so i posted a little earlier, and it didn't get many responses. however, i'd really appreciate if you could advise me in either this one or the other

i really feel that my mom is an unfair parent. just now, we had an argument over the mixer (dance) on Friday. i went to a dance in 8th grade, and she said that she only let me go because she knew all the people at the dance. no she didn't! she knew my class, and there were 2 other classes there. however, she just cut me off right there. she does that a lot

then she said that she trusted me, but not the people there. i said, "so you don't trust me to be around them?" and she said yes. GOD! i already have low self-esteem [which she probably doesn't know about] and she just kept saying she trusted me but not them.

and then she said that if i went, i'd meet people. and then they'd tell me to go to other dances, and my grades would start slipping. WHAT THE HELL. so i told her, "You're punishing me for something that hasn't happened yet!" (okay, i shouldn't have said yet, but it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and i think she got what i meant). and then she said, "this is not a punishment." and i said (calmly, no joke) "yes, it is." and then she said, "look, here we go again, you're raising your voice at me." "i'm not raising my voice at you!" i said, w/ the tiniest more emotion. then, it was the awkward silence, and i just said, "this is unfair." then i walked away and wrote this.

i really wanna change this about my mom. i'm not allowed to do things w/ my friends, including movies or going to their houses (unless schoolwork related). i don't think it's fair. and it if is, someone please explain the logic.

so please, just give me your advice on how to reason w/ my mom.

I think you need to sit and and have a really serious chat with you're mum. I don't quite understand why she is so.. uptight? How old are you? I think she's just not realising that you are, infact, growing up. Meaning, more friends, more social events with you're friends etc..

It sound as though you're mum doesn't really trust you're friends or the people you will be around, which is fair comment, because if she doesn't know them, she'll just make judgement of them herself, and 9 times out of 10, if it's a party or something, she will make bad judgment of them. Which is, again, unfair.

But, as I said earlier, you need to have a really good chat with her. Make her see that these kinda "mixers" are going to happen, and that you want to be apart of them. Give and take sounds like a good idea here. Tell her if she allows you to have a little more independence, then you can do something back to repay her, for that.
Stay rational with her, don't raise you're voice, just be calm - if she get's angry and starts a hissy fit on you, then at least you can defend youself by saying something like "listen, i've been perfectly reasonable, i've tried talking to you about it and you're still resorting to shouting at me and being unfair and you wonder why I get so frustrated over these things.." know what I mean?

Hope this helped a little. By the way, I did respond to you're earlier thread



SimpleGirl*

__________________
I smile because I have no idea whats going on..

You need to have a serious talk with her, and explain to her that she's being the child. You have the right to go out, and attend dances, sleepovers, and parties. You're a kid. That's what kids do. She's being very overprotected, and very strict. Let me tell you ONE thing however..I 99.9% guarentee that she was one of those kids who never went out, and had straight A's. Most parents who were like that, are EXTREMELY overprotective of their kids.

So to sum it up: She was a nerd, you want fun. Have a talk to her..Like an adult. Whatever you do, don't sneak out, or lie about all this...She'll never let you do anything else if you get caught.

__________________