I live in Canada and I came here when I was six. OK, so my moms ok, we have the occasional squable but its still good.

Then theres my dad, we always get into fights, well not everyday but from the littlest of things he'll take offence and a fight will break out. He always yells, its never his fault, no matter what happens he WILL find a way to blame one of us, or to say that it was somehow our fault that it happened when it was clearly his.


Its sometimes so bad, that when we get into fights and my mom knows its his fault, she says i have to apologize or the family will fall apart, cause he will never apologize to me. A famous incident as an example. One day I was using a screwdriver and then when I finished I put it back, nice and tidy and in order, like it always was. About a week later, my dad finds the screwdriver, and he manages to somehow make all the bits fall out and everything falls on the floor.


He yells at me to come down, and starts lecturing me on how I have to put things away properly, which I originially did. So I told him there is no way it is my fault, cause he used it and he made the bits fall out, thats its not my fault if he can't open a screwdriver properly. This drove him mad and for about 3 weeks we didn't talk at all. This actually happened.


Lastly he has horrible nerves, impatience and always finds the worst side of things. Everything is always wrong, he always complains about something. When were driving he always has road rage. Two nights ago in a restaurant, he started shouting how the service was bad, I was so embarrased I almost left (and the service was excellent by the way).


So what I'm worried about is how you know when you grow up in a specific environment you tend to be that way when you grow up. I don't want to be that way, and I'm worried that I will be, and I don't want my kids to be the way my dad was to me, but I'm already starting to find certain traits in me that I don't want to inherit.


Moving on. Theres my brother. Hes 27, single and he lives with us. Aren't people that age supposed to move out, espeically if they have a full time job, this is his first year and hes making about 50 000, and he has his own car. As I said his single, or he might be in a relationship but its long distance, north america and europe wise. Now the worst thing about him is, his style.


He has a moustache, and he wears his hair like this combed to one side, very like old school. No wonder people mistake him for my dad. Like a 27 year old is not supposed to look like that. He has hardly any muscle or anything, cause he doesn't do any sports, well we tried tennis but he gave up after like 3 weeks.


Hes consitently getting hurt, and not like hurt, but like ow, i got a blister we can't play anymore, or ow i got a scratch lets go home. Like the slightest physical exercise and he'll hurt himself. Last year he cracked a rib while playing beach volleyball (he was out for like 4 months, while when I cracked a rib I was playing the much more phsyical soccer in like a month) and so on.


He dresses really bad. The tucked in shirts, with the ugliest pants etc. Like all of ot bought at the dollar store, he never wears anything that will make him look good, shorts are always above the knees etc. He stands out in the wrong way. And finally, hes just lazy. I almost lost it the past two days. One day, he was "hurt" so he made me go get him hamburgers (this was at a resort) while he watched tv, and made me hold his shit all the time.


And then we were packing to go home, and I was dead and he was jumping around, and he said my parents asked me to come get somehting from there room down the hallway, I went it turned out to be his wallet, HIS wallet. And I come back he made me go again. And he always makes me go and stuff for him, make him smoothies while he lyes there reading books, and when


I ask him too, he either objects, or say in "20 minutes" and it ends up that he doens't do it at all, or I end up doing it. BTW, just to let you know, I just went on vacation, and my brother went to read books, there was volleyball, soccer, swimming, games everything and all he did was read books. The way its going now it looks like hes never gonna find himself a woman, cause here in Canada he is living in the wrong world.


So basically after all that, sometimes I'm embarrased to be with my family. They're the complete opposites of me, they russian, nerds, dress badly (except for my mom), listen to all the classical and opera stuff (not that theres anything wrong with that but they expect me to), while i'm more Canadian, i'm not built like them, i like rock and rap (my dad would kill me if he knew), I dress canadian, and act canadian. So Sometimes, I'm just embarrased to be with them. What can I do about this, or change the situation?

Personally, I think you need to grow up a little bit. I don't know how old you are, but the way you're talking about your family seems immature.. try and accept people.

Your brother-
News flash, who cares if he dresses like that, and doesn't like physical activities? Heck, I'd prefer reading a book than tennis any day, but it doesn't make me a loser. It is just who he is, and if he has some personality traits that annoy you, so be it! Also, as for him making you do stuff for him, just tell him how you feel bout it, and that if he doesn't do it for himself, then it won't get done. It's not your responsibility to do these small things for him. Sure, do him a favour every now and then, but not this much. He obviously hasn't grown up enough yet, even though he's 27. Just let him do it in his own time... some people prefer living at home.

Your father-
As for him, maybe you should bring the family together or something and just talk, not shout, about the situation. Express to your dad how you're feeling about the way he acts, and that you'd like it to change so you don't fight as much. Also try doing some bonding things together, father-son activities and such. As cliché as it sounds, it will actually help your relationship to improve, and maybe you'll find out you don't dislike each other as much as you thought.

You- You can be what you want to be, mate. Listen to/dress/behave how you want to, but not in a way that offends your family. Maybe try and explore stuff they like doing as well, and then slowly introduce Canadian activities to them and you can make a mutual agreement on what is appropriate when you're around each other.
Also since you relationship with your mother seems to be good, try talking to her about it. She'll hopefully try and help ...

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lmfao. My dad used to do the same thing until i drove his nose back into his skull and moved out. by the time he woke back up i was already packed up and leaving LOLOLOL

The fact that you've acknowledged that you don't want to end up that way probably means that you're not going to.

You've got enough maturity to see what he's doing is wrong, and you resent that.

Good on you.

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yea i showed my dad who's boss too. he liked to try and abuse me and my brothers.

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