So I have a problem dealing with my two close friends, Kate and Josh. For over a year now we have had trust issues within this circle because there is alot of backstabbing going on. Josh is my best friend, and it has been that way for five years now. But I recently found out that Josh has been talking bad about me to Kate. (I found this out because Kate told me during an arguement we were having). When I asked Josh if it was true, he changed the subject by telling me that Kate talks bad about me! This isn't the first time something like this has happened though, it happens all the time. I am really tired of constantly worrying about what my friends are saying about me when they are together...what should I do?

P.S Both Josh and Kate talk bad about the other one when they are with me!

I think if no arguing went on in friendships, they wouldn't be real.
It seems to me like you three are so close, you are like family. Families argue.
Personally I think you three need to get together and sit down to talk about what's happening. If you've been friends for a while, you might just be drifting away. Friendship groups change rapidly over time, and what you do about it will effect the outcome; whether it survives or not. One thing is certain, if the arguing and backstabbing is bad, and you don't take action, you might lose your best friends.

If you are talking to one of them and they say something bad about the other one, remind them that you're supposed to accept each other as friends, and not talk about each other negatively. Tell them you don't like that the backstabbing is happening, and if they react in a way that won't help the situation at all, they're obviously not mature enough to continue the friendship group without arguments.
Hopefully it's not that serious.. and it works out for you.
Good luck.

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Friends shouldn't be talking crap about one another. If they are, are they really a friend?

I think the three of you need a desperate talk.

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Best friends don't talk shit about each other. Period.

Friends shouldn't talk bad about each other. They do anyways tell them you don't want to hear them bitching about eachother and maybe they'll follow suit.

I always tell my friends if you have an issue with me take it up with me, not anyone else.

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Mistress Mary far from contrary....

Oh, we so need to be best friends.

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I think you all should talk together about this...
I think your friendship might be lost if you three go with the stream...

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Talk. Now.

No "friend" does that, pfft.

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But then I wouldn't be able to talk shit about you. It's business...

FACT: If people are speaking to you behind another persons back, it is likely that they are also speaking behind your back to other people. From what you have posted its obvious that both Josh and Kate are trying to avoid confrontation after being caught out for backstabbing, by 'tattling' on the other friend. It is both non-effective and almost extremely immature. You are at the friendship fork. A point where a relationship is either made stronger, or completely broken. It's extremely hard and sometimes unrealistic to expect a group of friends to sit down and solve all there problems. The truth about humans is that they will attempt anything to hide away there feelings, emotions and problems because confrontation, because once you say something aloud it becomes reality. The one thing people will do anything to avoid. It is the place where all there dreams, goals, aspirations and fantasies simply turn to mist and for some people its like standing at the end of a dark tunnel in the freezing cold, alone, coming face to face with the issues they've been hiding away. The point is the fact that humans will do anything 2 avoid reality, and the key to that door is confrontation. Hence, the reason why your friends are blaming the other. Truth is, they are both probably talking behind your back. As I mentioned before, you are at a friendship fork, the point of make or break. As hard as it sounds, you either have to sit your friends down and sort out your problems, find out what it is they are saying behind your back and deal with the issue. If that is not effective and you find that they are still talking behind yours or each others back then you yourself are going to be at the end of the tunnel. You must contemplate the pro's and con's of your friendship and decide whether its really worth it. The harsh reality is, friendships end. As hard as it sounds to move on and find new friends, it is much more painful to be in a situation where your constantly worried that one of your friends are speaking behind your back and questioning your trust. A friend is someone whose trust you never have to question. Eventually things fall apart, people change, friendships end. I know you are trying to be the glue in the relationship, but there is so much a person can take before you simply dry up and give up.



My email is J _ L u v e u @ h o t m a i l . c o m (without the spaces, but WITH the underscore)
If ANYONE has a problem of any kind, email me. Im excellent at giving advice so if you need any help at all, at any time. Email me, and I will email you back with excellent advice.

sweetie, if they're your friends, u shouldnt even HAVE to worry. smack the shit outta kate and tell josh if he doesnt want the same thing he'll keep ya name outta his mouth b4 he catch a right hook 2 his...but then again i've been told i'm violent...i dont really see it, but....

I am going to urinate all over you one day.

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lmao, what can you do.

heres the thing, I talk bad about my friends just the same. why? it relieves stress and allows you to be friends with that person without bombarding them with their faults.

I talk about them because if I don't, I'd tell it to their face. and I value the friendship too much to do that. I know they talk abotu me behind my back...good, because I'd hate to be hurt by them and end up hating them if they confront me with their opinions.

I know that if it something really serious, they will tell me.

you arn't to do anything, do you not yourself, at any moment complain to one about something the other has done? even once? and not confronted the person you have spoken about? of course you have.

it is simply how many friendships work. it is the only way they can work. look, you had an argument and was confronted with the truth, it hurt and the friendship is damaged...why? because you were confronted.

I beleive it is a healthy lifestyle and you should forgive them and leave them be. in the end heir your friends that are there for you when you need them. why let a few complaints get in the way of that friendship?