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Old 08-05-2008, 08:24 AM   #1
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I feel invisible and unimportant...

Warning: This will be quite a long post because I have a lot to say and quite a lot that I need advice on.

First off, I'd prefer not to say my name or give out any of my family's names. But I will tell you that I'm a female and 16 years old. Also, I have been having these problems for quite a while now... I live with my mother and step-dad, my younger brother and "older sister", and my boyfriend. (He doesn't really live here...he just stays here for a long time.)

Sometimes I feel like I'm a robot...or I'm invisible. Something along the lines where I'm not important. And I really don't know what my family wants from me anymore.

To my family I'm the "stable" child in the house. I'm not always upset or angry (or so they think), I do everything I'm told without arguing, and I'm the most mature one in the house. My younger brother (who is 13) is always depressed nowadays for no apparent reason. I personally think it's because he can't do what he wants to do. (He proved it once. That's the only reason why I believe so.) My older "sister" (who is 20) doesn't do anything. ANYTHING. She doesn't do any work around the house, she doesn't have a job, she can't pick up after herself, and all she does is sleep all day. Obviously I have a problem with both of my siblings at the moment.

No one in the house realizes it (except my boyfriend) that I'm having a lot of problems right now. The problem is I'm feeling so unimportant and invisible. I try to talk to my mother about my problems, but she stays silent after I'm done talking and then changes the subject to something that has to do about her. (Most of the time it's something she did that day or heard.) That makes me feel like my problems aren't being heard. What I don't understand is that she told me to talk to her when I'm having problems, but I try to do that and she either doesn't listen or she turns everything around to make everything about her.

What also makes it seem like I'm invisible is because she told my boyfriend that she worries more about my brother than anyone. That's why she pays more attention to him. She says that she's the only person he has and I have him so why worry about me. My brother has more people than me. He has my mother's full attention, an adult male that can play sports with him, a best friend who's over almost everyday, and two others friends that he doesn't see as often but he still does see. He even has people he's not friends with trying to make him feel better! Who do I have? I have my boyfriend. That's it. I should at least have my mother, but I don't. So my brother has less people than me? Bull.

Then there's my sister...the main cause of all of my pain throughout the past five years. You see, my sister lived with our grandparents up until five years ago, then she moved in with us. She grew up to be the most spoiledest brat you'll ever meet in your entire life. She's also one of the biggest babies. Always has to have to way, makes herself seem like the constant victim, needs to go to the hospital over every little cut. No, I'm not over exaggerating. Because she always had to get her way and everything was always about her we got into A LOT of fights. Every time we'd end up making up. About a year ago she blackmailed my boyfriend and I. That pushed me over the edge. Somehow I managed to forgive her. A year past...stopped talking to her for two months. She noticed and came to me begging for me to forgive her for whatever she did. Although I should have listened to my boyfriend when he said she wouldn't change her ways, I forgave her. It's kind of hard to hold a grudge against someone you live with, you know?

About two days after that night she proved to me once again why I shouldn't have forgave her. I'm just the person to talk to and hang out with when she has no one else. And I'm not going to take that. I ignored it and tried to keep a friendship going. Not long after that she broke up with her boyfriend and that same day was hanging out and hanging all over another guy. Gee, I wonder why she broke up with her boyfriend? (She's had about 15 boyfriends over the past five years. This same situation happened EVERY time. She'd find a new guy that she thought was better than her current boyfriend and dump him.) That made me angry. It was cold hearted. That proves she only cares about how she feels, no one else. I confronted her about how I felt...wanna know what she said to me? That that guy is the only person she has. The only person she has to talk to, to spend time with. That was the wrong thing to say. Wasn't she the one who came to me begging to have me to talk to and spend time with again?

That's not all she does. She seems to, even when we're getting along, talk about me horribly behind my back. Always negative. Making me sound stupid and making me sound like I'm worse than she is. I'm not going to have a sister or friend that will talk about me horribly behind my back. She doesn't know that I'm told every single word she says about me to my mother or brother.

Trust me, there's a lot more problems than this. I'd tell EVERYTHING but that would take a really long time, both to write and then read. I don't know what to do anymore. I try to talk to someone but the only person who will listen and care is my boyfriend. My mother, who I seriously need in my life to talk to (especially because I have no female friends I can have to talk to 24/7), won't listen to anything. If I'm upset or angry, I get yelled at about it or told to change my attitude. (That's another thing. Whenever my siblings get like that, they hear crap for it.) If she decides she wants to actually listen to me and I tell her my problems, she turns herself into the victim or make it sound like she's the bad guy and it's all about her.

What do I do? What can I do when no one will listen? I'm a ticking time bomb and each day I grow closer to exploding. How do I stop all the madness and protect myself from having a mental breakdown? I don't know what to do. How can I help myself when the only person who will hear my cries for help is my boyfriend and he can't do anything? (He's tried... He even talked to my mother for me. That talk went horribly wrong.)
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Old 08-05-2008, 08:50 AM   #2
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

That sounds bad. I don't know what you can do but just find ways to get rid of stress, get a hobby to keep your mind off things. Also try to confront your mother about why she doesn't want to talk about your problems. Also talk to her about how you feel about your brother. It may just be because he's the youngest and therefor get the most attention. Find some friends that you can talk to about this.

Also for your sister, I don't think there is much you can do. I would kinda try to not talk to her. And the way you explain it, it sounds like she is going to have a hard life due to how spoiled she is. I know your boyfriend can't do much but it usually helps a lot to just talk about it even if you or him can't do anything.
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Old 08-05-2008, 09:02 AM   #3
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ayudante View Post
That sounds bad. I don't know what you can do but just find ways to get rid of stress, get a hobby to keep your mind off things. Also try to confront your mother about why she doesn't want to talk about your problems. Also talk to her about how you feel about your brother. It may just be because he's the youngest and therefor get the most attention. Find some friends that you can talk to about this.

Also for your sister, I don't think there is much you can do. I would kinda try to not talk to her. And the way you explain it, it sounds like she is going to have a hard life due to how spoiled she is. I know your boyfriend can't do much but it usually helps a lot to just talk about it even if you or him can't do anything.
It's hard to get a hobby when both you and your boyfriend can't drive. (We haven't gotten the chance to get our driver's licenses yet since we're both home schooled.) We have stuff to do around this house, but because of having to do those specific things so much they really don't hold your attention away from millions of thoughts.

I've tried talking to her. My boyfriend has tried talking to her. Nothing. Get the same response all the time. I'm told to change my attitude, I'm told to stop talking to her like I'm the adult (I guess my opinions sometimes comes out in an adult-like manner), and it all goes in one ear and out the other. I finally exploded one day, started crying and spilling everything, she changed the subject once I stopped talking.

I love my boyfriend and I'm glad to have him to talk to, but I'm getting sick of dumping EVERYTHING on him. I know he's here for me to talk to and vise versa...but I hate to have him see me cry and listen to my snapping and ranting all the time like it's him I'm mad at. It makes him feel horrible that he can't do anything for me. And it's bad enough he has to do the chores that my brother and sister should have to do because I can't handle it all.
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Old 08-05-2008, 09:52 AM   #4
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

What do you mean adult like manner? I think that sounds like a good thing that you are mature. Also what have you tried to talk to your mother about? You may just be asking the wrong question or saying the wrong thing. And do you know anybody who can take you somewhere? Maybe a mall or something to meet new people and also a way to get away from the house and controversy
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:02 AM   #5
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

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Originally Posted by ayudante View Post
What do you mean adult like manner? I think that sounds like a good thing that you are mature. Also what have you tried to talk to your mother about? You may just be asking the wrong question or saying the wrong thing. And do you know anybody who can take you somewhere? Maybe a mall or something to meet new people and also a way to get away from the house and controversy
Everyone's happy that I'm mature and more like an adult than a kid...which is why is confuses me why I get in trouble for making opinions and having them sound more "mature" than childish.

I just told her that I'm done lying to my grandparents about being home schooled. They have a problem with it and think it's worse than public school. Frankly, I believe I'm smarter than I ever would have been if I went to public school, and at least I'm not getting bullied by kids in high school or have to deal with shootings.

She told me in the past that we're her kids and if she wants to home school us then they'll just have to get over it. But even though she says that she's too much of a wuss to tell them the truth. I told her that I believed that they would be angrier to know that she's been lying to them rather than knowing their daughter is making her own choices by doing what she thinks is right for her kids. I said that I was sick of telling lies because I'm an extremely truthful person and saying the smallest lie kills me inside.

Apparently I sounded like the adult and she was the kid. But who's the right one? Is it her for doing what she thinks is right for her kids but hiding it like a child or me who believes that telling the truth would be a lot easier for her and her kids than keeping it from important people?
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:12 AM   #6
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

I'm on your side. Telling the truth would be best and if you want to be home schooled, you should. Your mom wants to home school you also it seems and think your grandparents should kinda accept that its what you want as well as your mom. Your mom does seem a bit childish for keeping them away from the truth but maybe she did that because she thinks they may like force you to go to public school and she doesn't want that for you.
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:16 AM   #7
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

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I'm on your side. Telling the truth would be best and if you want to be home schooled, you should. Your mom wants to home school you also it seems and think your grandparents should kinda accept that its what you want as well as your mom. Your mom does seem a bit childish for keeping them away from the truth but maybe she did that because she thinks they may like force you to go to public school and she doesn't want that for you.
They can't force us to go. They don't live in this house so they have no say in what goes on. My pop-pop (grandfather) told my mom that he wouldn't keep himself living if it wasn't for her or us...so obviously he's not going to remove himself from our life if she doesn't follow his opinion.

But it's not fair to make her kids lie...especially when I can't lie. I'm so truthful I told the cashier she missed an item when she was ringing things up. How can I lie about something that has to do with my life?
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:22 AM   #8
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

I don't think you should lie. It's not the right thing to do, especially when it's your grandparents of all people. I also don't think its right for your mom to force you to lie or anything close to it. You don't feel comfortable with it and you shouldn't be pressured to lie.
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Old 08-05-2008, 10:41 AM   #9
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Re: I feel invisible and unimportant...

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Originally Posted by ayudante View Post
I don't think you should lie. It's not the right thing to do, especially when it's your grandparents of all people. I also don't think its right for your mom to force you to lie or anything close to it. You don't feel comfortable with it and you shouldn't be pressured to lie.
I don't want to lie, but you don't know how much trouble we can get into if we don't obey our parents. I've gotten in trouble a lot in the past...that's why I'm a good kid now. I don't want to get yelled at anymore, but I still manage to get in trouble anyways. I don't think I do anything...I don't understand what I do to make everyone so angry with me.
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