Right now I feel a little alone, so much anger and sadness and just everything has been building up inside of me for so long now that today i just burst.
It started with my mum and dad fighting nearly every single day which got to the point of them actually saying "I'm done." But they weren't, they just forgot about it and kept going with the fighting. I'm OK with that i can deal with the constant yelling and everything but what's really eating away at me is my self esteem. I don't want to pity myself, and i don't want to feel sorry for myself but i just feel so ugly inside and out. I feel as though i'm the luckiest person in the world but i can't grasp it because i'm too distracted by my revolting self. I have fantastic friends but nothing can distract me enough from myself and from what others have said about me. I feel as though i take things too seriously. Why should it matter if someone doesn't think you're attractive? Or if somebody doesn't like what you're wearing that day? It shouldn't, because i pass judgement on others just like they pass judgement on me. However, the only difference is that i let it affect me and how i see myself but it doesn't affect them. I don't want to let it hurt my feelings, so i bury it down inside and it usually works until days like these when tiny little things make me vomit up all this emotion. I put myself down so when somebody compliments me i immediately assume that they're lying or they're playing a joke.
I have three best friends who are girls who are stunningly gorgeous. They have their flaws but it doesn't make a difference on their beautiful faces. I am envious. I can finally admit it that i wish i could look into my mirror and see something i could smile at. I feel so superficial and it's so strange because I don't want it to matter to me but it does. I try talking to my friends about this, because one of my friends I feel a little more connected to than the others because she can relate to me on this subject. But they respond to it with, "You're gorgeous.... balhblablhablha" it doesn't help me feel any less revolting.
I just needed to get out how i felt somewhere!

I know exactly how you feel with your parents..My parents used to scream and hurl abuse at each other, every day of the year, and it drove me insane. It didn't actually affect my emotions that much..Just annoyed me that they never stopped.

And for the self esteem thing : Do something that you're good at, so people do compliment you without joking, like you think they might be. That should help build up your confidence. Only problem is, don't get bigheaded 'Cause when someone brings you down, your world crashes

But I'm sure you won't :P. Let me know if you need to talk more

This is my philosophy on looks. I believe that the majority of normal people dislike their looks at some point or another. I believe that everyone has looked at someone and thought " god I wish I looked like them." I think it's human nature to envy people.
You can't let something like looks bring you down. You can't change them, so you must accept them. There is someone out there who thinks you are amazingly beautiful, promise. Everyone has different likes and dislikes in their partners. Some like girls or guys with brown, blond, red, or even colored hair. Some like them tall, short, or medium. You get the idea.. so my point, you fit into the beautiful category for someone.