a real friend? Don't let her become foolishly 'in love', but there is only so much you can do, she needs to be a big girl. =P

Speak up, if she ignores you, at least you can say you tried, trust me in the future she will appreciate it. =]

in cases like this men the first thing is that you need to think about every move that you gonna do, ok ? you need to think how you gonna say it, be sure about what you gonna say so you dont have to look like the dump guy in front of her, so if she ask something about what you talking, you can easly answer , show always the truth, give you opinion becouse you are a good friend of her. i say this becouse i cases like this if you are not sure about the source of information, you will be sooooo emberrased and you gonna loose her friendship for a while, so thats why i ask you to be very careful talking with her about the problem.

but let me tell you something so you can remember this in the future, if you have a friend (girl), and later she have a boyfriend she gonna spend more time with him the first 2 or 3 months of the relationship, couse this is the pretty-pink-lovely part of it, then the things change couse is not the same passion, and theeeeen she realize that she need space and start spending more time with the buddies, but is not like this need to happen always, but almost happen. try to use her shoose! would you spend 2 hours with your buddies and 30 minutes with your brand new girldfriend?, thats insane!

and men, im soo agree with you, i would be soo angry too, having a good friend and then she change our friendship for a boyfriend? i understand you, but if you are a good friend too you would have patience always, remember that.

It sounds to me like he is a really obsessive guy. A creep as you called him. We have a couple of guys like that at our school. First off, do you think he is actually dangerous in any way? This sounds like how a lot of abuse starts. First he wants to know where she is at all times, then he wants to know who she was with, etc. If she is with any other guy at all, regardless of how she feels about the guy, he probably gets jealous, right? If he is dangerous, he could start yelling at her, putting her down, all kinds of things. If you think he is potentially abusive (verbal, physical, etc.) then you need to keep an eye out for your friend for any signs of abuse.

If he is just a bit obsessive and harmless, let the relationship run it's inevitable course. He'll find someone else soon enough.

Well, I just got back from her birthday party, and I hate him even more now. He was obsessing over her, refused to get along with any of her friends (barely talked to us), and worst of all he tried to secretly ask her to go to the basement and play DDR with him(code obviously), and she was like "look, i dont want to" and he was all "why? please?"....like....i really wanna punch this kid out. Badly.

Speak up, if she values you as a friend, she'll listen.

Confront the lad, and lay down the law.

Have a word with the bird aswell when you know he aint around and tell her your concerns.

I cant take this anymore. I asked her to hang out next week, but from what i can tell every day shes hanging out with him, probably making out with him at their house or something because thats all he ever wants to do. I need to speak up, but I dont know what to say. Help?

You may or may not know this, but you have 'fallen' for your friend. You actually sound jealous. Maybe when you overcome those feelings, you will understand that it is her life, and she is doing what she wants to do. IMHO...

So...shes coming back from her Mission Trip tonight, and shes hanging out with her boyfriend all week before she goes to Arizona for her grandmothers funeral... should i talk to her about this when she gets back tonight/tomorrow? or should I wait until later?

I wouldn't talk to her about something like this before her grandmothers funeral. She'll already be upset, and she probably isn't going to want to deal with this. Give her some time to grieve for her grandmother, then talk to her.

good point...