I'm afraid that I'm going to ramble here, so bear with me.
I have a dad who is an alcoholic.
Now that I'm a little bit older it's started to bother me more and more. I don't think I'd be bothered so much if he was actually a good dad.
He's not violent or abusive. He's not a mean drunk, although he says stupid things that upset people (especially my mom), he's just annoying and insensitive.
When I was younger the drinking didn't bother me because I never knew anything else.
When I was a just a toddler my dad would ask me to "go get him a beer" and of course I'd do it. Sometimes I'd drink the last bit.

On the weekends he'll usually start drinking coffee and then move on to beer in the early afternoon and finish with wine in the evening. On week days he starts drinking beer as soon as he gets home.
A lot of the time he'll drink a whole wine bottle by himself. He drinks until he's drunk, always.
Whenever we're driving home from a restaurant he always wants to drive (drunk) and I beg my mom to drive. Sometimes she does, sometimes she says it'll be ok and let's him drive.

My dad actually doesn't live with us anymore. He lives in another state for a job. We were going to move there, but I've told my mom that I don't want to and I think she agrees with me. Whenever I get to see him he's usually drunk or drinking.

Maybe you're wondering why I'm writing this. Well, I think I mostly wanted to vent. I'm not really asking for help or suggestions because I know my dad isn't going to stop.

But if you're actually still reading this, I would kind of like to know if this should be bothering me so much. I mean, should I give him a break?

Like you said, he's been drinking his whole life - since you were practically alive - and he hasn't stopped. However, he's your dad, but that still doesn't make it okay. I just feel like you've probably given him lots of chances. If it bothers you, it bothers you. The question really should be if you feel like you can go on with this any longer.

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"The funny thing is, nobody ever really knows how much anybody else is hurting. We could be standing next to someone who is completely broken, and we wouldn't even know."

Maybe you should sit down and talk it through with him. Does your mom recognize how bad his problem is?

I really don't feel comfortable talking to him about it. My mom has told him that I don't like it when he drinks, so he knows.
My mom is very aware of the problem. She's talked to him about it, but it doesn't really do anything.
The thing is, I don't understand why he drinks. Maybe because of his job. He gets drunk when we're on vacation and on weekends though.
I think we've given him way too many chances. Sometimes I wish my mom would just get a divorce and get it over with, but I think that she keeps thinking he's going to change.

wow. i know exactly what it is like to have an alcoholic dad. the part in bold is exactly what i would do as well. i dont let it bother me too much anymore. i've told him how i felt and it doesnt seem to change anything. your dad is only going to stop if he wants to. whether you give him a break or not is up to you. your feelings about the situation are normal and completely justifiable. i will say that i've never given up on the idea of my dad getting better. people can change if they really try to do so. i just never constantly think about it. it is what is and there isnt much you can do, sounds bad but its true.
good luck with everything.

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Thanks for your replies.

As corny as it may sound, it's kinda nice to know that you're not alone.

Should it be bothering you so much? Well yea, I think it's natural that it is. I know i'd be bothered about it. The thing that got me was - your mum has told him about the drinking, but yet, he still chooses to ignore it? Now that would annoy me.

I agree when you say that you think you've given him way too many chances. And, the drinking and driving? He's putting yours, your mums and his own life at risk. Question is, how long will it be until you and you're mum don't put up with it no longer?

*Hugs* Stay strong.


SimpleGirl*

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I smile because I have no idea whats going on..

Yea, my dad isn't big on talking, especially about feelings (which is a lot like me actually). If my mom mentions his drinking he just kind of shrugs it off.

I feel like the only one in my family that is so bothered by it. My mom talks to him about every now and then and she's told me that she doesn't like it, but that's kind of as far as it goes. My 18 year old brother is usually the one to defend him saying that he's "probably just stressed at work" and that im "being mean".

I don't want to make a big fuss over it though. My mom has a lot of other things going on right now. After all the craziness with my family dies down things will probably start to change.
My life is kind of complicated right now, I think, which makes it hard to have friends, which means I have no one to vent to. I'd vent to my mom, but she's usually the one who vents to me.

Anyways, thanks for replying SimpleGirl.

I'm sure that your mum is really concerned about it, but, you know when you tell someone something so many times and they just completely ignore it, so much so that you just kinda give up? Maybe that's how she feels?

Your brother is obviously just seeing it in another light to you, but, I happen to agree with you. I don't think you're "being mean" at all, I think you're being honest.

Well, if you ever want to vent, feel free to PM and let yourself go - I will sit and listen, and try and help you out best I can. (Thats if you need it).

No problem at all - anytime.


SimpleGirl*

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I smile because I have no idea whats going on..

I think you're right.

Thank you, I'll keep you in mind if I ever feel like venting again.
It's nice to let things out every now and then.

I'm probably going to see him tonight, so we'll see how things go.

Good luck.



SimpleGirl*

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I smile because I have no idea whats going on..

I hope it gets better for you. And one thing, don't ever let your dad drive you guys drunk. That is the worse thing you could ever do. He's risking all of your lives.

My mother is the same way. You cant change him, every time he promises he will break it. You hear of stories about people breaking addiction, if you can break an addiction you were never really addicted.

I know this doesn't help at all but i wouldn't get your hopes up or expect him to keep promises about stopping. Just make sure you make your own choices and get through your life, he had his choices and he didnt make the right ones.

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"I spent 90% of my money on women & booze... the rest i wasted" ~ George Best

Congrats on seeking professional help. Good luck

I think you all are right. There isn't much that I can do except keep living my life. I appreciate all of your replies.

Oh, and from here on out I will not get in the car if my dad is going to drive drunk