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Old 03-25-2007, 08:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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my life is just fucked up
its always been fucked up ever since i was born all i heard was " your such a fuck up" fucking mistake" etc...

ok so i had like 'traumatic expiercnes' is wat the shrink said
w.e
so they thought i was bipolar but then decided against it cause i was very social and my mood swings didnt fit in something like that so they diagnosed me with RAD- reactive attachemnt disorder
i guess it happens when a baby like in the first 2 years of their life doesnt create a phsycial or emotional bond with their parent i didnt at all i was kinda neglected i duno
so rite now im currently working with my issues i was phsyucialy mentally abused by my dad, he died bec of alchoholisim and my mom is a durggie i dont know where she is nor do i give a fucking fuck
i was raped when i was 11 by my uncle that basically just took everything away from me i feel so hopeless or i did and i still do its like hard to explain wat u feel after dat


so i live with my two older bros and my older sister
my oldest brother caleb hes like old lol is an ER doctor and kinda isnt realli in my life that much he is always gone cause he works nite shifts etc and hes kinda a teddy bear lolol
and then theres joe hes like 24 and hes an elite police officer he like went to the army he graduated early from hs and now he volunteered to go to iraq
he is my gaurdian and he basically like i say he is mean but he just doesnt understand me im always in trouble with him idk i hate him like seriously if he dies in iraq i would not give a fucking fuck
and then thers lilly who is 18 i guess shes the cloest thing ever that i have had to having a mom ya no? shes always been there for me i look up to her more then anything..when she turend 18 she became my other legal guardian i ahte it i hate having to listen to a sister who is only 4 years older then u she thinks she nos wat is best she doesnt no fuck

sinc eim rad u could say i have behavior problems sometiems i just dont no when to stop
i went to juvy for stealing a car and then i kinda almost like killed 6 ppl bec the car ran into them i ddint even think itd be dangerous ya no?? anyways i spent three nites in juvy omg i almsot died
i started drinking when i was like 12...its like normal rite?
i dont no how to deal with my probs
my sister says that i need to go away so the temptation for alchohl wont b there caus she doesnt want me ending up like dad WTF IM NOT A FUCKING ALCHOHOLIC FUCKING MORON!
she made me go FROM FRESNO TO UTAH to where my aunt lives in order for me to go back i have to hav elike GREAT grades like all fucking A's and stop like getting into toruble
i try and no one even notcies
how can i fucking tell her to let me go back to fucking fresno i mean this is insane ive been in utah for a couple months i hate it i hate everything bout it i fucking stand life and i hate her i want to go back to fresno how can i go back??? please i need ideas i hate it here and eveyrone here hates me
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Old 03-25-2007, 03:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
what i will say may not be helpful to you at all, but i think that u should see a specialist, i mean a psycologist or sth like that... u say that u have had a difficult life, and u have become very agressive... its not ur fault of course, ur parents are the ones to blame, but in order to get over it and lead a normal life, u should see someone who could help u..
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
What butter said.
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Old 03-25-2007, 07:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
fuck seeing a specialist and all that. i think theres more of a chance that ur gonna get more angry after seeing a specialist than feeling better cuz thats what people do. also, i know what its like when u try hard to get better grades and no-one notices. i had the same problem a while back but i know it wasnt as extreme as urs. and i know what its like to have such a controlling sis who's only a few years older than u. my sis is exactly the same, trying to force me to go to a private college when i want to go state and my parents never flip at her for flipping at me but when i say anything to my younger brother theyre onto me like animals.

u said people hate u in utah. they have no right to hate u, theyre allowed to have an opinion on u. fuck what they think, u have a life and it might not be the best but atleast ur alive.

maybe ur sis thinks making u move was a good idea but it can either go two ways - u can improve hugely or drop like a pin off a high building. once she sees the positive effects she'll be dying to get u back home so she can be with u. and at some point she'll feel bad for shoving u off to ur aunty. OR once she sees the negative effects she'll be dying to get u back home cuz otherwise she's gonna feel guilty for putting u thru so much shit.

all families work differently so nothing said on here can be taken as the truth but if u need a mate or anythin pm me. its always worth havin someone to talk to that doesnt know everything about ur past because its just easier. take care x
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Old 03-26-2007, 03:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
ok i really dont know, maybe u are right boing. i really dont know what anyone should do in such a situation. i agree, the best thing is to have a friend but unfortunately friendship is the most difficult thing in our days. finding a true friend is the most importang thing and yet the most difficult in one persons' life... very few ppl are true friends and u can talk with them for everything.. aw, and btw :

Quote:
Originally Posted by boing789 View Post
u have a life and it might not be the best but atleast ur alive.
THATS THE BEST THING I VE HEARD for a long time.. i really liked it.
u are so right..
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Old 03-27-2007, 01:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
If you had chilled on the unnecessary cursing, I may have read your whole post.
Find a new vocabulary word or two.
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Old 04-21-2007, 08:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
you're not the only one with problems. it's important to know that your life is not the only one that is fucked up...yay i cursed. but getting to your situation for real. from your background and all you might be all traumatized from everything that's why your reaching out through all of this. nothing new, people always state this theory. i'll just say this, if you want help or something, there's always here to vent, even though i like just joined. i have problems, i'm depressed and lonely and on the verge of crying and starting to hate my closest friends who i think haven't really been that great in the first place. my problems may not be on the same scale as yours, maybe you're a little advanced. but i still have my own shit to deal with. but feeling all sorry for myself is not gonna get me anywhere, which you've probably heard of before. easier said than done, and i'm just full of cliche's, but it's kinda true. you have to find another door and open it, it could be brighter than the rest of the shit you went through. i'm still searching, so you're gonna take a while too. but whatever, i guess i'll say i'm here, if you want, even though we don't know each other. people need others to just shut up and listen, that's what i need, maybe you do too...just a suggestion
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Old 04-21-2007, 09:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
Quote:
Originally Posted by lin View Post
you're not the only one with problems. it's important to know that your life is not the only one that is fucked up...yay i cursed. but getting to your situation for real. from your background and all you might be all traumatized from everything that's why your reaching out through all of this. nothing new, people always state this theory. i'll just say this, if you want help or something, there's always here to vent, even though i like just joined. i have problems, i'm depressed and lonely and on the verge of crying and starting to hate my closest friends who i think haven't really been that great in the first place. my problems may not be on the same scale as yours, maybe you're a little advanced. but i still have my own shit to deal with. but feeling all sorry for myself is not gonna get me anywhere, which you've probably heard of before. easier said than done, and i'm just full of cliche's, but it's kinda true. you have to find another door and open it, it could be brighter than the rest of the shit you went through. i'm still searching, so you're gonna take a while too. but whatever, i guess i'll say i'm here, if you want, even though we don't know each other. people need others to just shut up and listen, that's what i need, maybe you do too...just a suggestion

lin says it the best way she could
this is the actual truth i think!!
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Old 04-22-2007, 02:06 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
Quote:
Originally Posted by meggypoo View Post
its always been fucked up ever since i was born all i heard was " your such a fuck up" fucking mistake" etc...

ok so i had like 'traumatic expiercnes' is wat the shrink said
w.e
so they thought i was bipolar but then decided against it cause i was very social and my mood swings didnt fit in something like that so they diagnosed me with RAD- reactive attachemnt disorder
i guess it happens when a baby like in the first 2 years of their life doesnt create a phsycial or emotional bond with their parent i didnt at all i was kinda neglected i duno
so rite now im currently working with my issues i was phsyucialy mentally abused by my dad, he died bec of alchoholisim and my mom is a durggie i dont know where she is nor do i give a fucking fuck
i was raped when i was 11 by my uncle that basically just took everything away from me i feel so hopeless or i did and i still do its like hard to explain wat u feel after dat


so i live with my two older bros and my older sister
my oldest brother caleb hes like old lol is an ER doctor and kinda isnt realli in my life that much he is always gone cause he works nite shifts etc and hes kinda a teddy bear lolol
and then theres joe hes like 24 and hes an elite police officer he like went to the army he graduated early from hs and now he volunteered to go to iraq
he is my gaurdian and he basically like i say he is mean but he just doesnt understand me im always in trouble with him idk i hate him like seriously if he dies in iraq i would not give a fucking fuck
and then thers lilly who is 18 i guess shes the cloest thing ever that i have had to having a mom ya no? shes always been there for me i look up to her more then anything..when she turend 18 she became my other legal guardian i ahte it i hate having to listen to a sister who is only 4 years older then u she thinks she nos wat is best she doesnt no fuck

sinc eim rad u could say i have behavior problems sometiems i just dont no when to stop
i went to juvy for stealing a car and then i kinda almost like killed 6 ppl bec the car ran into them i ddint even think itd be dangerous ya no?? anyways i spent three nites in juvy omg i almsot died
i started drinking when i was like 12...its like normal rite?
i dont no how to deal with my probs
my sister says that i need to go away so the temptation for alchohl wont b there caus she doesnt want me ending up like dad WTF IM NOT A FUCKING ALCHOHOLIC FUCKING MORON!
she made me go FROM FRESNO TO UTAH to where my aunt lives in order for me to go back i have to hav elike GREAT grades like all fucking A's and stop like getting into toruble
i try and no one even notcies
how can i fucking tell her to let me go back to fucking fresno i mean this is insane ive been in utah for a couple months i hate it i hate everything bout it i fucking stand life and i hate her i want to go back to fresno how can i go back??? please i need ideas i hate it here and eveyrone here hates me

Hun, Wow...we have a lot in common...I went through the same thing...

Now- Out on my own and I'm dealing with adult shit that is 10 times as hard.

It makes you forget all the shit your dad put you through.

I can't even get a washer and dryer...for fucking sakes...

It doesn't sound that bad but just wait hun!

You'll have to walk to work and wash your clothes in the sink and wait for days for them to dry. And then the only friends you thought you had will call you 2 faced and then you end up lonely like Jerky Bitch here!
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Old 04-22-2007, 03:11 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
dont worry your life will come back together soon
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: my life is just fucked up
uhhh. mean, ok.
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